Day 382 - Uncertainty Flavored Resistance

Yesterday, toward the end of my post here, I opened up an important point. I have known for some time that there is something significant about my relationship to uncertainty, but I'm now moving myself to push through the uncertainty around my relationship to uncertainty.

Let's start with what I do know:

• When faced with uncertainty, a resistance comes up at least partially because the emotion of possibility of failing is accentuated because I am unable to predict a likely outcome.
• Within this point, I am erroneously defining certainty as that which my mind determines to be probably (with confidence) true.
• The uncertainty of succeeding produces an inner experience of being immobilized.
• Why? Because I define myself by my successes and failures (ego/mind level)
• Taking into consideration that my mind can't predict the outcome, I realize that facing uncertainty is inherent within personal growth; implying that solely acting within the parameters of what we know prevents us from discovering anything new about ourselves.
• Why? Because our mind's predictions are based on past experiences....which means that the comfort of certainty promotes only the repetition of our past, limiting our perception of reality, and thus our initiative participation within reality.

Well that opened up nicely. I am even beginning to see how this design functions in a social platform and global platform. Today, I'm writing about just my personal level interaction with uncertainty. This is the first time I've used the phase initiative participation, and it works well to capture a key aspect in my experience of how uncertainty affects my decision making process. To take the initiative in any situation, there must be a clarity, a certainty, especially in relation to the end-goal. Key.

There is a bit of a Catch-22 going on here, but it's not an impossible one. One can be clear and certain of what one aims to achieve, without being clear or certain of the exact process required to achieve one's aim. There could be many ways, but none of those ways will be discovered if one passively waits for the clarity to arrive. There is an active search for the solutions that is needed, which is derived from the clarity of one's motivation. Having a clear 'why' creates the certainty needed to create the resolve to push through all resistance arising from uncertainty. Understanding our motivation is a Key to overcoming uncertainty.

But there's more than just understanding required. There is a relationship between Self and Self's Motivation that needs to be looked at. Then being able to push through uncertainty resistance is also an equation of drive. What drives us? Survival, Success, Pleasure, Pain, Fear. We have to become intimate with our driving forces. Okay, I'm going in a circle here. 'Understanding our motivations' is essentially the same as 'becoming intimate with our driving forces', so this is the point I needed to find. It's our relationship with our 'WHY' that allows us to grow.

Why buy what I'm saying? It's math. There is a certainty that arises from walking the processes. We take the initiative, we figure it out, we press forward. With uncertainty, it's just an emotional excuse we use to keep ourselves from exposing ourselves to potentially ego-shattering information. And, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive myself to be my ego; and so, protect, defend and preserve this limited self-definition that is my ego. I commit myself 100% to ending all excuse-generating uncertainty, regardless of how the energetic resistance makes me feel. I stop. I breathe. I initiate my participation. Why?

Because I know my 'why'. I have the best interest of all in consideration, and I'm not going to continue to accept and allow an inner, reactive experience, intertwined with a limited, egotistical self-definition, stop me from investigating and navigating the uncertainty required to get to my certain goal.

What's your goal?

How clear is it?

Why are you passionate about this end?

Where is uncertainty holding you back?

Have you taken the initiative to determine the nature of your uncertainties?

I'll continue tomorrow with expounded self-forgiveness and corrective application statements before I open up 'uncertainty' even further. I hope you enjoyed the bacon.

photo credit

Day 381 - Living Life: It's Not So Hard

This post is a general post about several specific instances where I found that applying myself wasn't nearly as bad as I was making it up to be in my mind.

• Public speaking
• Reading a book
• Writing a blog post
• Learning a 'difficult' subject
• Making a sandwich
• Waking up and getting out of bed
• and many other physical movements

In my past, I've avoiding this issue by going with the flow of it. If there was a discomfort in relation to doing or saying something, I wouldn't do it unless there was a really high reward, or a really negative consequence motivating me. Which brings into question: Was I every really making choices, or was I just being continuously swayed by my inner, reactive experiences to external stimuli?

As I've been walking this Journey to Life process, the aspect of my driving motivation has come into question often. I see that I'm moving from a self-interested, zombie-like human being, into a more considerate and responsible human being. Part of that process requires that I push myself to speak and act within an honor and integrity, even if I don't feel like it. So there is a battle between mind-consciousness generated feelings and emotions and other mind-consciousness generated feelings.

This is the nature of the inner struggle. It is the design of polarity that the mind uses to ensnare us in dilemmas that were not ever real to begin with. The solution is to create a structure for oneself. We are only ever a breath away from stabilizing in our physical body. The trick is to realize when we're in the throes of our mind reality, and this is accomplished largely by placing in a structure that serves as a self-supportive flag point to realize who self is in the bigger picture. As soon as the realization hits: STOP, BREATHE.

