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Writing out current relationship:
- To be seen as weak is like admitting failure. The most significant source of emotion comes from looking at myself through how others will see/judge me. Of course, this is not real, because it’s an internal, mental process of my own.
- Behind this is a fear that my projected, possible self-judgments will manifest in my world through other’s expressions. To protect myself from this fear, I utilize denial, blame, diverting attention, and physically avoiding the situation.
- I want to be in a position of strength. Why? This is safe from the fear of others negatively judging me as weak. This is also a power, an ability to accomplish my goals.
- Any signs of weakness reveal that I am not strong. Weakness becomes a hot button, setting myself into reaction.
Observation of above points:
This is an
EGO point. My ego is put into motion within fear energy and competition, being
better than others. There is a desire to be more than others, and the fear of
being less than others is even stronger. Why? The self-defining nature of
weakness is perceived to penetrate through time, affecting who I believe myself
to be, which means it will affect how I act “for the rest of my life,” which is
in conflict with my vision for myself, my Religion of Self.
Goal:
Letting go
of this reactive programming that’s been limiting my expansion of myself from
weak to strong in a specific dimension of self. To stop hiding my weaknesses
from myself in various ways (i.e. blame, excuses, justifications, denial,
distraction), so that I may accept myself as weak, and allow myself the
opportunity to then strengthen myself within this dimension that I am
self-honestly weak in.
Self-Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak.
I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being perceived as weak.
I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to react with defending myself as ego when
another points out that I am weak in one way or another.
I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to deny within myself when I see that I am
weak in one way or another.
I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be strong without considering
the process of moving from weakness into strength.
I forgive myself that
I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the moments where I become
aware of a weakness when another points it out to me, to commence a self-honest
investigation of this weakness and how I can turn it into a strength.
I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the perceptions of
others of me, so that when another sees me as weak, I must defend myself and
deny this perception to maintain my positive definition/perception of myself.
Corrective Application Statements:
When and as I am being referred to as being weak in some way
or another, I stop I breathe. I realize there is a potential gift here, wherein
I can realize an area of myself that I can improve. I commit myself to stop
reacting to implied weakness within who I am or who I believe myself to be.
Within this commitment, I also commit to apply self-forgiveness when I miss a
breath and go into an unsupportive reaction when someone perceives weakness
within me in one way or another.
When and as I see myself defending my self-concept / ego, I
stop I breathe. I realize that by internalizing the perceived weakness in self
through taking it personally, I am sabotaging an opportunity for self-growth. I
commit myself to stop the systemized perceiving of weakness within self that
calls for a defensive reaction.
I see, realize and understand that this defensive reaction
is a function of mind, as well as: me. I commit myself to taking full
responsibility for my reaction to defend my ego. Despite how it feels
automated, I commit myself to fully let go of the relationship to my own mind where
I am a victim of it. This is separation. The integrated honesty here is that I
allow my mind’s reactions because there was a time in my past where I automated
this specific reaction because it served my self-interest. I no longer need
this program to protect the idea of myself because I now realize that who I
really am is not the ego/self-image. I am life, manifested. I am my physical
body.
And so, I commit myself to utilizing my physical body to
serve as an indicator for when I am in reaction within my own perception of an
attack on my self-image, as strength. I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to believe I am ‘strength’ and that I must preserve this
self-definition by denying and not accepting the notion that I am weak in one
way or another.
When and as I see my body become elevated in discussion, I
stop I breathe. I realize that I have initiated a mental program, I am reacting
with a particular energy/emotion, and that I did not choose to behave this way
in a single moment of self-awareness within and as the breath of myself as my
body. I commit myself to, within a breath, assess who I have become, align the correction
and live it as I exhale.
And this is how I transmute weakness into strength.
