Day 374 - Consistency Update and The Effect of Writing

My last post was a week ago. While posting blogs at this frequency is not yet as consistent as I would like to see from myself, I realize that I am well on my way to getting there. My consistency in other areas has significantly improved, and I'll tell you why: I got back into a groove of writing!

I have a document on my computer that I frequent called Freewrite 2014, and I date and title every entry. It's basically my "digital journal" that I use when handwriting is inconvenient, but I'm not saying that I've ditched handwriting altogether. It's just transformed into more like quick scribbles when I'm waking up and going to bed, which I have found to be very assisting for keeping continuity and staying oriented to my responsibilities. Also, Post-It notes = Awesome, when used effectively, which varies by personal preference. Currently, I have a vision wall that organizes tasks in the different areas of my daily life, but I am still in the process of perfecting this tool. Another digital tool that I've been really enjoying is called WorkFlowy which is a really simplistic  (and free) program that isn't much different than an bullet outline, but I must say, once I had started really using it, I've become more and more organized in my thoughts, and so my life.

Overall, I've started developing which appears to be an excellent habit when I compare it to that day to day slump that I have experienced in the past. The shift from not being the directive principle of my life, to moving myself to get more accomplished everyday is really not as hard as it seemed it would be when I was still in that slump. The resistance from that perspective was more intense. The most significant part of this shift is in looking back, I think "What was I doing?! Why couldn't I see how easy it really is to change?" This "shift" that I am speaking of is not finished. I will again experience resistance in many other areas as well as in the same areas I've already once or twice transcended it. That's why this realization is significant. I know, for myself, through experience, that stopping a state of poor mental health and bringing awareness to what really matters (everything associated with physical reality) is really not that "impossible."

The solution is in fact: writing. Find as many creative ways to write. Get the thoughts out onto paper! Or your computer screen! Transferring mind to physical reality is the most empowering self movement.
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I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full advantage of the tools at my disposal to become the best I can be within my physical application, to ultimately become a significant resource for Life's journey out of our consciousness enslavement that traps each of us in patterns of abuse in one way or another. I realize that from within a state of poor mental health, it's not so easy to see the solution and mobilize self to embody that solution. I commit myself to remain steadfast in my expression to stop my own "slumps" of not directing my life, so that through my process, and all that I become through it, I can be the most effective support for empowering and inspiring what is best for all within everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that my process of overcoming resistance is complete. I see, realize, and understand that this specific realization that is and has come through writing, has just begun. Yeah, sure I'm on Day 374, but that just goes to show that writing is pivotal to self-change every step of the way. I commit myself to bringing the realization of the importance of writing, here, to understand and transcend whatever resistances I am faced with in my journey to a resistance free life, where my living application is always in the interest of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people must realize this point, now! I realize that it's a process, and that each person will have a different pace in the journey through their mind and into their physical equality and oneness. I commit myself to being as supportive as possible to everyone who is interested in becoming the best, as individuals and as an essential part of the whole.

Bonus Links! :
Obviously, Desteni I Process Lite, an excellent writing training grounds
Perspective on the Resistance to Responsibilities by Paul Quessy
And a bit of writing wisdom from the Desteni FAQ on Purification Support

photo credit: wikipedia

Day 371 - Accidental Self Programming

This blog post is a continuation from Day 370 - How to Program Yourself and Automate Behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try an over analyze and make a moment of physical decision more than what it simply is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to intellectualize my intellectualization by further removing myself from the basic facts of what happened and why, and to have instead written my last blog in separation of my experience, analogous to how I had removed myself from the experience of myself for that single moment of observing myself choosing to continue biting my nail in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue within a physical denial of responsibility when I see myself in a self-abusive pattern, specifically in this case, biting my thumb nail.

I forgive myself that I have continued accepting and allowing this automated decision to delay the stopping of my nail biting habit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to make the physical changes that I see in a moment of clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will do as I have always done, within this, seeing how I haven't always done this behavior, and so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make this habit more than what it is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am less than my automated decisions, creating an experience of inability to change, rooted in fear, and confirming this fear with repetitive failure as I subject myself to the whims of these particular energetic parameters instead of realizing my response-ability to direct myself into and as change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget the importance of breathing. When and as I see myself trailing off into a mind-moment, I stop, I breathe. I refocus who I am in my physical body, and I make a decision to live what is best in the context of everything and everyone, including myself and my fingernails.

