Day 412 - Commitment to Speak Daily Self-Forgiveness

Over the past year +, I've been practicing speaking self forgiveness out loud, and I've noticed a pretty significant shift in my process. The main difference is this sense of solid, grounded movement. Like, if you're familiar with writing the self forgiveness out on paper or on a blog or whatever, sometimes it seems like it's not all sticking, or "I must be missing some dimensions, that must be why the SF isn't taking hold."

I've many times revisited the realization that self-forgiveness is only effective when paired with the corrected living application. The way I understand it is that the self forgiveness removes energetic blocks that lock us in repetitive, unwanted behaviors. With clearing that old instruction out of the body, it's now up to SELF to finish the job and create the corrected code to live by.

So that's a very important aspect, but what I'm looking at for this post is the specific difference of writing self forgiveness versus speaking it aloud.

As I'm currently understanding it: The writing is kind of the structure, blueprint, code that is contains the power. Like a key. I like this key analogy that just came to me! Writing out the self forgiveness is like fashioning the key for a mind-body system "lock." When writing out the self forgiveness for self, I can be astoundingly specific, because within and as me is also the equality: Self = Lock. So, it is highly beneficial to leverage writing as a tool and a medium, for exacting a precise key.

Now, when I sound the self forgiveness, out loud, using my vocal chords and diaphragm: this is the turning of the key. Living the words in my voice = having the key in the lock, and turning the key. Physical application. Using my body as an instrument, and playing a coded symphony to the demise of a particular ailment. It's like tuning the body.

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So, at this point in my process of understanding how everything hangs together, I am ready to commit to a daily application of spoken Self Forgiveness. I know clearly, and first-handedly the value of this practice, and I see no reason not to incorporate this into my daily routine. I'm going to start with a 90-day commitment, and go from there. I'll keep you posted.



Cool related audio from Bernard:
2012 - When Self Forgiveness is Real?

Day 411 - Anxiety and Fear Lead to Indecision

A great friend just recently shared one of his favorite self forgiveness statements from Bernard in a social group chat:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that anxiety is the experience of being shit-scared for your own fear - produced for yourself, by yourself - for the reason of scaring yourself to make or not make a decision, so that you can have an excuse as reason why you did NOTHING in spite of the evidence that one should act.

This resonated with me because I see me manifesting this indecision in my life, rooted in fear of judgment and ridicule. I protect myself as my ego by not putting myself out there, making sure only to assert myself when I feel comfortable that I'm not going to be judged/defined by others in a negative way. So, there's a fear of loss of social standing/status. Then fear of death is connected through that fear of loosing social acceptance and social support. Wow. It's so interestingly tricky how my fear of judgment is substantiated by fear of death on a deeper layer, and I'm hardly aware of that when the fear is active, and so I miss it, and then don't face the totality of the system, and I'm again being directed by my self-sabotaging mind programs.

I commit myself to walking through the totality of the systems, within and as me, that are holding me back from actualizing my highest potential. I see, realize and understand that it's up to me to drive the corrected living application each day, each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought trains within the dimension of fear of judgment, fear of ridicule, fear of not being accepted by others, fear of not being liked by others, fear of rejection, fear of humility, fear of embarrassment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the connection from fear of judgment to fear of death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear, and thus not investigate the comprehensive nature of this system of rules that I've been employing to govern myself without having to be fully here, fully present as the real-time decider of my actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death through projecting the responsibility of my well being on to others. Here, I'm seeing that this was a primary pattern as a young child, when I relied on my parents to ensure my well being. This transformed into some wacky form of adulthood entitlement. Applying specific self forgiveness on patterns stemming from childhood would surely accelerate my process of maturing into an empowered and self-responsible adult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fear of death by coming up with excuses, reasons and justifications for why others are responsible for my well being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in constant anxiety, and not prioritize the necessary self investigation, so that I may get to the bottom of a given mind system and begin rebirthing myself within the corrected, self-empowered, self-awareness of my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continually generate fear energy for me to experience, and accept that as okay or normal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my body through this torturous fear energy to make decisions for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions (or not make decisions) within/through and out of FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to make a clear, direct, well considered decision.

I commit myself to creating a space of clarity within myself, to make a direct decision, YES or NO, in a single moment, and stop allowing fear as anxiety to direct me into indecision.

Anxiety has been a big part of my life, so I will continue to walk this process in writing and share myself here. Please leave me a comment if you have any perspectives or questions about this post.

Day 410 - Processing Procrastination NOW

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can always do it later, and within this, not see, realize and understand my full capacity to accomplish something now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses that lead me into the belief that there isn't enough time to do something now. I commit myself to applying common sense here, and utilizing self-honesty to determine if I am simply making an excuse or not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself delay taking full responsibility for myself in the current moment.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to recognize my potential to accomplish something NOW or immediately.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient, and within that, not have enough time NOW, to accomplish something real, something physical, something that takes a length of time to create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can spend my time better by doing nothing in particular, than if I were to slow down and spend a few moments to complete a creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that procrastination is just part of who I am and how I do things, and that "I do not really want to change this behavior."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "procrastination is a skill that I do well and thus benefits me."