What I've noticed more vividly in recent times is that when we get to the point of applying ourselves within any physical movement, it's almost never as bad as we've worked it up to be in our heads. So, to begin phase one of implementing a preventative structure, I'm going to walk the self-forgiveness to disengage myself from the magnetic-like adherence of Self to/within/as Mind. Then the commitment statements serve to provide a new set of rules or structure for how I will direct myself when external stimulus comes in, essentially rewriting my inner script with awareness, moving from self-interested self-abuse into self-aware expression of what is best for all life.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my living expression through participating in the throes of consciousness when faced with a physical participation act that I have resistance toward. In this, I realize that the initial resistance is the first sign of participating in the energetic struggle of the mind. When and as I see myself desiring to do something else, something other than what I originally intended to do, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to consider the biggest picture, to sit and write everything out on paper if I must, and to push myself through any resistance-energy that comes up so that I may focus on my responsibilities with the highest priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my thoughts that come up as excuses and justifications are valid. I see here that with my self-generated excuses comes a specific energy signature that resonants: "this is true; I am right." Within that, I realize that I am automatically believing the thoughts that come up in my mind because I believe myself to be those thoughts, and I don't want to contradict myself! I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to fight for my excuses to be right. Just because they came up first and automatically, doesn't mean that I must obey this initial thought. When and as I'm in resistance energy, and I see myself going into and with my first thought, I stop, I breathe. I remember that I am making a decision of who I am in a single moment. Do I really want to be with/as an excuse? Is that all I choose to express, my own limitations? I commit myself to breathe and sort out my decision process, in retrospect, when I see that I am not the directive principle of my life. I commit myself to applying the tool of asking myself: "Is this really what I want to being doing right now?" And answering this self-honestly.

When and as I see myself thrown into the inner consciousness struggle through a moment of fear, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not an expression of fear, unless I am within and as the mind consciousness system. I commit myself to breathe into my physical body and push through the fear, no matter how uncomfortable it is. I realize that this commitment will require time and constant application. I realize that I will not be perfect in the beginning, and thus I commit myself to allow myself to fall and fail; however, I also commit myself to investigate the timeline of external and internal events that produced that consequence, so that I may walk the self-forgiveness and align the correction within me, so that next time, I am prepared to direct myself despite the energetic draw into a mental self-sabotaging experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of inner conflict when faced with such a simple task as making a sandwich. I realize that the deeper issue within this is facing uncertainty. This relationship with uncertainty requires further investigation and structure. I commit myself to bringing this point through into writing in a future post. For now, I commit myself to recording the experience and flow of events when faced with uncertainty. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize the mind entry point of uncertainty. More on this to come.

I see, realize, and understand that there are many versions of resistance energy. The nature, the experience, how they feel and the perception of the power they have over me - it is all what I make it to be, what I accept it to be, what I allow it to be. Within this, I realize that I must create a structure for each form of energy that scoops me up into a mind-based perception of reality. Every specific instance where I allow myself to become thought, feeling or emotion requires a specific structured flag point. At the end of this process I will only ever exist as a breath, as one and equal with all existence, as a participant who chooses to direct himself and his world within the common sense principle of what is best for all.

Until then, I commit myself to investigate everything and keep what is best.

photo source

Day 374 - Consistency Update and The Effect of Writing

My last post was a week ago. While posting blogs at this frequency is not yet as consistent as I would like to see from myself, I realize that I am well on my way to getting there. My consistency in other areas has significantly improved, and I'll tell you why: I got back into a groove of writing!

I have a document on my computer that I frequent called Freewrite 2014, and I date and title every entry. It's basically my "digital journal" that I use when handwriting is inconvenient, but I'm not saying that I've ditched handwriting altogether. It's just transformed into more like quick scribbles when I'm waking up and going to bed, which I have found to be very assisting for keeping continuity and staying oriented to my responsibilities. Also, Post-It notes = Awesome, when used effectively, which varies by personal preference. Currently, I have a vision wall that organizes tasks in the different areas of my daily life, but I am still in the process of perfecting this tool. Another digital tool that I've been really enjoying is called WorkFlowy which is a really simplistic  (and free) program that isn't much different than an bullet outline, but I must say, once I had started really using it, I've become more and more organized in my thoughts, and so my life.

Overall, I've started developing which appears to be an excellent habit when I compare it to that day to day slump that I have experienced in the past. The shift from not being the directive principle of my life, to moving myself to get more accomplished everyday is really not as hard as it seemed it would be when I was still in that slump. The resistance from that perspective was more intense. The most significant part of this shift is in looking back, I think "What was I doing?! Why couldn't I see how easy it really is to change?" This "shift" that I am speaking of is not finished. I will again experience resistance in many other areas as well as in the same areas I've already once or twice transcended it. That's why this realization is significant. I know, for myself, through experience, that stopping a state of poor mental health and bringing awareness to what really matters (everything associated with physical reality) is really not that "impossible."

