I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define work/homework/writing as a negative and tedious experience that is to be avoided or spent as little time with as I possibly can.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach a negative experience to the word 'tedious,' and within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself the patience to do what needs to be done according to what's best for myself and others, equally. This means 'pleasure seeking' as self-serving only, has no place other than as a life-distraction for me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into seeking pleasure as a habit that is used when avoiding a negative experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that through pleasure seeking, I am existing as a starting point of pain, so in relationship to procrastination, I hide the experience of pain associated with my work as I move toward the positive experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only ever wait until the last minute to do work, and in this not seeing that I've short changed myself out of an honest expression of myself within my work. Within the negative association that placed onto work, I suffered unnecessarily through the delay of that pain, trying to make it go away without having to honestly do the work. This is the way of the cheater that takes shortcuts and lies about it to hide the layers of experience created without understanding how or why experiences feel a certain way. I understand that it's all creations of my past, just gotta find where...
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to acquire the perception that work is a negative experience from parents/others, and for accepting that perception as valid, and for projecting that experience onto any and all work that wasn't immediately aligned with my self-interests.
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to rush through my process and delay facing the resistances, and temporarily hiding them from myself within a positive illusion. I commit myself to patiently walking through and writing down any resistance that gets in my way. I own it, I allow it, I stop it. Simple, the design is simple, yet from the perspective of limitation, the task seems daunting. tedious, hard, impossible, not worth the effort...ya, a limited perspective indeed, clouded by numerous thoughts/feelings/emotions.
When and as I see myself moving from self-direction into delay as the seeking of positive experience, I stop I breathe. I realize that within this act of procrastination, I've wrongly accused work as such a negative experience (within assumption or future projection) that my mind actively seeks positive experience distractions that do not benefit me within my process of self-realizing all as one. I commit myself to continue facing resistance. I commit myself to stop simply allowing resistance as mind to direct my actions from day to day. I commit myself to digging deeper into resistance, like fear of failure, wasting time, etc. and to patiently persist in facing them and letting them go. I am here. I direct me. Stopping the bullshit takes more courage than I initially estimated, so this is a process of unraveling layers and building momentum within the courage to persist as self-honest.
The mind is to predictable to be fun, "been there done that" sort of thing...until you're jaded.
Join me in the pursuit of doing what's best for ALL always. You owe it to yourself ;)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to acquire the perception that work is a negative experience from parents/others, and for accepting that perception as valid, and for projecting that experience onto any and all work that wasn't immediately aligned with my self-interests.
--
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to rush through my process and delay facing the resistances, and temporarily hiding them from myself within a positive illusion. I commit myself to patiently walking through and writing down any resistance that gets in my way. I own it, I allow it, I stop it. Simple, the design is simple, yet from the perspective of limitation, the task seems daunting. tedious, hard, impossible, not worth the effort...ya, a limited perspective indeed, clouded by numerous thoughts/feelings/emotions.
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| Nice artwork by Kelly Posey |
When and as I see myself moving from self-direction into delay as the seeking of positive experience, I stop I breathe. I realize that within this act of procrastination, I've wrongly accused work as such a negative experience (within assumption or future projection) that my mind actively seeks positive experience distractions that do not benefit me within my process of self-realizing all as one. I commit myself to continue facing resistance. I commit myself to stop simply allowing resistance as mind to direct my actions from day to day. I commit myself to digging deeper into resistance, like fear of failure, wasting time, etc. and to patiently persist in facing them and letting them go. I am here. I direct me. Stopping the bullshit takes more courage than I initially estimated, so this is a process of unraveling layers and building momentum within the courage to persist as self-honest.
The mind is to predictable to be fun, "been there done that" sort of thing...until you're jaded.
Join me in the pursuit of doing what's best for ALL always. You owe it to yourself ;)
How far are you in your pursuit of doing what's best for ALL always?
ReplyDeleteSenorMurked: We're all equally far and equally near. No one is free until all are free.
DeleteI'm becoming more effective in applying myself through writing everyday. The self-forgiveness is really opening up points of self-realization. I suggest giving it a try.
DeleteI agree, practicing modes of expression is useful for your meanings and mind. That's good for you. However, if you would please answer the question, Dan, that would really help me understand.
ReplyDeleteAnna Brix: While this may require a frame of reference, isn't no one free when everyone is? Also, just to clarify, what do you mean by free?
Thanks guys for the responses. Have a happy Halloween!
I can't tell you. I don't know, and it's not relevant. Self-honesty is the measure, and I can't yet see every layer of self-dishonesty within me.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, why do you ask this question?
Honestly, I asked the question because I'm not sure how self-honesty is relevant to what is best for ALL (though I admit I'm defining"self-honesty"in layman's terms, which you may not be doing). Though introspective honesty seems (to me) to be a valuable goal for accurately expressing yourself to others, among other things, I don't see how it is a measure for doing what's best for ALL. I'm not sure what is, but it never hurts to ask/be asked unless one thinks it does (and why one would think so, that one doesn't know :o)
ReplyDeleteThe link that you are missing is that once we understand that "best for all" is better than what's best for "me," it will take a thorough self-investigation within self-honesty to realign one's perspective.
DeleteHow far along I am in that process = how many breaths I am aware of each day / total. From the awareness of the physical as my breath, the consideration of all is more available, not being wrapped up in my ego. It's a long process. A worthy undertaking.