When and as I see myself biting my nails, I stop and I breathe. I see myself, and I commit myself to immediately take a physical action because I realize that if I hesitate, even for a moment, I give my mind time to spin and take me away from the physical, here reality.

When and as I see myself in a repetitive behavior that I don't explicitly and confidently want as a part of my lifestyle, I stop, then I take a breath and look at how did this pattern originate. If I do not immediately see the starting point, I can be sure that this behavior pattern is an outdated automation that I had created in my past and reaffirmed over time. In this case, I commit myself to take note and put forth the time to write about this experience until I am clear within my understanding of how this program came to be. From there, I commit myself to writing/speaking the specific self-forgiveness and corrective application to support myself in the process of real self-change.

I commit myself to take a close look at the relationship wherein I continually allow myself to not change, even when I see the self-compromise within the pattern. I realize that I have the solution as writing, self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application. Expand self-honesty, here. Wholesomeness. Integrity. Self-integrity.

Barring self-judgment, I see, realize, and understand the importance of adhering to true integrity, and I commit myself to move steadfast through my attachments/definitions and limitations that I have accepted and allowed of myself up to here.

Thanks me-I-you-us, for together we stand up for and as the solution.

Day 313 - Taking Breath for Granted (SF)

Continued from:
Day 312 - Taking Breaths for Granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take my breath for granted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it's too difficult to be aware of who I am / how I behave within each breath in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize my thoughts, feelings, and emotions before my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately distract myself with activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the self-dishonest nature of deliberately distracting myself, not facing the reality of myself that is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to casually forget my breath, and not take responsibility for  each moment that I digress from the herenessness, into the mental folds, separating myself from the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the perception that my mind's thoughts, feelings and projections are of greater value, thus justifying my separation from reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the value I've defined as my mental processes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what I think will happen if I just breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about what may happen if I just breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself from a starting point of just breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build a false perception of trust in my mental processes, when they are unreliable/unstable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give my breath a chance as my expressive starting point.

Living corrective application statements to follow..

pic credit

Day 242 - Worldly Responsibility

This post is a semi-capstone to my mini writing series on responsibility:
- Day 241 - The Path of Least Resistance

- Day 240 - Timing and Responsibility in my Hands

- Day 239 - Becoming Responsible

I say "semi" because I've realized the multidimensional layering of my current, encrypted personality designs takes patience and persistence to decipher. I have always had a hasty walk. To get from point A to B, I would much rather bike or skateboard, and so within this writing process, where I am walking through my mind and realigning myself with and as life, I have had the tendency to try to race to the finish. So far, I've been trying to move through points so fast that I haven't been giving myself the time to apply and live the correction that I lay out in my commitments.

So, taking responsibility is really a two part process within ONE decision. The decision to actually walk the correction, and then to actually WRITE and APPLY.

It's a little awkward at first, I'll admit. Moving from passive consumption to participatory engagement is strange because I've spent so much time passive and reacting, that self movement and leadership just doesn't seem natural. There is a lot of internal resistance that leads to excuses for not changing self in a way that is self-honestly responsible for how self decides to exist. Why is this important?

The obvious: self-empowering to become a responsible and effective leader of oneself.

The ultimate: not everyone is able to make this choice to become responsible for their living. Us privileged people that have the time and resources to read this blog are unimaginably lucky relative to the far less fortunate citizens of this earth. I recommend this free interview if you want a polar opposite perspective to put your life into perspective.

So, for me to sit pretty, troubled by mundane affairs and getting the nice car for social status, requires a layer of ignorance or complex suppression. How could anyone sit pretty while there are lives on earth in absolute discord and strife? The only reason I can come up with is brainwashed or rather brain-conditioned to feel powerless, inadequate in the context of changing the world. Deep down everyone want this world to be free and fair.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I cannot make this world perfect.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I will fail in this world, that the world is too big for me to make a difference, that I am powerless in the context of the bigger picture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent and seek momentary pleasures because I can.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can simply maintain a happy life for myself through leveraging my fortunate circumstances and ability to provide for myself and maybe for only a hand for of others that I determine are also more valuable than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself, my life as more valuable because of my ability to be successful.

What's going on here? I am forgiving myself for the what ever layers come up in relationship my position in the world. Why? Because I have found this perspective of self-interest to be limiting the amount of responsibility I have allowed myself to take on. What's wrong with that? Self-sabotage to the detriment of all life on earth.