The solution is in fact: writing. Find as many creative ways to write. Get the thoughts out onto paper! Or your computer screen! Transferring mind to physical reality is the most empowering self movement.
--
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full advantage of the tools at my disposal to become the best I can be within my physical application, to ultimately become a significant resource for Life's journey out of our consciousness enslavement that traps each of us in patterns of abuse in one way or another. I realize that from within a state of poor mental health, it's not so easy to see the solution and mobilize self to embody that solution. I commit myself to remain steadfast in my expression to stop my own "slumps" of not directing my life, so that through my process, and all that I become through it, I can be the most effective support for empowering and inspiring what is best for all within everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that my process of overcoming resistance is complete. I see, realize, and understand that this specific realization that is and has come through writing, has just begun. Yeah, sure I'm on Day 374, but that just goes to show that writing is pivotal to self-change every step of the way. I commit myself to bringing the realization of the importance of writing, here, to understand and transcend whatever resistances I am faced with in my journey to a resistance free life, where my living application is always in the interest of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people must realize this point, now! I realize that it's a process, and that each person will have a different pace in the journey through their mind and into their physical equality and oneness. I commit myself to being as supportive as possible to everyone who is interested in becoming the best, as individuals and as an essential part of the whole.

Bonus Links! :
Obviously, Desteni I Process Lite, an excellent writing training grounds
Perspective on the Resistance to Responsibilities by Paul Quessy
And a bit of writing wisdom from the Desteni FAQ on Purification Support

photo credit: wikipedia

Day 373 - Consistency is KEY: Realigning What I Want

So there is this point that's been opening up for me in my past few blogs (Day 372, 371 & 370), and it just keeps getting better. It is becoming increasingly apparent how exactly I'm automating my behavior, how I subscribe to a particular repetitive choice. A new dimension opened up for me just a moment ago: This feeling of need to finish what I've started.

I typically shame myself for not finishing what I start, and I've for a long time reconciled this personality flaw by calling myself "overly ambitious," which is really just a fancy way of saying 'lazy'. The more I dig at this point, the closer I get to locking in that unifying solution, that complete picture. But even here, I see myself standing in separation of the solution, placing myself structurally 'in need' of a grand solution, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding my self-responsibility to enact the commonsense best for all solution in moment by moment living.

Moment to moment: herein lies a great key to success. Why do I get caught up still in projecting an idea of success and then become anxious about how to get there? Why do I focus so much attention on fear of failure? Am I really so caught up in defining myself by external event/judgments? Is it not obvious that moment to moment, consistent application is all that is required?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not reach the goals that I see myself achieving, because in this, I am placing myself in separation of that achievement and thus am in relationship to it. This relationship is oriented through desire and/or fear, 'what ifs' and whatever energies that I am most comfortable participating with in my mind to keep me from stabilizing myself here.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that the here moment is the only moment where I may live as I want to live. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diffuse my ambition through a cycle of mental participation, instead of realizing my responsibility to create in the physical in the one, here moment.

Specifically, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, "I can't do this right," "I don't know what to do," "I don't know how to be successful."

Ahh, I'm caught up in the how...classic mistake. What is my why? Why do I want to be consistent and achieve success? Do I really even want to make a success of myself? YES, so why not make a movement right now to define my hows and get it done. Translate my ultimate why into smaller, more practically applicable steps, and make them my habit.

This is the power of habit creation! What is the 'why' behind my bad habits? Forgive them. Why do I want the good habits, and why aren't I acting now to achieve my goal? Find the resistance points. Forgive self for accepting and allowing these self-created limitations to put a damper on my deepest motive. Live the correction immediately.

I am an expression of physical material in every moment. The trail I leave is composed of my every physical action I make within Earth's Journey through space-time.

What do I stand for? What is my ultimate why? And why am I not living every moment consistently in alignment with this?

A taste of my investigation. Hope you've enjoyed.

flickr photo credit

Day 372 - Expanding on My Automated Lifestyle

Going with the theme of my last two posts:
Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior

Day 371 - Accidental Self Programming

I'm noticing more and more ways that I have subscribed to lifestyles that I don't necessarily want to have anymore. The nail biting opened this point up, where I became aware of myself biting my thumb nail, I stopped and I saw myself choose to continue biting while I distracted myself in a mental analysis of this act, and finally saw the consequential outflow of that choice being automatically repeated on a subconscious level. The general concept here being that the choices we make are stored and executed in future scenarios when applicable.

What's wrong with this? Oh, I'll tell you whats wrong with it! Mainly, it's the perpetuation of the past. The choices I made minutes to years ago may not necessarily be the same choice that I would make in the present moment. New information comes to light. It would be commonsense to adapt one's perspective to meet the most currant criteria, right? And I'm sure that some people are really good at doing this.

But what happens when...oh let's say you come across this online community going by the name of Desteni, and they proclaim that all is one and equal, which practically boils down to doing what is best for all. This destiny shattering perspective implies that one must now shift the starting point of the creation of one's automated lifestyle choices from self-interest to best-for-all-interest. I've been trying to just stop biting my nails for about 6 years.

The obvious point here is that this kind of self-transformation will take a long time. Rumor has it that if I take this process seriously, and everyday, every moment, every breath I apply self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and corrective application; in 7 years time I will have disintegrated enough of my consciousness programming to see as life. We're all just organic robots with this elaborate mind consciousness system telling us what to thinks, see, hear, and do. Life awareness is tremendously suppressed.