I commit myself to slowing down, to consider the real timelines of creation and determine what I can accomplish in this moment that is best for me and all.

I commit myself to realizing the power of the current moment.

I commit myself to STOP postponing that which can be accomplished now.

I commit myself to giving myself the self-honesty required to decide how I can apply myself within my utmost potential in this very moment.

I commit myself to stop running away from responsibility, suppressing it, and pushing it into the future (that never comes). And so within this, I recognize that self-empowerment comes from what I chose to create in the moment that is here, now.

When and as I see that I self-honestly do not have enough time to complete something, I commit myself to deferring the responsibility to a specific time in the future. I commit myself to utilizing a calendar or task list, when necessary, to ensure that I do not suppress my taking responsibility indefinitely.

Why wait when I can do it now?

I just wrote this blog and I only "lost" 35 minutes. Rather. I traded 35 minutes for a new depth of understanding within my decision process of taking immediate action.

WORTH IT!

Thank you.

Day 407 - Writing Confidence

It's coming to a boiling point. This is my 4th "Day 407" draft, and I'm ready to move past this writing hangup that's now gone on too long. In this post, I will begin to open up what's been holding me back, so I can finally face it and recreate my expression here forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and empower the belief that I must write to a certain standard for my readers, and within that, compare myself to others in terms of having proper, grammatically correct, and/or just plain "better" writings.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the value of my writing with a polarized energy of superior/inferior, and that if I deem it to be less than excellent by my own standards and judgment, I will abandon the writing, and never share it with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disgust inside of myself when I judge my writing/expression to be less than acceptable or straight up "bad."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my writing on the good/bad polarity construct, not realizing how I'm going into the mind-energy creation and experience; I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to realize that I can stop it, forgive it, and direct myself despite it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and go into a positive energy experience when I judge my writing as 'good' or well above average.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand the importance of sharing my writings publicly.*

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become lost in the narrow perspective of my ego, either relishing in the positive-reinforcement thereof, or fighting to protect it from any negative associations.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my writings are not or will not be good enough to publish for public reading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand on the excuse of not wanting to write blog posts because I fear that I will compromise my standing in the world system when those in my personal-physical networks read these posts and formulate opinions and judgments about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my power of self-acceptance by anticipating and fearing that others will not accept me, and thus I cannot accept myself.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect self-acceptance to the reflection of other's accepting me, not seeing, realizing and understanding how my own self-honesty within my relationship to myself is the ONE and ONLY place from which I can develop and live Self-Acceptance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, become frustrated with myself, and hold myself in this self-sabotage pattern of fearing that my writing will not be good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize the cyclical trap of fearing and feeling that I'm not good enough, and in turn manifesting the physical living of not being good enough. I commit myself to END the construct of not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I've accepted and allowed myself to fall into this negative feedback and downward spiral of a fall that is this writing confidence point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify not posting publicly by writing privately.

*
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see clearly the purpose of posting publicly:

- To share my process

- To cross reference my process

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others cross referencing my process because I know that I'm not living self-honestly in every moment, and thus still am not walking my process to my utmost ability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposure and transparency because I know my ego cannot exist the way it has been with fully integrated honesty and integrity from all perspectives.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not staying on topic, and within this, for creating a resistance toward blogging because I tend to open up points in a way that don't stay within the self-imposed boundaries of the blog title.

Ok.

I commit myself to write in this blog at least every other day.

(Wow. I have a lot of reactions going on inside of me with that one commitment statement. I'll open that up in the next post.)


When and as I see myself going into a self-judgment while composing a blog / walking my writing process, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I cannot compare myself to anything, in this self-honest process of perfecting myself. I commit myself to transmuting perfection-comparison energy into a physical resolve and motivation to walk the self purification/perfection process.

I commit myself to moving within a self-acceptance and knowingness that I am not perfect, that it's ok if other's laugh at me or talk bad about me with their peers. (ridicule point)

(Overwhelmingness feeling: too much information in my blog to keep it all nice and neat, connecting all the points to each other - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed by the information as I look at it in my mind, forgetting that all I must simply do is Breathe and move within each and every breath - point by point, from beginning to end)

I commit myself to living within the realization that the writing and creations that I bring into the physical reality are me, and within this realization, I commit myself to create a life that I can be proud of when I'm gone.

I commit myself to end the abusive squandering of my potential.

I commit myself to find and abolish the threads of complacency in my life.

I commit myself to producing tangible support structures for myself and all those who honor life.

I commit myself to bring my excuses into awareness and process through them with self-honesty and writing.

I see now. Writing isn't for my audience. I need me to write for me. It's the only way I'm going to be able to navigate through my mind.

And I'm committed to living with integrity in the pursuit of my ultimate WHY, so I best share my journey with you. Thanks.

pic credit

Day 397 - Finishing a post

I commit myself to finish this post.

I have a long-standing behavioral pattern of starting lots of little projects and not finishing them. For example, I've now got 4 draft posts starting with "Day 397 - ..." Some of them have have only a sentence; others have enough content to be published.

An important question = WHY?! Why am I doing this? There are several angles to take on it, so I'm going to methodically work through them.

