Day 341 - Not allowing myself to walk the physical process

There is a major difference between walking in the park
 and imagining our ability to walk in the park.


In recent times, I've compromised myself by neglecting my daily writing here. There has been a lot going on here on the Desteni Farm, and I wouldn't expect that I would have been able to write a daily post; however, it's turned into an excuse. I found myself justifying my writing resistances through blame.

I'm looking at the resistance I experience when sitting to write: the experience seems to be overwhelming, but in retrospect, I can break down the process of blame and justifications that I use to substantiate the resistance energy. This energy has brought me to rest my head, in my bed, for just a moment...and then I wake up and it's some odd hour of the morning. I've placed myself in a victim relationship and what else have I become other than a victim of my own internal energies.

Enough is enough. I can no longer allow myself to sit and think about how I will be. I live here. The thoughts that come up in relation to my future, my doubts, myself and others are at least one mental step away from the HERE moment. I can't expect to live a life of worth when I'm not physically here to direct myself in a worthwhile way.

Here, I commit myself to walking the physical process of writing, self-forgiveness, and daily participation in all responsibilities, prioritizing and making optimal use of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat my responsibilities in way of delay or disregard, acting without priority structure, as I bounce from feeling to emotion within my energetic starting-point movements.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted or allowed myself to create and uphold a priority structure in my daily living. Herein, I commit myself to practicing different methods of prioritizing my day, either like a morning routine or a night time planning of the day to come, or any other various methods of physical structuring. This is my new little project. It is an important one, and I must get consistent with my writing again before I can effectively continue this process of understanding myself and then living a corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that I already know and have all the information to be able to control my future, instead of realizing that life is a movement here, where I must meticulously construct my living application as a principled living that I can stand by for all of eternity, and in this accumulate a self-trust as I live moment to moment. I realize this accumulation of self-trust does not happen as a process of mental gymnastics. It is a physical accumulation process, hence this blog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought of "I can't do this" to passively come up within me and cause an internal reaction or relationship activation of delay, wherein I sidestep responsibility in moments when I am not being pressured by others or how others might judge me (ego/self-judgement).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine my work ethic based on external factors which can vary. I forgive myself that I have relied on others and created myself to function effectively only when in a relationship of dependence. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up as an individual point of self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself waiting for any force to direct me to accomplish anything, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is not a function of standing alone, stable. This is not principled living, rather more like internal, feeling, justification, reaction-oriented living. I commit myself to exposing myself in every way that I find myself waiting or postponing anything, to then open it up and investigate for myself what I am waiting for, and accordingly apply self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to stabilize myself in relation to each point, so as to accumulate the physical-based practice of self-directed living.

Daniel: I stand and walk, OR I sit and slump. The decision that exists ALL the time. The point of seeing my mind and allowing it to dictate how I behave OR seeing myself self-honestly to realize that I need to bring myself back here to direct myself from a physical starting point; and because I want what is best, I align with what is best for all, as all are simple an extension of me, equal as life. What's best for just me is not sustainable. The illusion, no matter how hard I want/try to impose it onto the physical, there is never a specific, real result from my energetic efforts. It's time to get physical and deliberate.

When and as I see myself thinking that "I can't do this," I stop I breathe. I realize now that this lingering thought has some intense consequences. I also realize that to stop this thought, even though it seems like "I can't do it" I must literally stop the thought and change my mind, direct myself within a physical consideration. I commit myself to flag pointing this "I can't do it" in all it's forms and mutations by recognizing it as that last little piece of energy, like a subtle, yet large hurdle that functions to keep me within a resistance energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the resistance energy and victimize myself in relation to it to protect my ego, and for not realizing how this self-energy relationship perpetuates my enslavement.

When and as I see myself imagining myself at the end of the road, I stop I breathe. I realize that there is a physical process to walk, and I commit myself to walking it.

How?

By giving myself every breath to figure out the relevant points in my journey.
Planning.
Preparing.
Adapting.
Parkouring.
One practical step at a time.