(If you insist on listening to the song while you read my blog, GO RIGHT AHEAD AND DO SO!)
I'm going to do a special post today for Valentines Day! Yippy!! To open up a point as big as love required some research on my part, so I'll sum up the key points to the best of my ability today (to get you hooked) and then in the several following posts, I'll expand on what I currently see in this construct.
Briefly, In my own experience, "love" was not a quantifiable concept. I experienced it as unstable and fleeting at best. Perhaps some might say I never knew "true love." My parents loved me, in the obvious subtle kind of way. They weren't keen on overtly expressing their love, except occasionally. It is my theory that my mom learned from her mom that love is care is worry is prevention is making sure I eat my vegetables and stay safe from harm. You know? Kind of doing all she can to ensure I have the best chance to be successful in my life.
This form of love didn't translate so well into the early dating phases of my life. I felt near clueless about what love entailed, and how to approach girls with a display of my potential to give them love. Through time, I acquired more of an understanding of what girls expected, and I become fairly good at giving them what they wanted. It was damn near mathematical.
But math isn't love!? Isn't it? I don't want to ruin your Valentine's Day or anything, but can you honestly say that you have investigated what love is or what you expect from someone who loves you? Could you define it on paper? I know that I haven't even tried doing that before, and today marks the first day of my true investigation of how I have lived 'love' in my life. Through this specific self-introspection, I will be able to see where I am at in relation to love (what it means, what I expect, what I project, etc.) and then be able to redefine love within a starting point perspective of oneness and equality in the physical.
This post is just to wet your whistle and get you thinking about how you have been living the word Love in your life. Upcoming, I will expand on my research and relate everything to my own experience in life thus far; and from there, define and align the solution as a physically expressed, stable form of Love in the context of Self and All, Equal and One.
My last post was a week ago. While posting blogs at this frequency is not yet as consistent as I would like to see from myself, I realize that I am well on my way to getting there. My consistency in other areas has significantly improved, and I'll tell you why: I got back into a groove of writing!
I have a document on my computer that I frequent called Freewrite 2014, and I date and title every entry. It's basically my "digital journal" that I use when handwriting is inconvenient, but I'm not saying that I've ditched handwriting altogether. It's just transformed into more like quick scribbles when I'm waking up and going to bed, which I have found to be very assisting for keeping continuity and staying oriented to my responsibilities. Also, Post-It notes = Awesome, when used effectively, which varies by personal preference. Currently, I have a vision wall that organizes tasks in the different areas of my daily life, but I am still in the process of perfecting this tool. Another digital tool that I've been really enjoying is called WorkFlowy which is a really simplistic (and free) program that isn't much different than an bullet outline, but I must say, once I had started really using it, I've become more and more organized in my thoughts, and so my life.
Overall, I've started developing which appears to be an excellent habit when I compare it to that day to day slump that I have experienced in the past. The shift from not being the directive principle of my life, to moving myself to get more accomplished everyday is really not as hard as it seemed it would be when I was still in that slump. The resistance from that perspective was more intense. The most significant part of this shift is in looking back, I think "What was I doing?! Why couldn't I see how easy it really is to change?" This "shift" that I am speaking of is not finished. I will again experience resistance in many other areas as well as in the same areas I've already once or twice transcended it. That's why this realization is significant. I know, for myself, through experience, that stopping a state of poor mental health and bringing awareness to what really matters (everything associated with physical reality) is really not that "impossible."
The solution is in fact: writing. Find as many creative ways to write. Get the thoughts out onto paper! Or your computer screen! Transferring mind to physical reality is the most empowering self movement.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full advantage of the tools at my disposal to become the best I can be within my physical application, to ultimately become a significant resource for Life's journey out of our consciousness enslavement that traps each of us in patterns of abuse in one way or another. I realize that from within a state of poor mental health, it's not so easy to see the solution and mobilize self to embody that solution. I commit myself to remain steadfast in my expression to stop my own "slumps" of not directing my life, so that through my process, and all that I become through it, I can be the most effective support for empowering and inspiring what is best for all within everyone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that my process of overcoming resistance is complete. I see, realize, and understand that this specific realization that is and has come through writing, has just begun. Yeah, sure I'm on Day 374, but that just goes to show that writing is pivotal to self-change every step of the way. I commit myself to bringing the realization of the importance of writing, here, to understand and transcend whatever resistances I am faced with in my journey to a resistance free life, where my living application is always in the interest of what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people must realize this point, now! I realize that it's a process, and that each person will have a different pace in the journey through their mind and into their physical equality and oneness. I commit myself to being as supportive as possible to everyone who is interested in becoming the best, as individuals and as an essential part of the whole.
Bonus Links! :
Obviously, Desteni I Process Lite, an excellent writing training grounds
Perspective on the Resistance to Responsibilities by Paul Quessy
And a bit of writing wisdom from the Desteni FAQ on Purification Support
photo credit: wikipedia
So there is this point that's been opening up for me in my past few blogs (Day 372, 371 & 370), and it just keeps getting better. It is becoming increasingly apparent how exactly I'm automating my behavior, how I subscribe to a particular repetitive choice. A new dimension opened up for me just a moment ago: This feeling of need to finish what I've started.
I typically shame myself for not finishing what I start, and I've for a long time reconciled this personality flaw by calling myself "overly ambitious," which is really just a fancy way of saying 'lazy'. The more I dig at this point, the closer I get to locking in that unifying solution, that complete picture. But even here, I see myself standing in separation of the solution, placing myself structurally 'in need' of a grand solution, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding my self-responsibility to enact the commonsense best for all solution in moment by moment living.
Moment to moment: herein lies a great key to success. Why do I get caught up still in projecting an idea of success and then become anxious about how to get there? Why do I focus so much attention on fear of failure? Am I really so caught up in defining myself by external event/judgments? Is it not obvious that moment to moment, consistent application is all that is required?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not reach the goals that I see myself achieving, because in this, I am placing myself in separation of that achievement and thus am in relationship to it. This relationship is oriented through desire and/or fear, 'what ifs' and whatever energies that I am most comfortable participating with in my mind to keep me from stabilizing myself here.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that the here moment is the only moment where I may live as I want to live. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diffuse my ambition through a cycle of mental participation, instead of realizing my responsibility to create in the physical in the one, here moment.
Specifically, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, "I can't do this right," "I don't know what to do," "I don't know how to be successful."
Ahh, I'm caught up in the how...classic mistake. What is my why? Why do I want to be consistent and achieve success? Do I really even want to make a success of myself? YES, so why not make a movement right now to define my hows and get it done. Translate my ultimate why into smaller, more practically applicable steps, and make them my habit.
This is the power of habit creation! What is the 'why' behind my bad habits? Forgive them. Why do I want the good habits, and why aren't I acting now to achieve my goal? Find the resistance points. Forgive self for accepting and allowing these self-created limitations to put a damper on my deepest motive. Live the correction immediately.
I am an expression of physical material in every moment. The trail I leave is composed of my every physical action I make within Earth's Journey through space-time.
What do I stand for? What is my ultimate why? And why am I not living every moment consistently in alignment with this?
A taste of my investigation. Hope you've enjoyed.
flickr photo credit