1)   Trying to blog about too many angles of a particular topic. This is what happened last time, and what I am now at risk of doing, but this time, I'm committed to finishing. When unexpected angles, dimensions, facets, factors, etc. come into play, suddenly the whole idea of the plan can become shaky. It's like the mind is driven to reach a goal within a rigid plan, and as soon as things aren't going as expected, then the drive vanishes and the beginning never meets the end.

2)   Nurture. It's far too easy to just blame my parents, but I can see similarities in myself and the way I approach projects and various activities in life. I could go on to make comparisons, but that's not direction that I'd like to take my writing. The key within this is to recognize the similarities between Self and parents/whomever, write and expand our understanding about the strengths and weaknesses, and then TAKE RESPONSIBILITY to leverage our strengths and strengthen our weaknesses.

3)   Focus. I have 11 tabs open in my browser, not including this one or the other 220 I have stored in my OneTab extension. Like I said, I have an issue with finishing what I start. Fret not! I've got this point in my sights and I'm not backing away. To stay focused is simple (see the first 7 words in the post). And if that fails, investigate what went wrong, and start again with a fresh commitment. Why is this so powerful? Because Self has all the power, unless you give it away through accepting and allowing mental programs to drive your thoughts and so your Self.

4)   Prioritization. Without it, we can cast our vision too wide and quickly become overwhelmed by it all. My relationship with the sensation of overwhelmingness has typically been avoidance. As soon as things become "too much," I turn in the other direction. So, "too many responsibilities to do right now" = avoid all responsibility and find bliss in a game of Sudoku. It hurts to write. Self-Honesty is easy, said no one ever. Solution = orient to only the top priority and go for it. If a higher priority comes up, then focus every fiber of your being on that task until it's done so that you may return to the highest priority you were previously working on.

5)   Habit. Procrastination is not just something to take pride or shame in. It's also a habituated behavior. The mental pathways that lead to this behavior over and over again become favored in specific situations. Throughout my school years. I did what I wanted to do after school, and I did my homework (sometimes very) late into the night. This was my preference, and whatever the negative consequences were, I simply wrote them off for years on end. Now, the pattern is basically the same, except now, I've got a new starting point: Do what is best for all. So, it's not just me considering me anymore. To build my future and create significant value for others, I need to shed this habit. How? Self-forgiveness and corrected application commitments...work damn well.


Wrapping it up: I realize now that I don't have to have the perfect post...

6)   Perfectionism. Almost forgot it. I've intentionally left the above line to show my willingness to no longer trouble myself with the impossible goal of perfection defined in comparison with the ideal. This haughty goal takes a lot of energy and has gone on too long. Enough! The correction is in realizing that what I've written so far is already perfect within the process of perfection. Meaning, it doesn't have to be perfect now, but through continually applying myself and adjusting things as I go along, I will ultimately get as close as I can to perfection. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is living to your highest potential.


It is important to realize that forward movement is essential to becoming a success in any endeavor. Trying to reach perfection in one fell swoop and giving up if any obstacle comes up is a recipe for regret. Practice the writing and Self-honesty (@DIPlite). Move within imperfection while striving for a well defined outcome, and be ready to parkour any obstacles that stand in your way. Be ready for anything. Focus on the outcome you want, and focus on the solution when problems arise.

Creation is a movement and it doesn't always go as planned. Expect the unexpected and move like water.

source: garinkilpatrick.com

Day 381 - Living Life: It's Not So Hard

This post is a general post about several specific instances where I found that applying myself wasn't nearly as bad as I was making it up to be in my mind.

• Public speaking
• Reading a book
• Writing a blog post
• Learning a 'difficult' subject
• Making a sandwich
• Waking up and getting out of bed
• and many other physical movements

In my past, I've avoiding this issue by going with the flow of it. If there was a discomfort in relation to doing or saying something, I wouldn't do it unless there was a really high reward, or a really negative consequence motivating me. Which brings into question: Was I every really making choices, or was I just being continuously swayed by my inner, reactive experiences to external stimuli?

As I've been walking this Journey to Life process, the aspect of my driving motivation has come into question often. I see that I'm moving from a self-interested, zombie-like human being, into a more considerate and responsible human being. Part of that process requires that I push myself to speak and act within an honor and integrity, even if I don't feel like it. So there is a battle between mind-consciousness generated feelings and emotions and other mind-consciousness generated feelings.

This is the nature of the inner struggle. It is the design of polarity that the mind uses to ensnare us in dilemmas that were not ever real to begin with. The solution is to create a structure for oneself. We are only ever a breath away from stabilizing in our physical body. The trick is to realize when we're in the throes of our mind reality, and this is accomplished largely by placing in a structure that serves as a self-supportive flag point to realize who self is in the bigger picture. As soon as the realization hits: STOP, BREATHE.