I imagine this life awareness embodied living to be much like freedom from automated lifestyles. There is only a breath and a commonsense action. Not even thinking is required, as the best for all answer is already here as self's instantaneous expression. Aware of every breath. The physical reality is the only reality that  is valid. Supporting other organic robots will be no different than how I supported myself throughout this long journey to life.

But here, it is important to note that creating a future projection of what it might be like to have finished my individual process is not something to get attached to, as that would perpetuate my current perspective. I see it, I let it go. I commit myself to live here in breath.

And now for the dreaded list of programs that I have running my life today. Also important to note here that a negative judgement and taking these habits personally will only prolong my process of realizing and applying the solution. I must stand as the problem and the solution simultaneously if I am to take responsibility for my past and intentionally create the best for all solution that I can practically apply in my daily living.

• Sleeping in, or napping from a mental tiredness - induced when facing resistance; rather than physically induced tiredness.
• Eating for pleasure (i.e. sweets) and eating as a way to delay facing resistance.
• Shopping to get a good deal - allowing those who study the psychology of consumerism manipulate me into buying things I don't really need or even want, oddly enough.
• Watching mini-marathons of TV episodes - allowing the hook at the end to pull me in to another hour that I wasn't really planning to kill.
• Exercise, doing it to achieve a value in appearance/ego, rather than simply keeping my physical body in healthy, self-supportive condition.
• Working for an ego desire to be seen positively by others, rather than working to create a systems that support what is best for all on all levels: personal, interpersonal, & universal.

There are most certainly more programs that I must face. This is just to give an idea of what I am still accepting and allowing at Day 372.

The only choice that remains: Am I going to be self-honest, see the bigger picture and take responsibility to manifest my fullest potential, or am I just going to go with the flow and allow my past to create my future?

...Perhaps realizing your fullest potential isn't going to happen automatically.
lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior

This is a core concept that we study in the Desteni Group: How have we automated ourselves as human beings. It's a multidimensional point to look at because firstly there is the mind/body/awareness distinction, there's the unity amongst them, and there are the many layers of logic/emotion within the mind itself. Briefly, who we are is all three, but the distinction can be described as that awareness being who we are, enslaved by the past and future constructs of mind, with the body being our physical expression from which the mind generates or resources all it's energy from. It's like our physical body is a battery for the mental reality, just like in the Matrix! Here's an example of some Desteni material that actually illustrates this point and touches on what I'm going to elaborate on now.

The multi-layered mind holds within it a long history of decisions. We store many memories for the sole purpose of making future decisions easier. This process happens on various levels of consciousness, but primarily we integrate many decision frameworks on a subconscious level in childhood. We continue the process on a more conscious level later one, but the big kicker here is that our conscious decisions are built on the foundation of the subconscious layers. Big surprise: the basic motivations in making these decisions on all the conscious levels are based on avoiding pain and gaining pleasure; fear and desire.

So we've spent our whole lives automating our behaviors, our personalities, our entire perception of reality through a lens of fear and desire within self-interest. The Desteni principle of moving this starting point of self-interest into a starting point of best for all, is merely an act of compassion, integrity, and common sense really. I want what's best for all, but my preexisting mind programs that I've so carefully created to benefit me all those years of my past require an equal care to disengage and realign with my new decision to live by the best for all principle.

Now, putting this all into real life examples, and sharing with you how this point opened up for me. I have yet to stabilize my relationship to the nail biting habit, and I was doing well by not biting them at all for a week, in part because a friend saw my facebook post about breaking this habit and decided he'd strike up a conversation with me about it. We ended the conversation in an agreement to be a support for each other in stopping this obsessive habit. The day we were to speak again, I made a decision that changed everything..

I started to bite one of my nails, I stopped, I thought about what I was about to continue doing, I thought about it more, then I thought about the solution of not doing it AS I CONTINUED TO BITE. As you can see here, I fell. This playout was not a 'stop and breathe' movement. It was a stop and think movement. Interestingly, what really brought my attention to this point was how during the moment I was thinking about the solution and continuing to bite at the same time, my right ear started ringing. I referenced some of the desteni perspectives that I've come across in the past few years to relate the ringing to a misalignment in the structural/physical (right side) 'here' (h-ear) moment, which resonated really well. I was ignoring the physical correction that needed to be put into action in that here-moment.

For the next several days, I continued biting my nails, and I continued investigating the importance of that single moment of accepting and allowing myself to bite my nails, here. I was 'here' with me and my thoughts as I decided to continue biting. This was the moment that I automated an unwanted behavior.

What a silly thing to do. Why would I do that? It's moments like this, where the mind holds contradictions and yet directs us to pay attention to the just the information that suits our immediate desire/fear.

The solution: To stand back up, and begin again with the process of accumulating physical memories of asserting my self-direction with the relationship I have toward the nail biting habit. There are many dimensions of many contexts for which this solution is applicable. We create our reality. I created this relationship to nail biting primarily from a fear starting point of having a nail get ripped off in some freak accident with a screen door slamming shut (memory of this happening to my brother). I see, realize and understand that this relationship, born of fear, does not serve what is in the best interest of all, and thus, I must recreate my mental framework, layer by layer, until I am stable in relation to my nails.

