Day 31 - Breathing Count Allowance

     While I was having a massage today, I was making great effort to stay with the breath count: In 1-2-3-4, hold 1-2-3-4, out 1-2-3-4, hold 1-2-3-4, repeat. I like this square breath because it keeps me out of my head. The benefit = I was much more receptive to the masseuse. I could feel my muscles relaxing, as opposed to tightening up when I had a thought and she would "fall off" the muscle. I could tell, for myself, keeping my mind synced with my physical breath was keeping my in my body.

     She worked on my neck and pectorals, opening up my chest. She also made notice of my breathing, and told me to "take a deep breath into my upper chest." I could feel stretching that was new to me. I had a closed cage for a long time. "It's like muscle memory," she said to me next; which I interpreted as getting used to using different muscles to expand my lungs. And so, my breath expanded in ability to take in more air.

     During the massage, I realized that keeping to my breath and trusting my physical body is the way to go. I thought, why can't I breathe with the square count all day every day, what's stopping me, then I returned to breathing. And now, I'm opening this up to see where it leads. Hope you enjoy reading my experience !

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to freeze up and breath in only using some of my lung muscles. I commit myself to maintaining postural awareness through my conscious breathing.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just breathe; and within that, to trust my breath, as my body, as me, as who I am.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have been breathing with just a fraction of my lung capacity and I forgive myself that I have not given myself to chance to really breathe with absolute awareness in any and every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place trust in my mind to find the solutions to problems that my mind create.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my self to believe that it is too hard to remain here in my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create reasons why I should not stay here in my breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my breath, and to fear letting go of my reactionary thoughts.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to go into a reaction, losing sight of my breath.

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I commit myself to using this square breathing pattern as an indicator as to when I am here in my body, or there in my mind.

I commit myself to returning to my breath as much as I will allow, in ever increasing increments until I am always here within and as my breath.

I commit myself to allowing myself to just breath, taking in everything for consideration, and trusting myself to do what's best for all (be it my body or my cat or the wasp stuck in the pool)

I commit myself to developing this trust within and as my breath as life, here.

I commit myself to life, here in my breath.

(In) 1,2,3,4 (Hold) 1,2,3,4 (Out) 1,2,3,4 (Hold) 1,2,3,4...thanks for the breath count Desteni, and thanks for the photo Jo