What I've noticed more vividly in recent times is that when we get to the point of applying ourselves within any physical movement, it's almost never as bad as we've worked it up to be in our heads. So, to begin phase one of implementing a preventative structure, I'm going to walk the self-forgiveness to disengage myself from the magnetic-like adherence of Self to/within/as Mind. Then the commitment statements serve to provide a new set of rules or structure for how I will direct myself when external stimulus comes in, essentially rewriting my inner script with awareness, moving from self-interested self-abuse into self-aware expression of what is best for all life.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my living expression through participating in the throes of consciousness when faced with a physical participation act that I have resistance toward. In this, I realize that the initial resistance is the first sign of participating in the energetic struggle of the mind. When and as I see myself desiring to do something else, something other than what I originally intended to do, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to consider the biggest picture, to sit and write everything out on paper if I must, and to push myself through any resistance-energy that comes up so that I may focus on my responsibilities with the highest priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my thoughts that come up as excuses and justifications are valid. I see here that with my self-generated excuses comes a specific energy signature that resonants: "this is true; I am right." Within that, I realize that I am automatically believing the thoughts that come up in my mind because I believe myself to be those thoughts, and I don't want to contradict myself! I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to fight for my excuses to be right. Just because they came up first and automatically, doesn't mean that I must obey this initial thought. When and as I'm in resistance energy, and I see myself going into and with my first thought, I stop, I breathe. I remember that I am making a decision of who I am in a single moment. Do I really want to be with/as an excuse? Is that all I choose to express, my own limitations? I commit myself to breathe and sort out my decision process, in retrospect, when I see that I am not the directive principle of my life. I commit myself to applying the tool of asking myself: "Is this really what I want to being doing right now?" And answering this self-honestly.

When and as I see myself thrown into the inner consciousness struggle through a moment of fear, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not an expression of fear, unless I am within and as the mind consciousness system. I commit myself to breathe into my physical body and push through the fear, no matter how uncomfortable it is. I realize that this commitment will require time and constant application. I realize that I will not be perfect in the beginning, and thus I commit myself to allow myself to fall and fail; however, I also commit myself to investigate the timeline of external and internal events that produced that consequence, so that I may walk the self-forgiveness and align the correction within me, so that next time, I am prepared to direct myself despite the energetic draw into a mental self-sabotaging experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of inner conflict when faced with such a simple task as making a sandwich. I realize that the deeper issue within this is facing uncertainty. This relationship with uncertainty requires further investigation and structure. I commit myself to bringing this point through into writing in a future post. For now, I commit myself to recording the experience and flow of events when faced with uncertainty. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize the mind entry point of uncertainty. More on this to come.

I see, realize, and understand that there are many versions of resistance energy. The nature, the experience, how they feel and the perception of the power they have over me - it is all what I make it to be, what I accept it to be, what I allow it to be. Within this, I realize that I must create a structure for each form of energy that scoops me up into a mind-based perception of reality. Every specific instance where I allow myself to become thought, feeling or emotion requires a specific structured flag point. At the end of this process I will only ever exist as a breath, as one and equal with all existence, as a participant who chooses to direct himself and his world within the common sense principle of what is best for all.

Until then, I commit myself to investigate everything and keep what is best.

photo source

Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior

This is a core concept that we study in the Desteni Group: How have we automated ourselves as human beings. It's a multidimensional point to look at because firstly there is the mind/body/awareness distinction, there's the unity amongst them, and there are the many layers of logic/emotion within the mind itself. Briefly, who we are is all three, but the distinction can be described as that awareness being who we are, enslaved by the past and future constructs of mind, with the body being our physical expression from which the mind generates or resources all it's energy from. It's like our physical body is a battery for the mental reality, just like in the Matrix! Here's an example of some Desteni material that actually illustrates this point and touches on what I'm going to elaborate on now.

The multi-layered mind holds within it a long history of decisions. We store many memories for the sole purpose of making future decisions easier. This process happens on various levels of consciousness, but primarily we integrate many decision frameworks on a subconscious level in childhood. We continue the process on a more conscious level later one, but the big kicker here is that our conscious decisions are built on the foundation of the subconscious layers. Big surprise: the basic motivations in making these decisions on all the conscious levels are based on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure; fear and desire.

So we've spent our whole lives automating our behaviors, our personalities, our entire perception of reality through a lens of fear and desire within self-interest. The Desteni principle of moving this starting point of self-interest into a starting point of best for all, is merely an act of compassion, integrity, and common sense really. I want what's best for all, but my preexisting mind programs that I've so carefully created to benefit me all those years of my past require an equal care to disengage and realign with my new decision to live by the best for all principle.

Now, putting this all into real life examples, and sharing with you how this point opened up for me. I have yet to stabilize my relationship to the nail biting habit, and I was doing well by not biting them at all for a week, in part because a friend saw my facebook post about breaking this habit and decided he'd strike up a conversation with me about it. We ended the conversation in an agreement to be a support for each other in stopping this obsessive habit. The day we were to speak again, I made a decision that changed everything..

I started to bite one of my nails, I stopped, I thought about what I was about to continue doing, I thought about it more, then I thought about the solution of not doing it AS I CONTINUED TO BITE. As you can see here, I fell. This playout was not a 'stop and breathe' movement. It was a stop and think movement. Interestingly, what really brought my attention to this point was how during the moment I was thinking about the solution and continuing to bite at the same time, my right ear started ringing. I referenced some of the desteni perspectives that I've come across in the past few years to relate the ringing to a misalignment in the structural/physical (right side) 'here' (h-ear) moment, which resonated really well. I was ignoring the physical correction that needed to be put into action in that here-moment.