Tomorrow I will continue with the self-forgiveness and corrective application writings. Still to come, How to Program Yourself and Automate Wanted Behaviors.

Day 361 - Enjoy the Process -OR- Focus on the Outcome

In Desteni, there are many tidbits of wisdom that can be breeze right through one's mind and not take hold. Today's topic is one of them:

Enjoy the Process

My initial relationship to this phrase was, "Yeah, sure, will do. Why wouldn't I?" And that relationship stuck with me for quite some time, and it wasn't until now that I realized the need to redefine this relationship for myself. I have been missing the point. Within my shallow acceptance of this phrase, I skipped over the practical application of it in my life. I hadn't taken the time to even see where/how exactly this phrase could be integrated as a self-support application. Well, now I see it.

I was discussing my progress, or lack thereof, on an DIP Pro assignment with my support buddy, and one of the points that came up was how I wanted to have the assignment done correctly, if not better. This is a familiar personality design I have known as myself for many years: The perfection character. To stop my inner perfectionist from sabotaging my progress, I'm beginning today with peeling back the layers of mental schemas that compose it.

Problem:

• I create an ideal outcome in my imagination
• I get attached to that perfect outcome
• Desiring to define myself by it
• In fear of failure, I shut myself down before even trying
• Fearing to define myself by/as a failure

Solution:

(here is just the initial session of SF statements and corrective application statements - more to come!)

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for allowing myself to be overwhelmed, not realizing that within this judgment, I separate myself from the point and further disempower myself to stand up from within it, taking responsibility for it, and change.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay and procrastinate my responsibilities because I fear not having the perfect outcome, that I want to define myself by, instead of getting to know myself in exploring my expression of myself in the process of accomplishment.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing that which I created in a surreal and ideal dimension of my mind, not realizing the extent to which I allow this fear to direct my life.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to define myself by my magnificent accomplishments, not realizing the polarity energy of fearing to be defined by my failures, and how I allow these energies to make my decisions for me, all based on my own mental math to calculate gain/risk for me as ego.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this decision formula, and to have allowed myself to participate within it, unchecked, for so many years.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how I have been creating myself through calculated, ego-serving mental energies.
• I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to fully participate with Desteni and apply the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and corrective application, which I understand are in my best interest but have for too long decided that my energetic mind reality is too powerful.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to the sway of my mental-energy programs.
• When and as I see myself in a moment of resistance energy, I stop I breathe, I realize that this energy is not real in the context of physical reality. It is no more than my own creation, and it has only as much power as I allow it to direct me. I commit myself to stand up from within this energy experience, stop it, breathe, give myself direction in a way that reflects who I want to be (from the perspective of eternity). I move myself and I make decisions that I could live with forever. And when and as I see that I do not, I stop I breathe and I investigate the relationships in every detail.
• When and as I see myself in separation of myself through judging myself or my decisions, I stop I breathe. I realize that the solution isn't so easy as self-judgement -> guilt. I commit myself to realigning my beingness with that decision, to take responsibility for it and face the consequences, so that I can actually produce lasting self-change through the process of accumulating insight and self-trust in applying that insight.
• When and as I see myself procrastinating, I stop I breathe. I realize that my choice to procrastinate has been linked to my fear of failing to reach a desired outcome. I also realize within this that this mental reality always stops at the end-point of failure...meaning I've been basing my internally constructed reality on a timeloop. When a failure occurs in reality, I can then make the choice to try again until I succeed. I commit myself to give it all I got! And when fear of failure programs activate in the mind, I commit myself to recognizing that end-point that seems to be the end of the world, and breathing through it, moving myself into physical participation.

Reward:

• Less anxiety - no more dreading an undesirable outcome
• Enjoying life - life is a process, not a reward at the end
• Productivity - from stagnating within mental loops, to moving within self and the world outside
• Supporting others - most effectively accomplished when the process of change is considered

So now, just need to do is apply some common sense reasoning, and presto! The obvious choice here is to walk through the energetic impulses and attachments to outcomes. As hard as that may seem in some moments, those are the critical moments from which I must stand up and stop the pattern. Who I am is equal to the sum of who I am in every moment, every breath.

Day 288 - Best For All Support

Desteni Artists

Breaking down what is means to practically apply oneself in alignment with what's best for all.

What is Best For All?

This above link directs to the wiki page where a significant amount of perspective has been placed to clarify the mystery. Read on for my perspective on it.

--

There is a common excuse that one does not and/or can't know what is best for all. “How do you know what is best for all?!” they say. Within this question, it is implied that such a perspective is not practical or even possible. There isn't even a moment's consideration for what it would mean to take this stance. There is just a quick reaction to defend the principle of self-interest. What's not realized is that a 'best for all' interest is also in self's interest.

To Clarify: What's best for self, can also be best for all.

