Day 457 - Training for Physical Reality

In my last post, I spoken into a belief that "posting once a day would be too much, or too difficult for me." While I have my reasons and justifications for this, I also see the reality that I could be posting nearly everyday. So, with both perspectives in mind, I decided to make the leap and commit to writing every day last month. What I found by challenging myself, and failing = worth the effort!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trying something because I fear failure. When and as I see myself shying away from something within a mindset of fearing to fail, I stop, I breathe. I realize that nothing gets done when I stagnate with fear of failure, manifesting a failed opportunity of a life I could have lived. I commit myself to facing my fear of failure, embracing the lessons of failure, and carrying on with Self creation in the absence of fear (creation).

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Note: if I really had to or wanted to, I could stop my post here, and call it a day. Just one example-reason that I really have no valid excuse to not post on the daily.

Every reason for why I don't write every day, is linked to escapism. Writing and posting these 7-year-journey-to-life blogs is an effort of facing myself. Facing all the resistances and fears that come up along the way. Sometimes, I really don't want to look at myself, and so I layer the excuses to be "ok" with it. Observing myself in this pattern this for so long now, I've really gotten ample chance to see how silly it is.

Why is it so silly?

If I try to separate myself from the awareness of what is, then I enter a timeloop of specific unawareness, only to come back to awareness eventually. This retards one's growth in self-awareness, and who wants that?

I, as the mind consciousness system, do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to orient to the mind and believe that my dealings in energy are more significant or important that my physical reality. When and as I see myself racing for an energy fix, I stop, I breathe. I realize that there is only one me, and that if I have conflicting priorities, I need to slow down, reconcile who I am and which reality I want to validate and honor. I commit myself to remember to check-in with my starting point awareness, and carefully examine the evolution of my perspective through time; so that I may reverse engineer it, understand who I am within it, and continue building an increasingly consistent and stable character.

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I commit myself to honor and respect the physical laws of the universe.

I commit myself to embrace failure as a vital means of self-growth.

I commit myself to slow down to the pace of my breath, my body and my fingers (for typing), so that I may accomplish more substantial self-creation in the physical world.

I commit myself to ultimately be the director of my mind, instead of following energetic impulses that are inconsiderate of the physical world.

I commit myself to press on and recreate myself everyday! Cheers to a life worth living!

Day 414 - Holding Form

This is a very cool concept I've been playing with recently. In our minds, we utilize imagination to generate pictures. When we're thinking about something that we want (or don't want!), the thought can sometimes be paired with a mentally rendered picture. Furthermore, that picture and thought may come with a distinct and strong feeling; perhaps nostalgia, or dread.

With the word form, I'm talking about a fairly complex entity. The form refers to a specified, cognitive creation. As an internal form, the general or specific qualities that define this form are stable. Throughout our day, we erratically move through various forms or understandings about what is going on what what should happen next. Sometimes a form is fed to us: by parents, preachers and advertising. Any idea can really be seen as a form. An uninvented invention, is but a form until the form holder moves the form into physical existence.

Get it?

Ok, the next part is the how. How do you move form into physicality? There is no one way, and there are many specific forms requiring specific journeys into life. So, what am I saying? I'm saying that truly, the how is irrelevant. It's not worth any preemptive, cognitive burden. When the moment is here to walk the how, that creative moment is potentially a lot of fun. Downstream creative focus is one of the most enjoyable value creation activities that we can participate in. So if the "how problem" is solved, what's the missing ingredient?

The holding part. Take a form and hold it. Also take care in how you hold it. But this how is a practical and essential! It is the difference between holding the form of happily enjoying an ice cream cone after dinner, to fearfully holding the form of an attacker that's always looming in dark allies.

The "holding patterns" phenomenon warrants mention here too. A habitual perception, where the pattern is held in somewhat of a rigid way, often fear-based. It's a repetitively, internally experienced form (or fear) that the mind overlays/projects onto the external world, causing us to make physically-based decisions in a totally twisted way. This can severely limit our utmost potential in this lifetime; and you can forget about having a dynamic & creative application of supporting what is best for all. I'm sure you can think of many examples of how specific holding patterns have shaped your life, for better or for worse.

I choose principle-based holding patterns as my corrected living solution. It takes strength, which requires clarity.

So,

Get clear.
Get strong.
&
Hold forms that are best for all.



- thank you -

(if you've enjoyed this post and can relate, please leave a comment and share how you're understanding this concept. I will certainly expand on it because I didn't even get to words as forms ;)

Day 385 - Weak or Strong: Stopping Polarized Reactions

wikipedia

Writing out current relationship:

• To be seen as weak is like admitting failure. The most significant source of emotion comes from looking at myself through how others will see/judge me. Of course, this is not real, because it’s an internal, mental process of my own.
• Behind this is a fear that my projected, possible self-judgments will manifest in my world through other’s expressions. To protect myself from this fear, I utilize denial, blame, diverting attention, and physically avoiding the situation.
• I want to be in a position of strength. Why? This is safe from the fear of others negatively judging me as weak. This is also a power, an ability to accomplish my goals.
• Any signs of weakness reveal that I am not strong. Weakness becomes a hot button, setting myself into reaction.

Observation of above points:

            This is an EGO point. My ego is put into motion within fear energy and competition, being better than others. There is a desire to be more than others, and the fear of being less than others is even stronger. Why? The self-defining nature of weakness is perceived to penetrate through time, affecting who I believe myself to be, which means it will affect how I act “for the rest of my life,” which is in conflict with my vision for myself, my Religion of Self.