For the next several days, I continued biting my nails, and I continued investigating the importance of that single moment of accepting and allowing myself to bite my nails, here. I was 'here' with me and my thoughts as I decided to continue biting. This was the moment that I automated an unwanted behavior.

What a silly thing to do. Why would I do that? It's moments like this, where the mind holds contradictions and yet directs us to pay attention to the just the information that suits our immediate desire/fear.

The solution: To stand back up, and begin again with the process of accumulating physical memories of asserting my self-direction with the relationship I have toward the nail biting habit. There are many dimensions of many contexts for which this solution is applicable. We create our reality. I created this relationship to nail biting primarily from a fear starting point of having a nail get ripped off in some freak accident with a screen door slamming shut (memory of this happening to my brother). I see, realize and understand that this relationship, born of fear, does not serve what is in the best interest of all, and thus, I must recreate my mental framework, layer by layer, until I am stable in relation to my nails.

Tomorrow I will continue with the self-forgiveness and corrective application writings. Still to come, How to Program Yourself and Automate Wanted Behaviors.

Day 319 - Time flying by

I've been in a mini rut. haven't blogged for two days. First day, I had agreed with myself that I do not want to write the blog on this night. I was tired and unwilling to pump out a mediocre post for some external sake. I realize that this blog is written by me for me. Yes, other's may read it, and maybe people of the future will be reading this in the internet archives. The potential of someone relating to my process is the only reason I write this Journey to Life publicly...I often forget that. I tend to wait until the end of the day, out of habit of doing work for a reason outside of myself, some reason other than effective self support. Dan, me, I am here to realize the nature and design of myself that I've created, accepted and allowed. Why, so I can walk the self-forgiveness process and release mental charges that keep me in polarized experience, keep me out of my breath. To reside in the moment here, within my body, instead of within a mind domain that is elsewhere, taking breath and life for granted. Distracted or preoccupied. No time for self to support self.

This is not okay. The world is on a path to WW3. There's a storm of jobless people coming, and I'm sitting in my parents house resisting my individual process with whatever excuse seems valid in a moment. There are over 30,000 deaths today from hunger alone according to http://www.worldometers.info/ (Thanks for the source Garbrielle's blog!). Time is not a luxury for everyone.

I am educated. I have heard the desteni message, and I understand the solution = my participation. With out me, how can I expect anyone to do anything. I have no excuse to not live as the solution. I realize this, yet I still allow myself to abuse time. Not acceptable.

The second day I chose to skip my writing was due to me delaying and delaying until there was not enough time to write a quality post. When I take this out of the context of time and external responsibility, it looks like I am just not willing to do what I need to be done.

I have a responsibility that is expanding as I walk my individual process. Once I clear my head, I will then be best able to support others and fulfill my equal and one role of participating as the solution. One life. One world. One problem...the mental conditioning that keeps us looping in distractions and excuses, drastically limiting our potential as the One solution.

I've recently been reading a book that was gifted to me called The ONE Thing. The key idea is that successful people have just one thing to do. By focusing on just one thing at a time, we can accumulate our accomplishment and be successful in whatever we set our minds to. A large amount of the human race is racing for money alone. Some others have made a girl/guy their one thing. Others, a sports team. For me, my one thing is the world. That's a huge one thing, and I've allowed myself to get bogged down and overwhelmed by it all.

This is no joking matter. This is the one thing holding me back right now. I need to start taking myself more seriously. How I spend each moment is a choice: Do I react within a preprogrammed set of rules within my consciousness, OR do I breathe and consider the self-honesty of myself? Will I allow the feeling to be my excuse for why I can't do it, OR will I stand and direct myself to do what is best? So simple. The faster I figure this out, the less I'll be kicking myself in the butt.

Time is flying by as I watch from the perspective of a consciousness initiated time-loop.
-- OR --
Time is where I am. Time is timeless. Time is who I am. There is only one Time, here.

I commit myself to get back into effective self-supportive writing, on the daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of my one purpose, living true compassion for life. As a global-social entrepreneur.


I commit myself to the ONE thing that matters most: educating myself into becoming a living solution.

Day 306 - Morning Mind Play

Continuation of:
Day 305 - My Earliest Written Blog Post Yet
Day 304 - Morning Boot Up

Cool. I had a nice opportunity to play with my mind, and what did I find? The morning wasn't kind.

Seriously though, I made some interesting participatory observations. Here's a brief walk through: Alarm goes off, wasn't expecting it, but I adapt. I turn it off during a feeling of heavy wake-up resistance, head straight back to the pillow. Mind reminds me to exercise my breathing application to dissolve the resistance feeling. Slowly, my breathing turns into ego/thought, fail. Recovered 45 minutes later. I realize I can't be laying down in the most comfortable position ever if I want to wake up.

Solution:
One breath   > upright position. Continued breathing until stable. Direct self to begin the day.

Also, reporting on how the rest of my yesterday went after posting my earliest blog ever :
- Got more done.
- Felt like I still needed to be writing during the 10th and 11th hour of the evening
- Bottom line: When I start my day with self-supportive actions, like writing, I continue my day in a relatively more self-supportive way.

