Day 381 - Living Life: It's Not So Hard

This post is a general post about several specific instances where I found that applying myself wasn't nearly as bad as I was making it up to be in my mind.

• Public speaking
• Reading a book
• Writing a blog post
• Learning a 'difficult' subject
• Making a sandwich
• Waking up and getting out of bed
• and many other physical movements

In my past, I've avoiding this issue by going with the flow of it. If there was a discomfort in relation to doing or saying something, I wouldn't do it unless there was a really high reward, or a really negative consequence motivating me. Which brings into question: Was I every really making choices, or was I just being continuously swayed by my inner, reactive experiences to external stimuli?

As I've been walking this Journey to Life process, the aspect of my driving motivation has come into question often. I see that I'm moving from a self-interested, zombie-like human being, into a more considerate and responsible human being. Part of that process requires that I push myself to speak and act within an honor and integrity, even if I don't feel like it. So there is a battle between mind-consciousness generated feelings and emotions and other mind-consciousness generated feelings.

This is the nature of the inner struggle. It is the design of polarity that the mind uses to ensnare us in dilemmas that were not ever real to begin with. The solution is to create a structure for oneself. We are only ever a breath away from stabilizing in our physical body. The trick is to realize when we're in the throes of our mind reality, and this is accomplished largely by placing in a structure that serves as a self-supportive flag point to realize who self is in the bigger picture. As soon as the realization hits: STOP, BREATHE.

What I've noticed more vividly in recent times is that when we get to the point of applying ourselves within any physical movement, it's almost never as bad as we've worked it up to be in our heads. So, to begin phase one of implementing a preventative structure, I'm going to walk the self-forgiveness to disengage myself from the magnetic-like adherence of Self to/within/as Mind. Then the commitment statements serve to provide a new set of rules or structure for how I will direct myself when external stimulus comes in, essentially rewriting my inner script with awareness, moving from self-interested self-abuse into self-aware expression of what is best for all life.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my living expression through participating in the throes of consciousness when faced with a physical participation act that I have resistance toward. In this, I realize that the initial resistance is the first sign of participating in the energetic struggle of the mind. When and as I see myself desiring to do something else, something other than what I originally intended to do, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to consider the biggest picture, to sit and write everything out on paper if I must, and to push myself through any resistance-energy that comes up so that I may focus on my responsibilities with the highest priority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my thoughts that come up as excuses and justifications are valid. I see here that with my self-generated excuses comes a specific energy signature that resonants: "this is true; I am right." Within that, I realize that I am automatically believing the thoughts that come up in my mind because I believe myself to be those thoughts, and I don't want to contradict myself! I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to fight for my excuses to be right. Just because they came up first and automatically, doesn't mean that I must obey this initial thought. When and as I'm in resistance energy, and I see myself going into and with my first thought, I stop, I breathe. I remember that I am making a decision of who I am in a single moment. Do I really want to be with/as an excuse? Is that all I choose to express, my own limitations? I commit myself to breathe and sort out my decision process, in retrospect, when I see that I am not the directive principle of my life. I commit myself to applying the tool of asking myself: "Is this really what I want to being doing right now?" And answering this self-honestly.

When and as I see myself thrown into the inner consciousness struggle through a moment of fear, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not an expression of fear, unless I am within and as the mind consciousness system. I commit myself to breathe into my physical body and push through the fear, no matter how uncomfortable it is. I realize that this commitment will require time and constant application. I realize that I will not be perfect in the beginning, and thus I commit myself to allow myself to fall and fail; however, I also commit myself to investigate the timeline of external and internal events that produced that consequence, so that I may walk the self-forgiveness and align the correction within me, so that next time, I am prepared to direct myself despite the energetic draw into a mental self-sabotaging experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of inner conflict when faced with such a simple task as making a sandwich. I realize that the deeper issue within this is facing uncertainty. This relationship with uncertainty requires further investigation and structure. I commit myself to bringing this point through into writing in a future post. For now, I commit myself to recording the experience and flow of events when faced with uncertainty. I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize the mind entry point of uncertainty. More on this to come.

I see, realize, and understand that there are many versions of resistance energy. The nature, the experience, how they feel and the perception of the power they have over me - it is all what I make it to be, what I accept it to be, what I allow it to be. Within this, I realize that I must create a structure for each form of energy that scoops me up into a mind-based perception of reality. Every specific instance where I allow myself to become thought, feeling or emotion requires a specific structured flag point. At the end of this process I will only ever exist as a breath, as one and equal with all existence, as a participant who chooses to direct himself and his world within the common sense principle of what is best for all.

Until then, I commit myself to investigate everything and keep what is best.

photo source

Day 346 - Prioritizing Purpose

Continuing from Day 345 Aligning Purpose with Participation.

To sum it up in 3 words:  Best for All


In my own words, this means applying myself to do what is best in the context of everything, all points considered. This is seemingly a tough to ridiculous standard to hold oneself to. Now why is that? Ahhh, that is the question. To be or not to be, principled and living in equality?

