To be a man. To be seen as a man. To hold my body as a man. To sound like a man!
This is but one way I've oriented myself, through the backchat comparison of Self to Man.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as 'less than' those who hold themselves in this confident, present voice - one that I have not seen in me for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and my vocal expression to others firstly, trying to shape my expression in a safe and specific way, so as to hide myself, for I do not want to be judged for my authentic, self expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer the 'safety' of projecting characters of me out in the world, instead of allowing myself, within/through Self-Acceptance, just be, and express me naturally, simply.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself within and through AMBITION, not seeing realizing or understanding the significance of my starting point being rooted in fear, inferiority.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see myself as ACCEPTED, by all and by me -- and to ride the wave of awareness and focus as I drive me into perfect, verbal expression.
When and as I see myself getting in a head spin about not wanting to talk or speak up, because I "can't find my words" - I see and understand that there is resistance to self-honesty for one fear/reason or another.
I commit myself to slow down and get self-honest.
I commit myself to show myself that I do want to go there.
I commit myself to show COURAGE in my stand.
When and as I see myself perceiving myself as in-fear-ior to another person, I stop, I breathe. I realize my equality as 1, just as they are 1, too. I commit myself to speak with confidence, knowing what I want to say before & as I start flapping vocal chords..
I commit myself to seeing me as 1, and equal.
I commit myself to voicing myself with integrity, utilizing my body to place specific ripples into motion, bring life to words and words to life.
I commit myself to trust myself through this process.
I commit myself to stop hesitating when the Self-judger backchat starts to speak up - and to rather move into my body, find the words, and engage in co-created presence.
And a sneak peak for next time:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am inherently inferior to others to speak sense effortlessly, and seem to already have social approval/recognition - something I can only ever hope for because I perceive others to have the power of assigning acceptance to me...
Check out process, lots happening!
Option A) Let shame compound and drive me further into the ground.
Option B) Just start writing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a million and one expectations for myself as a writer, and shut myself down before I begin.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disconnect writing as a solution, even though I have seen how effective this practice is in creating stability in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself feel unworthy of your attention, unless I perform to a high-standard and expectation that I create for myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create high expectations for myself out of fear that I will be judged as insignificant otherwise.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand, IT IS ONLY ME that has me caught up in a loop of self-critical stagnation.
I commit myself to stop postponing the inevitable, and start taking responsibility for what I am creating of myself in my life.
I commit myself to stop blaming external factors for why I write, support myself, or not.
I commit myself to reinstate writing as a immediate, accessible process at my disposal each and every day.
I commit myself to NOT turn writing into a big thing, and then give up when I see that my expectations of myself and reality don't line up.
I commit myself to make myself a writer by taking small steps to write daily, here on Blogger, soon on Steem, and/or in my private journal(s).
I commit myself to attaining success, in process and in life, one small, action at a time.
I'm going to explore an interesting character dimension in upcoming posts: of not feeling worthy of being seen or heard in the world, and so silencing myself and not participating, when in reality, I could surely have participated and contributed in a significant and meaningful way. #WorthinessWeek