So, here I am now, typing up another morning post. It's freeing. It even seems like the day lasts longer. In addition to waking up earlier, I also don't have a looming responsibility that I've put on hold the entire day. The key difference is that instead of wanting to spend my time distracting myself from whatever I am procrastinating, I am free to move on to the next responsibility, effectively accomplishing more in a day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay responsibilities and not realize how I'm amplifying my inefficiency by expelling effort within the delay/procrastination suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify sleeping in within the domain of my mind while under the influence of morning tiredness energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight within myself as the various voices/backchat that are back and forth "do I get up/do I just sleep" not realizing that participating in this inner dialogue IS within the design of the resistance energy that pulls me back to my pillow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am choosing to place my head back down on the pillow through accepting and allowing that resistance energy to direct me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and stand as one and equal with the energies of my mind, taking full responsibility for my actions, instead of blaming my actions on a mind in separation of who I really am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mind for my behavior.
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When and as I see myself delaying a responsibility, I stop I breathe. I realize that if I initiate damage control by trying to hide from my decision to postpone a task, I am being dishonest with myself and creating consequences that I don't want. I commit myself to assist and support myself when operating within a delay, to either face the resistance and do the 'dreaded' task, or engage in other prioritized tasks within an agreement with myself to accomplish the delayed task at a specific time frame.

source

When and as I see myself debating and justifying why I should go back to sleep in the morning, I stop I breathe. I realize that in this state of mind, I am unfit to make a stable decision. I commit myself to sit up and breathe until the resistance energy is not the sole director of my decision. As I consider all that I could be doing with my day and as the resistance is no longer overwhelming, I will allow myself to go back to sleep if that seems needed. For now I am on a probationary period of one month. If this point becomes an issue again, I'll make adjustments.

When and as I see myself blaming my mind for my behavior, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am the mind, that there is no separation, that no one but me alone is responsible for my behavior. I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to identify each relationship point of blame/separation  between myself and my mind, so that I can and will walk the correction. The solution as standing one and equal with one's own mind, accepting the responsibility of one's own reactions, even though it seems out of our control, it isn't. I commit myself to accepting the responsibility for myself and in so doing, showing others that they can too: Operation Disband Victim Culture.

This isn't over yet. In fact, it's good practice to not think that any of my transcendence points are over because if I do, then I'm probably wrong. The desire to be done is a more potent thought generator than the absolute silence of true transcendence. I commit myself to persist in demystifying the resistance of self-change so that I & WE, equal as one, may walk this self-corrective process more effectively. Thanks.

Day 274 - Success and Failure pt.10

Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance
Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5 - The Critical Moment
Day 270 - Success and Failure pt.6 - The Direction Question
Day 271 - Success and Failure pt.7 - Externalized Directive
Day 272 - Success and Failure pt.8 - The Problem with Mind-Self Separation
Day 273 - Success and Failure pt.9 - The Failure Character

...Effective Planning

That's my secret to success that you've all been waiting for since yesterday. This is a topic I've written on before, so it's not a hefty realization. The real substance of this concept comes in with discipline. I was debating on changing the title of this post to be 'discipline' while I was listening to the What If? Life Review because it was mentioned in that interview as one of the critical points of success. I recommend this interview especially to those that have that feeling of waiting for the perfect chance to blossom into success. I spent a lot of my life so far developing this idea in my head that I would achieve great things, and yet I hardly ever took proactive steps to achieve my visions of grandeur that I had for myself. This interview was like a relieving slap to the face.

I stayed with the effective planning title because it requires discipline within it. Ineffective planning obviously does not lead to success. So the big mystery is: What does it take to be effective?

Today, I was effective. I had taken just a few moments last night to write down what I wanted to do with my day, and this time I only put 3-5 items. Some of them were time heavy. Others items didn't make it on the list last night, but were pressing...such as listening to some EQAFE interviews. Another task was from the day before. This flexability contributed to me having a productive day. And I was still able to get in some unicycling, yoga, and under an hour of video games. What was different about today?

In days past, I would have no plan of practical accomplishment to adhere to. I used to smoke weed and enjoy the moment, listen to music and waste time with enjoyment and fleeting, positive feeling activities that had consequences. I would just delay/deny the consequence as long as I could. The moment I had to pay for it was so compressed that I could just rush through my responsibilities at the 'last minute' effectively condensing the experience of consequence...which in itself created more, longer-term consequences. When I stopped smoking the ganja just over 4 months ago, I didn't realize that I still had to deal with the various habits of procrastination and desire indulgence. It's like I had peeled back just one layer, and since then I've been able to continue in my process of self-change and becoming increasingly self-responsible. It's really cool!

I'm finding that by setting achievable goals daily, the only other thing I have to do is do them! The resistance that I experience in relation to actually doing the work fades the more I push myself into the new habit of self-will. It's really quite something to look at from the old perspective of that resistance energy that was seemingly too much to deal with, that laziness drug of the mind; it's made my will-power look like a wimpy little muscle. The more that I've flexed that muscle, the more my perspective has changed. In retrospect, pushing myself to get through the resistance of self-change is the most rewarding gift I have ever given to myself. Once I know what I can accomplish, once I start lifting heavy weights, I have no reason to regress.

