Day 342 - Who am I in relation to Bernard Poolman?

I've now had a week to process the death of Bernard Poolman. The aspects of myself that this man had brought into view for me were tremendously supportive. He showed me how my anxiety can be stopped with a simple breath and 'yes or no' perspective. Simple. He called me out on my selfish, egocentric way of seeing myself in the context of all that is around me, explaining how all I've really been caring about is the 'me' in my head, placing all other beings as irrelevant (unless they could benefit me, obviously). He assisted me in understanding just how severely compromising this self-importance design I created for myself is. How I have actually separated me from the physical reality to such a degree that I inflate the view of myself, feel powerful, and thus trap myself within my own illusion, while in reality I am damn near powerless.

He spoke of potential. That was the perspective he spoke from. He would see the potential in everyone and he took responsibility to assist us in seeing how we're holding ourselves back within our skewed views. He didn't allow himself to be anything less than than Life, one and equal with all life, and so he wasn't about to allow the rest of us stand as anything less than the Life we all truly are. And he wasn't about to walk our Journey to Life either! "You created it," he would say.

He devoted his life to living the principle of what is best for all. He investigated what is here and found many systems that support inequality and the enslavement of the human. Very few actually understand that the physical reality is what matters. These people are the elite. The difference between the elitist perspective and Bernard's perspective is fear. Bernard recognized the fear reactions within him and questioned "why not best for all?" He was relentlessly compassionate, saw the problem, and stood as the solution. And perhaps the most significant part was that he understood what had to be done, and he did it.

The Desteni group is the result of his efforts to bring about a better world. The few that knew him understand the authenticity of Bernard without question. What he stood for came through in every word that he spoke. Sure he was a funny guy, but his humor was never dry, always specific in revealing the odd to atrocious nature of man's existence. Before I had met him in real life, I had listened to many of his talks on YouTube, and even though he sounded...unattractive, scary even, I was listening to what he was actually saying. Where he was coming from. His words came from a place I could not easily dismantle. I had to continue my investigation.

Now, I stand with clarity. I am here to carry on in the name of Life. Bernard shared how he realized himself as Life through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practically living the the solution within the principle of what is best for all. He created an organization of people who care. Small as we may be, I guarantee this is only the beginning. The fears and justifications do not stand a chance against the movement of life; but the test of time will prove that.

I commit myself to accept and allow nothing less than Life within myself, so that I may stand as a pillar of support for all to realize Equality and Oneness.

Here's my brick of SF from the day he died:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself in relation to Bernard. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a relationship of dependence with him, that I can't do it alone, despite the nature of the core message. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Bernard is superior to me as life embodiment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself believe I am less than life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my personal issues and time loop many times because I fear I cannot stand as the directive principle of my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my inability. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I cannot do it, that I can not do what he has done. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel a need to suppress points in relation to him that might make me cry if I look at them self-honestly. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I can stabilize myself in any and every moment with a single breath. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold to memories where he had supported me so well, and believe that I cannot stand and effectively support myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can honor him by playing Candy Crush, and not be self-honest about the point to see that I am avoiding facing the emotional reactions that I chose to not face immediately. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face my reactions immediately. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to quantify self-forgiveness and focus on my application, so that I may optimize and walk my process steadfast.

In the next post, I'll correct and expand on how I decide to live here onward. Thanks for investigating.

See also: The Measure of a Man & how other's expressed themselves in relation to Bernard here on this thread in the desteni forum.