I'm sure you can imagine several instances where a self-interested inclination wasn't even good for self, let alone best for self. Common sense with self-interest will likely reveal whether or not there is best for all alignment. You can ask yourself: Is there a fear-based motive behind this interest? Will this interest serve what's in my best interest by expanding of my ability to ultimately support what's best for others? 

A key differentiating factor which is often unrealized is the preservation of fear. (I fear others will 'get the best of me' and so) I must do what is best for me (before I lose in relation to other self-interested people). This is justified because people really are like this. So, one might proceed to blame the world for having to protect their self-interest (in fear of others). The solution to this problem has never been for others to change before self changes.

It is critical to realize the power of leading by example. Try on the best for all perspective. Examine the fears that come up. Forgive the fears and create a common sense solution.

Ex.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I do not become the best in spite of others that they will spite me and I will lose my worth/ability/standing in this world system. I realize that the only way the human race will stop racing to the top is through an accumulation of self-leaders acting within the principle of what's best for all. I commit myself to lead by example by first studying where and when I fall in my application of what's best for all, so I may walk the self-forgiveness process and clean up my relationship to fear and stabilize, here.

Thank you.

Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success

Best way I can think to expand this point is through a bulleted list:

Projected Success

• Internalized from an imagination source starting point
• strong affect on ego / self-image
• feels real
• complete separation from reality
• Hoped for
• reliance on others / external forces (i.e. "the universe")
• self-responsibility & work ethic are compromised

Success

• Diligence
• meticulous
• planned + follow through
• hard work
• Real time, practical application.
• defined within the context of reality; measurable
• Integrity is upheld
• absolutely necessary

Maybe I could go on, but for now I feel comfortable with this outline. It depicts the general point that I am struggling with. For most of my life, I've live in my head. My future projected self was fortunate and successful. "Why would I work hard if I could just maintain that!?" Because I now see realize and understand that it's not practical. I'm not going to achieve this perfect version of self by sitting on my ass thinking about it.

Now that I'm in the real world (a.k.a. out of school) and walking my process within the daily JTL blogging and Desteni I Process, I simply cannot take the shortcuts anymore. I was able to justify it in school because I placed school as something imposed on me by external forces, and I didn't feel bad about cheating the system to get ahead. Now, I find that cheating myself just doesn't work, because why would I even try if I'm not going to be for real. I am directly affected by my work ethic. Integrity is key.

I'm going to take my time with this point. There is more going on here than I can effectively work with in one post. Slow down, break it up into measurable, lived success. See, I'm getting it! :)

Join me tomorrow for a continued expansion through self-forgiveness.

Day 256 - What does Commitment mean to Me? Part 3

This is a cool perspective that I've recently contemplated. If I define commitment as something that stands indefinitely, I can apply this generalized statement to expand my perspective as I intend to do right now.

The first thought that popped into my head was the spoken word. They taught my in college that communication is irreversible and that resonated with me. You can mitigate and spin what you say, but once something happens, it has happened, and will always have happened. So, to think that I don't always consider the ramifications of what I say and do is a real bother. This was one of my key alignments with the Desteni message as well. I am the words I speak. I am my past actions and must take responsibility for them if I ever want to change how I live my life.

So, Commitment is simple. It undoubtedly stands throughout time. What are the implications of that? That indicates there is an alignment problem with all of the past commitments that I haven't been able to uphold? Why have I done that? Optimism. Not seeing the whole picture and all the dynamics at play. Like with the nail biting habit, I still haven't taken the time to investigate all the detail of why I start each movement. I erroneously clumped together a bundle of points and labeled them by a single physical manifestation. Why? Because anxiety seemed too big to take on...and who know what else I am missing? Well, I do.

I commit myself to the realization of my insight and ability to patiently walk through all relevant points until I can stand clearly within a commitment.

I get it now. I realize that self-commitments aren't something to just throw out in hope of self-change. Self-commitment is my living word. It is a tool to indicate to myself who I am. Great Scott! Behold the power!! Haha. Really though, if I continue with this bad habit of haphazardly writing self-commitments, I will prolong my process and deteriorate the the power of my spoken word. It's abusive. I will no longer tolerate myself wishing for my commitments to myself to magically/automatically take hold.

I commit myself to utilizing self-commitments as an extension of my beingness. And I realize that I will not be able to live out every commitment here forth in perfection. I must walk this process of consequence for all of the past abuse of my spoken word. Layers of self-doubt emerge nearly with my every move. Instead, I commit myself to recognizing which commitments falter, and to investigate the dynamics that lead to this failure.

I realize there is a lot at play, and especially as I dig deeper into the layers of my mind, I will need to have my self-commitment tool sharpened and functioning flawlessly. I so want everything to be done in an instant...like, "ok, I realize I'm one and equal with all life," the end. But at the same time, I am glad to pay penance for my sins by practically walking each point of myself into alignment with what's best for all. I dig the personalized challenge :)

Ha, and now I see that it is my mind that wants it all to be done in an instant, which acts as a fail-safe protective mechanism. Like with the nail biting, perfect example. I wanted it done in one moment, I can't maintain the temporary energetic 'change,' I become disappointed with myself as I live out my fear of failure. And so I spiral back into mind-controlled. A common sense, self-directed, lived application of myself through word and deed is the goal, and every moment of every breath is the measure.