Occasionally, I might regress as I am building my consistency. I plan to not be perfect from the get go anymore. This it the new failure attitude that I wrote about yesterday. I can only truly fail if I fall and don't get back up. It makes sense that focusing my efforts on getting up faster would speed up my process in becoming consistently effective. So, I plan to have a bunch of micro-fails. I plan to stick with myself, with my breath, to pick myself up as many times as it takes until I stop falling down. Once I've stabilized with one point, I'll move on to the next point that isn't stable. Next point I've already decided to work on...is another big one. One of those points that seems impossible to control now, but now, I know what I am capable of doing. Now, I understand that as sucky as it may seem to walk through the resistance of self-change, it really pays off. That next point: The sweet tooth character.

Thank you to all the supportive people in the desteni group, on the forum, those involved in my Desteni I Process, and all those close to me that reflect who I have become. And most of all, thank me for taking on the challenge of self-change through self-honesty and self-forgiveness. And thank YOU for reading. Stay tuned for more living insight to come.

Until then, support yourself by clicking on any of the links in this post.

Except this little one at the bottom. That one doesn't count as self-support assistance  :)

picture credit

Day 177 - Trying to Hide

Desteni Artwork by Andrew Gable

If I wasn't so committed within myself to write everyday, I wouldn't be here writing this right now. I've been looking for distractions as if I was going crazy...I think I am crazy, and I'm just starting to really see it. I've been accepting and allowing myself to run and hide from myself most of today. What's fascinating me is that I've been doing this for a much longer time than just today. It's scary to think about. It invokes shame, regret, disappointment...

There seems to always be more, but even within this statement, I am holding myself back from the specific facing of each point through a design of saying "too much for me to see clearly" (in between the lines), and so warrant myself to give up on myself. This is some bullshit. I no longer allow this self-abuse to continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I've been giving up on myself within the thought that there is too much to be done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed and disengage when faced with an apparent circumstance where too much is at play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to fear and run from what's practically here when it seems like too much to handle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to breathe and return to myself here, realizing that the feeling of too much is simply another reaction of mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my reactions toward responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to escape from my reactions, not realizing that they are just compounding and becoming accentuated within and through delay.
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at myself for what I've allowed, not realizing how this anger is a reaction that isn't best for all. With the anger, I hold myself back from being effective within anything. Within the breathing application, I stabilize and direct myself as an equal and one participant with life in doing what's best for all.I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not do what's best for me in every moment. I realize this is a process of becoming aware of my physical body through and as breathing, and so I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to try to run from my problems.

Temporary solutions are not solutions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is permissible to just try to cover up and hide my allowances within self. This is unacceptable. Take a look at the whole picture. How does this moment's action contribute to the whole/end game? Wasting my time with media and distractions is not much different than using drugs and alcohol. I am trying to hide that I am running from my problem.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and hide from myself that I am trying to run and hide from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run from myself in the first place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not remember to breathe and direct myself in alignment with what is best for me and all. Until this is the dominant habit of my living expression, I write. I write my experience, share it with the world (because that's cool), and I face each and every inner dynamic of my being until I am wholly aligned with the best for all principle. Any thing less than best for all is not what I want.

Basically, it's time to grow up and become responsible for every aspect of myself. This is my mission. This is what I will wake up with in mind. I commit myself to stop running from my responsibility toward myself and all. I commit myself to stop trying to hide that I am hiding/running. I commit myself to practically applying myself within these words.

When and as I see myself trying to run, then trying to hide that I'm running, then try to hide that I'm hiding that I'm running, I stop I breathe. I realize that getting angry with myself is only another mental friction that I have also been trying to hide. I commit myself to stop hiding, running, and reacting toward the running and hiding with anger that I have tried to hide.

When and as I see myself within the experience of too much and move to run/hide this, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not effectively circumventing the situation as it simply compounds/delays the consequence. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see this pattern earlier, and for getting angry at myself for not having seen this pattern earlier.

Until here and no further, I commit myself to stop delaying without concern or consideration for the sum total of consequences that I am accumulating through postponement.

I commit myself to walking the multiple dimensions of this delay character that finds it permissible to postpone the inevitable facing of myself here. Because I am compromising what I can make of myself with every moment that I throw away in repetitive patterns of self-abuse.

I commit myself to breathe. Keep breathing. Keep moving.

I realize this isn't an overnight process, and while it may take some time to sort this all our for myself, this is not to be used as an excuse for further delay. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to use this realization of non-instant self-transformation as an excuse to procrastinate. I commit myself to keep getting back up and on track within each and every breath. Write.

Day 174 - No more New Year's Resolutions

"Don't let change get date raped" - Matti Freeman

New Year's Re-Solution : Recycled Solution...

English: New Year's Resolutions postcard (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It's easy to forget that we committed to change so long ago (15 whole days!!)

This is a really interesting post for me. When I started this new year, I made 2 reasonable new year's resolutions: Be a more effective planner and, at some point, stop biting my nails. I didn't see the harm in utilizing a year change to motivate myself to change.

I have come to realize how by doing this, I compromise myself within change by pinning it to a particular date/time outside of myself, here.

This is a key.

Basically, if I change within the year's change, I am not only requiring an external definition for self-change, I'm also hindering my ability to change at ANY given moment.