Goal:

            Letting go of this reactive programming that’s been limiting my expansion of myself from weak to strong in a specific dimension of self. To stop hiding my weaknesses from myself in various ways (i.e. blame, excuses, justifications, denial, distraction), so that I may accept myself as weak, and allow myself the opportunity to then strengthen myself within this dimension that I am self-honestly weak in.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being perceived as weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with defending myself as ego when another points out that I am weak in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny within myself when I see that I am weak in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be strong without considering the process of moving from weakness into strength.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize the moments where I become aware of a weakness when another points it out to me, to commence a self-honest investigation of this weakness and how I can turn it into a strength.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself through the perceptions of others of me, so that when another sees me as weak, I must defend myself and deny this perception to maintain my positive definition/perception of myself.

Corrective Application Statements:

When and as I am being referred to as being weak in some way or another, I stop I breathe. I realize there is a potential gift here, wherein I can realize an area of myself that I can improve. I commit myself to stop reacting to implied weakness within who I am or who I believe myself to be. Within this commitment, I also commit to apply self-forgiveness when I miss a breath and go into an unsupportive reaction when someone perceives weakness within me in one way or another.

When and as I see myself defending my self-concept / ego, I stop I breathe. I realize that by internalizing the perceived weakness in self through taking it personally, I am sabotaging an opportunity for self-growth. I commit myself to stop the systemized perceiving of weakness within self that calls for a defensive reaction.

I see, realize and understand that this defensive reaction is a function of mind, as well as: me. I commit myself to taking full responsibility for my reaction to defend my ego. Despite how it feels automated, I commit myself to fully let go of the relationship to my own mind where I am a victim of it. This is separation. The integrated honesty here is that I allow my mind’s reactions because there was a time in my past where I automated this specific reaction because it served my self-interest. I no longer need this program to protect the idea of myself because I now realize that who I really am is not the ego/self-image. I am life, manifested. I am my physical body.

And so, I commit myself to utilizing my physical body to serve as an indicator for when I am in reaction within my own perception of an attack on my self-image, as strength. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am ‘strength’ and that I must preserve this self-definition by denying and not accepting the notion that I am weak in one way or another.

When and as I see my body become elevated in discussion, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have initiated a mental program, I am reacting with a particular energy/emotion, and that I did not choose to behave this way in a single moment of self-awareness within and as the breath of myself as my body. I commit myself to, within a breath, assess who I have become, align the correction and live it as I exhale.

And this is how I transmute weakness into strength.

Day 383 - Directing Uncertainty

In my last post, I started investigating my relationship with Uncertainty. Now, it's time to write out the process of changing it, and we'll see if anything new opens up along the way.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize myself as my nature in moments of uncertainty, and so allow myself to freeze up, become indecisive, and not take responsibility for directing myself in the situation that gave rise to the uncertainty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear uncertainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself through desiring certainty, confidence, assuredness, safety, not realizing that within this desire, my starting point was a fear-based energy which is not who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am the fear-themed thought, not realizing the separation of self within and through the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into a future projection and become attached to a desirable outcome, such that when I cannot be certain that the projection will manifest, I create a fear reaction that the projection will not manifest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that living according to future projections is a breeding ground for fear. I commit myself to start shifting into moment to moment, commonsense consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the future projections, wherein the uncertainty of it ever actually happening is a threat to myself as an ego. If failure happens, then I am defined by that failure, and I forgive myself for allowing myself to invest myself into this belief system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself be failures and success, instead of realizing that who I am within failure and success, how I respond to failure and success, is who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create 'what if' thoughts to justify a limited existence of myself, such as justifying myself as fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "play it safe" when faced with uncertainty, by pursuing only what has a higher degree of certainty. I realize here how I've been taking more risks in other areas of my life to balance out this personality design. Example: Physical adventuring out into the unknown, balances psychological freezing up in the moment of making the first kiss happen. In this I am seeing that my fear of judgement from others weighs heavier in contributing to moments of uncertainty than does matters related to fearing for my physical well-being. This tells me that I still have a strong connection to the self-definition that I've built through the years in relation to other people in my world. This has to stop. I understand that my ego is not who I am, and yet I still fight to keep my ego alive...funny wording. As if the ego is actually alive!..hmmm. I haven't considered that I'm looking at my ego as a separate, living entity. It's an intricate system, yet it produces feelings and fears that feel real in the moments when they arise..

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that my ego is an intricate system that obeys rules that I have set, based on all my past experiences. I have been seeing myself as the ego as living and as superior to myself. I built it. I created it. I want it to last...I AM THE ONE that is making my ego seem alive. I'm giving my life over to it. Wow, it's like the most fascinatingly integrated program ever, but I see it now. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see how I am substantiating my ego with myself through all my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop the mind and direct my life from within my breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a belief that it is difficult or "impossible" to stop the mind, my trusted program that protects me from exposing myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist exposing myself to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect and defend the idea of myself, where if there was a potential for others to see me negatively, I would resist interacting with them to keep my ego/self-image safe from discord. In this play out, I realize that the whole while I have been creating the discord I was trying to avoid, and 'what you resist, persists', so on goes my relationship with the programmed consciousness.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to bring myself into the awareness of what I've been doing to myself to the degree necessary to realize I must stop and change myself in relation to my participation within the mind, fear of judgement.

So the main point that presented itself today was that my specific system within uncertainty is related to fearing judgment of others onto self that would contradict my idealized self-image that exists in my head only, and has been created through future projections and past experiences of ego-validating moments with others. I realize that I this fear of judgement is substantiated in part by my own self-judgements, judgments toward others, and desires to be more than I am. To come: working on expanding my understanding of how and why I created these desire to be more than I am, to be better than others...yes. That's one of my original points walking into Desteni. I was a spiritual researcher, wanting to become enlightened and better than others to teach them all what's up. My ego drive went unfettered by me. This ends here.

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