So, human race, it's not a race. Who are you in a moment? Are you consistent?
Thank you.

Day 226 - Nail Biting: Failure

OK, I'm going to dispel a layer of resistance I've been facing with regards to my nail biting habit. Since my first attempt to stop biting my nails 210 days ago (damn), I've experienced a limiting shame, discouragement, and embarrassment associated with failing in the stopping of my nail biting habit. I have been delaying returning to the point because I've been waiting for some external help, knowledge, or just becoming more effective with my self-forgiveness.

And that's another point, I blamed my ineffectiveness on my weakness within self-forgiveness. Man, that's an ugly sentence. And the one following shows how my shame has been limiting me in refacing this point. AND that sentence show's my reluctance still yet to take responsibility for myself. I blame the shame, and go into delay. It's a 'mental route,' if you will, that leads me back into enslavement. I'm beginning to grasp just how dangerous blame can be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that through manifesting my fear of failure by allowing my participation within the emotions of shame, embarrassment and discouragement, I have been justifying my reluctance to face this point more thoroughly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become unmotivated to continue my investigation of my nail biting because of how I think others would see me as a failure, or "taking too long" or "writing too much" about this point of nail biting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that by being honest with my self here, I am able to really walk this point in the necessary depth it will take to be effective, and in the process, other's may read the detail of my story How I actually stopped biting my nails.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of going deeper into my mental patterns and habits because of a fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and justify the thought "If I am thorough, and fail, I am screwed."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am manifesting failure through the fear of failure based thought "If I really try hard, and fail, I am hopeless and all I've worked at through self-forgiveness is pointless." Ok, this is opening up. Amazing to actually see what self is thinking by placing it into writing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the time to become intimate with myself through writing exploration of the various surface points that come up in relation to the "big" points that seem "impossible" to deal with. In this, I realize that I have not permitted myself a real shot because I want change to happen now, instantly, fast.

Realizing also, that I did in fact have backchat thoughts toward my initial attempt to stop nail biting on Day 14, 15 & 16; which was something like, "I'll span this one out over 3 whole days, so then it'll have to work."

When and as I see myself projecting how long it will take to change, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is a subtle yet valid externalization of responsibility to time. I commit myself to the continual realization that I am responsible to living and changing me.

When and as I see myself desiring change to happen fast, I stop I breathe. I realize that change can only happen as fast as I allow, and that when there is resistance to change, further investigation is required. I commit myself to digging deep within the many layers contributing to my nail biting habit, and giving myself plenty of time and space to accomplish this. Thanks for this assistance Garbrielle.

When and as I see myself fearing that I will not be effective, I stop I breathe. I realize that through this fear, I manifest the result of that which I fear. I commit myself to the breath-by-breath walk of self-change, giving me plenty of time and space, and stopping only when the point is cleared and I am stable within the change.

When and as I myself thinking that "big" points are "impossible," I stop I breathe. I realize that there are multidimensional layers of mental relationships that I have placed within seemingly giant points, such as nail biting. I commit myself to not attempt to go for the quick and easy fix, but realize the amount of work and will that is required to STOP myself, AND THEN take the necessary steps to CHANGE myself.

When and as I see myself failing IF I were to try, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have entered the mental space and forgotten about my breath and the practical application of my physical toward an outcome that is best for all. I commit myself to never again letting fear of failure perpetuate my resistance toward a point for an extended period of time without an agreement with myself.

The specific emotions that come up in relation to how I judge myself for biting my nails will be continued in installments to come. Thanks for reading.

For some fascinating perspective that assist with the point of facing failure and self-change:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/03/day-316-sensitive-souls-how-to-face.html

Day 213 - Self-movement: Perspective

Today, I kept thinking about this perspective for some reason. It's the perspective of the detailed effort involved in a physical movement or set of movements to get a task done. This is hard to describe inside of myself, so I'ma write it out!

This perspective that I am going to do my best to describe it seemingly common sense movement. Great example: Walking across the street. What does it take to do that? FIRST, it's a turning of the head in both directions to check for cars. Then, there is a step, followed by another step, etc, but even before that there is a neck movement to place one's head slightly off balance in the direction we want to walk.

One of my real life examples from today: I waxed my snowboard for the first time, so maybe that was another reason why my movement-perception wasn't so automated. From one perspective it takes a lot of work, almost an overwhelming amount of work (thus the $8 alternative of paying someone else to do it). This overwhelming perspective happens before any time is spent. When one is willing to dedicate the time, the series of steps naturally unfolds when the tools and the know-how are available. Heat the iron, drip the wax, spread the wax with the iron, scrape off the excess, clean up the excess, turn off the iron. Even this quick description I didn't immediately think about having to toss the excess wax in the trash. Heck, we could have swept the floor if we wanted to be thorough.