This random free-use picture is nicely illustrating the perspective of someone ineffective, not armed with self-forgiveness, nor the awesome support offered by the Desteni group. Support yourself by investigating to understand real self-change and not end up asking: "What more can a poor man do?"

How about stop pretending to be a poor man and stand up for yourself by living real self-change absolutely!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to change myself by depending on an externalized point, such as a new year, instead of realizing myself as the directive principle of self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the start of a new year can help me change, not realizing that only I can help me change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the the moment of change exists in each moment of applying that change, not just one moment in the past/future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt my ability to change within one breath, every breath, as me standing up inside myself within breath always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dis-empower myself through the design of hope, in that this year or this time, I will make a change because last time/last year, I wasn't able to.

When and as I see myself placing value within an something external to aid me in changing myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that true self-change happens inside myself and results in an everlasting agreement with myself. I commit myself to continue to acquaint myself with absolute change, where real, internal commitments with self stand eternally.

I commit myself to eternally standing within the principle of oneness and equality such that I will walk process until it is done, and then continue to assist and support all as me in realizing Self.

When and as I see myself inclined to make a new year's resolution with the rest of the people in my environment, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is a moment of separation where I am placing the responsibility of change, at least in part, separate from me by giving it to the new year. I commit myself to investigating why I haven't already made the self-change in question. I commit myself to writing out the pattern of the desired self-change so that I can walk within real self-change absolutely.

When and as I see myself doubting that I can make a change in one moment of one breath that stands absolutely in all moments within every breath, I stop I breathe. Here, I realize my direct responsibility for myself and what I've accepted and allowed myself to become. I commit myself to not shy away from my acceptances and allowances, breathe, and direct myself in alignment with what's best for all life, no longer allowing the energy to direct me.

I commit myself to showing others that the process of self-perfection is real & possible. That no solution to our real problems can be due to the change of a calendar date. That we are all individually responsible to stand absolute in self-change made within, as and for self. I commit myself to exemplify this process of self-change for all.

Thanks, you're welcome, and to all a goodnight.

Day 141 - Establishing Self-Leadership

Continuing with the first delay point from Day 140.

This character that I'm about to open up is one that I've largely been unconscious of and has been basically active since birth. My mother has been my primary leader for my whole life, and I haven't yet established myself as the primary reality creator of my world. Haha, kind of a big point, but then again, most of them are, or seem to be.

This character pattern has come to my attention because I've been back in my home environment after college, and there is a tendency to allow my mother to still create the vibe of my day, as her tendency is to continue to do so. Interestingly, when my dad is home from work, he still keeps his work ethic in motion and I find myself to be more productive around the home in helping him out. I generally match his efforts in contributing the household chores and whatnot. And in college, I also went with the flow of social life, only taking care of my responsibilities when I absolutely had to. Interesting realization, I must proclaim.

Initially, my perception was how the environment stimulated me differently, and I liked how life was "faster" with more to do and more being done in my college setting. What I didn't see within holding that perception is how I am blaming my environment for my lifestyle choices. It eerily seems like I've never really been making lifestyle choices and more just going with the flow of my fears and desires in different social contexts. This pre-determination flow is the mainstream argument against free-will. The desteni material suggests that when we become the directive principle of our lives, one with the physical, we can change our pre-determined destiny, and yet there still is no 'free-will'...but I won't get into that now :)

Here, my goal is to unravel how/why I've been abdicating the responsibility of self-leadership. The whole point of this blog and the Desteni I Process is to establish self-honesty and the effective leadership of self. So, this primal resistance of delay within my day-to-day living shall be one of the first serious habitual processes to go. And so I write:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I've abdicated my responsibility of self-leadership through continuing the childhood existence-orientation of being guided by others/mother/external factors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the external forces for my day-to-day living/existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to so easily move into delay/procrastination and not realize the consequence compromising self within the total picture of daily productivity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize other's actions/inaction to justify or excuse my (lack of) self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others as being lazy/unproductive instead of realizing myself within the solution of self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that self-direction is too difficult or undesirable and stopping there, instead of simply writing about any resistance that I experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that in writing about my resistances, I am directing myself through self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to stand as the solution within actualized realizations.

When and as I see myself moving into to delay because others in my environment are in delay, I stop I breathe. I realize that is process of establishing self-leadership requires that I lead myself and that in allowing the energy of others to direct me, I am abdicating the responsibility towards self and others as one.

I commit myself to stop allowing external forces to dictate and determine my energy, attitude and work ethic.

I commit myself to no longer justify or excuse my decisions on the basis that "if others are doing it, so can I."

I commit myself to becoming acquainted with the stability of self, here, within the physical, and no longer allowing the energy of my environment to determine who I am in relation.

I commit myself to continue to push through resistances through writing about them as this has already proven to be effective, and the alternative of allowing the resistance energy to direct me has consistently proven to be an ineffective submission experience.

I commit myself to stopping the judgement of self and others being lazy by standing within this point and effective directing it.

I commit myself to show others, by example, that effective self-leadership is possible.

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If you would like to begin supporting yourself in becoming the directive principle of your world, I highly recommend starting by learning the structure of effective self-freedom writing here: