Day 27 - Expanding on behavior expections

    The other night, my mom and I got into a fight. The point that I saw within me is surfacing more and more: I lay out an expected scenario of someone's behavior based on a past interaction that caused an emotional reaction in me. I never had forgiven myself for my my past reactions before, so when they come up in the present, it's not immediately apparent what the source of my emotion is. To slow down and see where this comes from and forgive the original point of origin is mission I am undertaking to defuse this nonsense.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize in  the moment that I am speaking from a starting point of my past, and I forgive myself for not slowing down to see where this feling comes from.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience an emotion that bubbles up from my past without realizing where it comes from, and I forgive myself for acting through/with this feeling as if it is a form of effective communication for behavior change...chaa right!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate reality by calling forth my skewed perception of past events and impose that perspective on others in hopes to change/avoid that behavior pattern I see in them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am judging people through this brand of imposing expectation, and that I haven't allowed myself to see that it is myself I am judging for it is myself that I am truly angry with.

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I commit myself to exposing myself to myself within self-honesty in every moment that act in this way, and if I do not immediately realize it, I will still address it, rather than supress it.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding that I am to blame for the experience that I produce inside of me regardless of who or what it is in relation to.

I commit myself to walking through each point as it comes up, using self-forgiveness on the point of which the emotion originates from (that is the initial mental picture that pops up right before I open my mouth with an emotion loaded and running), until I stand clear and stable.

I commit myself to slowing down when I am moving to fast to see clearly where it is I'm coming from.

I commit myself to sharing this experience of transcendence on a particular point with the person or people I had that interaction with...and those who care to read this ;)