The point of sharing this perspective is to unfold the decision process and bring a little awareness to the physical. I notice that I make quite a few decisions based on the perception of all the effort required to complete a set of physical movements for a given task. This "effort" is a loaded term. Effort is relative. How I relate to work determines effort perception. The relationship indicates a separation, and I think with today, for some reason, I was more tuned into what is required to complete physical tasks in a simplistic perspective that was intriguing. Just doing what has to be done.

The inverse perspective (instead of this perspective), is that the movement is automated. Decision to cross the street does not normally consider ALL of the physical movements/effort because there is a relationship toward these movements. Tilting the head forward is easy. Placing one foot in front of the other by bending the knee in conjunction with a minimal effort abdominal contraction is easy. The only real consideration that happens is how many of steps it will take.If the road is 7 miles wide (i know, crazy) then we may choose not to cross the road depending on the reward vs effort of walking that far.

Yes, this is a broad perspective, but I was intrigued with insight. It's not a new perspective, but I've never written about it before. It's a perspective I am drawn to and the primary reason I like to study parkour, free running, and everything related to balance. I really like trying to understand and gain mastery over the physical movement through space time...I think I like it because there is so much room to learn, grow expand my body vocabulary. The newness of learning how to balance on a unicycle is some kind of physical intimacy.

free use flickr image

Again, the inverse perspective would be that I already know how to...make a sandwich, or say with yoga, when I already know a posture or a movement, it is automated. I make a decision, and my mind just put my body there automatically, and I have room to think about something else. Ah, here lies the crux of it all. Long distance running, another example, on a treadmill even. The know-how of each physical body movement is squared away in the mind, and it leaves the space for us to zone out and think other thoughts and daydream. With parkour, there is more of a continual challenge and adaptation to the environment that keeps me more present with the physical reality. The main flag point of mind participation within parkour is when ego and pride step in, especially when others are saying "ohhhh, so cool, great job!" And that's how people get hurt: trying to uphold a reputation of being good or great instead of practically considering the physical limitations.

Ok, join me for some self-forgiveness tomorrow. There's a lot to this perceptual shift, and I want to see how deep I can go in releasing my physical movement programs. Also, I will report on what I notice in relation to daydreaming (separation from the physical) that occurs while I'm boarding down the mountain.

Day 96 - Forgiveness Variance

Thanks Damian Ledesma

There will be updates to this post.

My relationship to the concept of forgiveness is not easy to describe. When it's effectively done, its over, not a whole lot of thinking follows after a point is walked through self forgiveness statements. And I notice that with out laying down the corrective action statement, I can easily fall back into the same point, as if the SF cleared the structure but the imprint was still heavily laid in. To rewrite the structure of a relationship, we actually have to do it. So take responsability for all the relationships I've ever formed, forgive the specific points that hold a charge, then lay down the foundation of the new order within, best written down and so physicalized (you can't trust the mind...well you can trust it will reflect the nature of your allowed existence), and live within that framework as an example of self willed change. Doing all of this for self, with a self definition  of all life.
So far my commitment statements have been weak. Loosely slopped together partly within a starting point of 'having to do it' and so wasn't living with my words. I was "BSing" it, to use some school days lingo.

This is the first point of variation that I see: a reactive approach vs an authentic approach.
In reactive mode, I'm just doing the forgiveness as a reaction to events or thoughts, not considering myself fully equal with my words. I guess you could relate it to "half-assing" it. I don't like "half-assing."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a negative relationship to "half-assing" wherein I judge others as this but not myself. With a self-honest look, I am half-assing many aspects of life, relying on the assumption that I'm smart enough and would not half-ass serious projects, well I do & I forgive myself for that. When and as I see myself not completing a project, or not giving it my full potential, I stop I  breathe. I realize that I am only cheating myself, and without self-honesty in play, I'm screwed.

In self-honesty mode, I realize a point in my mind that is programmed and non-sensical, and then speak/write out a flow of honestly spoken self-forgiveness. The release is notable, and sometimes get distracted by my forgiveness and don't get around to laying the new inner law of myself. There is still a fear that comes up, the fear of failing, or not being effective or honest with myself, and I allow that to actually prevent me from trying...no longer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to exist with fear/doubt to the extent that I set myself up for failure/giving up.

I commit myself to keep strong with my efforts of releasing myself from the fears embedded inside me.
I commit myself to keep writing and practicing self-forgiveness and commitment statements, and not to allow my lack of perfection to get in the way of my process. I started, that was the toughest part. The ball is rolling and inertia is true. Time to get even more seriously invested in myself and to stop allowing falls and fear of falls to keep me down.

When and as I see myself wanting to move toward a positive experience and depart from here/reality, I stop I breathe. I realize that to be steadfast within my application of this journey to life, I must stop allowing the BSing and get to work. I also realize that without beginning I can't reach the end.
So, I continue to face my nail biting point until it is done, as I said yesterday. No more running/hiding/suppressing. It's all up to me to sort me out.

Thanks for reading.

Related articles

• Day 39 - Self-Honesty as the Key of Keys
• Day 67 - Self-Forgiveness on Self-Forgiveness
• Day 95 - Continuing with my nails