Understand that each has the potential to contribute to creating a world that is best for all. What's more is that if we do not take on this worldly responsibility, who will?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the powers that be to take care of me, completely abdicating my responsibility for my world and reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize my role within existence as a whole.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist contemplating and understanding the implications of universal oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist taking responsibility for my individual participation as a one and equal life-form, manifest.
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When and as I see myself fearing to take responsibility for myself in the context of this entire existence, I stop I breathe. I realize that if the large majority share and allow this fear, we are enslaved to this hellish existence we call Earth. I commit myself to showing others that that I can stand up as a responsible citizen of earth, supporting what's best for all.

When and as I see myself facing resistance toward self-honest, self/world-responsibility, I stop I breathe. I realize that I create this experience of resistance according to my residual pre-programming. I commit myself to walking through resistance within my breath, to be who I am as responsible for my world.

When and ass I see layers of self-doubt in the context of responsibility and overcoming resistance energy, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have to walk through a multidimensional encryption. I commit myself to not giving up, within a full understanding of my ability to stand, utilizing the tools of self-forgiveness and breath to decrypt and remove my conditioned internal experiences, to ultimately create myself as a responsible expression of life within oneness and equality.

One step at a time, I commit myself to stabilizing, here, within my breath, as a pillar of support for all to stand and take ownership of this world.

Day 96 - Forgiveness Variance

Thanks Damian Ledesma

There will be updates to this post.

My relationship to the concept of forgiveness is not easy to describe. When it's effectively done, its over, not a whole lot of thinking follows after a point is walked through self forgiveness statements. And I notice that with out laying down the corrective action statement, I can easily fall back into the same point, as if the SF cleared the structure but the imprint was still heavily laid in. To rewrite the structure of a relationship, we actually have to do it. So take responsability for all the relationships I've ever formed, forgive the specific points that hold a charge, then lay down the foundation of the new order within, best written down and so physicalized (you can't trust the mind...well you can trust it will reflect the nature of your allowed existence), and live within that framework as an example of self willed change. Doing all of this for self, with a self definition  of all life.
So far my commitment statements have been weak. Loosely slopped together partly within a starting point of 'having to do it' and so wasn't living with my words. I was "BSing" it, to use some school days lingo.

This is the first point of variation that I see: a reactive approach vs an authentic approach.
In reactive mode, I'm just doing the forgiveness as a reaction to events or thoughts, not considering myself fully equal with my words. I guess you could relate it to "half-assing" it. I don't like "half-assing."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a negative relationship to "half-assing" wherein I judge others as this but not myself. With a self-honest look, I am half-assing many aspects of life, relying on the assumption that I'm smart enough and would not half-ass serious projects, well I do & I forgive myself for that. When and as I see myself not completing a project, or not giving it my full potential, I stop I  breathe. I realize that I am only cheating myself, and without self-honesty in play, I'm screwed.

In self-honesty mode, I realize a point in my mind that is programmed and non-sensical, and then speak/write out a flow of honestly spoken self-forgiveness. The release is notable, and sometimes get distracted by my forgiveness and don't get around to laying the new inner law of myself. There is still a fear that comes up, the fear of failing, or not being effective or honest with myself, and I allow that to actually prevent me from trying...no longer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to exist with fear/doubt to the extent that I set myself up for failure/giving up.

I commit myself to keep strong with my efforts of releasing myself from the fears embedded inside me.
I commit myself to keep writing and practicing self-forgiveness and commitment statements, and not to allow my lack of perfection to get in the way of my process. I started, that was the toughest part. The ball is rolling and inertia is true. Time to get even more seriously invested in myself and to stop allowing falls and fear of falls to keep me down.

When and as I see myself wanting to move toward a positive experience and depart from here/reality, I stop I breathe. I realize that to be steadfast within my application of this journey to life, I must stop allowing the BSing and get to work. I also realize that without beginning I can't reach the end.
So, I continue to face my nail biting point until it is done, as I said yesterday. No more running/hiding/suppressing. It's all up to me to sort me out.

Thanks for reading.

Related articles

• Day 39 - Self-Honesty as the Key of Keys
• Day 67 - Self-Forgiveness on Self-Forgiveness
• Day 95 - Continuing with my nails