I have experienced much difficulty in living the principle of what is Best for All consistently. Walking with Desteni for some time, I've reached a level of knowing that it's physical process to become a constant expression within what is best for all. A physical process takes time, but in the mind, I can think about myself rather quickly. This inflated view of oneself (ego) is just like anything else that becomes inflated: It pops. The illusionary bubble pops when the physical reveals what is reality.

So this idea that living a life in alignment with what is best for all is something difficult or impossible, is the result of investing in the idea of oneself in and as the mind. We as minds don't want to see oneness and equality for many reasons. Check for yourself. (Prompt: Why don't I want to see oneness and equality?)

When and as I see myself out of alignment with what is best for all, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am the director of myself, and that even the energies, feelings and emotions that I give in to is an acceptance and allowance of self as less than these energies. I commit myself to realizing the physical reward while letting go of the energy addiction that leads to procrastination.

This is where prioritization comes in. I had previously mentioned the importance of mapping out purpose in the physical, but what's more is that the priority system that must be used to discern what would bring the most benefit all to all must be based on the physical. When looking at priorities, there are many dimensions that once can take into consideration, and this is why 'Best for All' is so nice to work with. We check the alignment of purpose in a comprehensive and physical context, rather than the all too common, blind following of our own mind-energy movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my directive power to my mind by doing what I feel I want to do, instead of considering reality first, as my starting point for self-movement. When and as I see that I am feeling powerless to the desire to procrastinate, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am a physical being, living by the laws of energies that I have programmed throughout my life, and I commit myself to breathing and dissipating that energy, and walking the physcial process of bringing my self-directive will into full application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I must slow down and break down the physical process of moving myself in a context that MATTERs. When and as I see myself becoming overwhelmed and unable to continue working toward my physically based, higher purpose, I stop I breathe. I realize here that I can redefine my problem, my context, and whatever I am facing in a moment by stopping the energy participation and having a real look myself in a physical reality context. Within this, I commit myself to mapping out my priorities to make sure that I am effective (first thing's first) and not compromising myself by just feeling my energy experience, and not having a comprehensive consideration of all relevant points.

Within all of this. I realize I am taking on a good chunk of my personality makeup. I commit myself to walk slowly and thoroughly through all of this, to not get ahead of myself and go into an energy reaction of disappointment/discouragement/self-defeat (another system that does not serve what's best for me or all. Mark for deletion.)

I commit myself to seeing my physical purpose, and prioritizing accordingly. The point of resisting the actual doing/work of each prioritized point is another system, of which I now commit myself to clearing, purifying. My mind no longer is allowed to direct me when I'm working on my physical reality purpose points. See ya!

Thanks.

DesteniArtists

Day 341 - Not allowing myself to walk the physical process

There is a major difference between walking in the park
 and imagining our ability to walk in the park.

In recent times, I've compromised myself by neglecting my daily writing here. There has been a lot going on here on the Desteni Farm, and I wouldn't expect that I would have been able to write a daily post; however, it's turned into an excuse. I found myself justifying my writing resistances through blame.

I'm looking at the resistance I experience when sitting to write: the experience seems to be overwhelming, but in retrospect, I can break down the process of blame and justifications that I use to substantiate the resistance energy. This energy has brought me to rest my head, in my bed, for just a moment...and then I wake up and it's some odd hour of the morning. I've placed myself in a victim relationship and what else have I become other than a victim of my own internal energies.

Enough is enough. I can no longer allow myself to sit and think about how I will be. I live here. The thoughts that come up in relation to my future, my doubts, myself and others are at least one mental step away from the HERE moment. I can't expect to live a life of worth when I'm not physically here to direct myself in a worthwhile way.

Here, I commit myself to walking the physical process of writing, self-forgiveness, and daily participation in all responsibilities, prioritizing and making optimal use of my time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat my responsibilities in way of delay or disregard, acting without priority structure, as I bounce from feeling to emotion within my energetic starting-point movements.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted or allowed myself to create and uphold a priority structure in my daily living. Herein, I commit myself to practicing different methods of prioritizing my day, either like a morning routine or a night time planning of the day to come, or any other various methods of physical structuring. This is my new little project. It is an important one, and I must get consistent with my writing again before I can effectively continue this process of understanding myself and then living a corrective application.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine that I already know and have all the information to be able to control my future, instead of realizing that life is a movement here, where I must meticulously construct my living application as a principled living that I can stand by for all of eternity, and in this accumulate a self-trust as I live moment to moment. I realize this accumulation of self-trust does not happen as a process of mental gymnastics. It is a physical accumulation process, hence this blog.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought of "I can't do this" to passively come up within me and cause an internal reaction or relationship activation of delay, wherein I sidestep responsibility in moments when I am not being pressured by others or how others might judge me (ego/self-judgement).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine my work ethic based on external factors which can vary. I forgive myself that I have relied on others and created myself to function effectively only when in a relationship of dependence. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand up as an individual point of self-responsibility.

When and as I see myself waiting for any force to direct me to accomplish anything, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is not a function of standing alone, stable. This is not principled living, rather more like internal, feeling, justification, reaction-oriented living. I commit myself to exposing myself in every way that I find myself waiting or postponing anything, to then open it up and investigate for myself what I am waiting for, and accordingly apply self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to stabilize myself in relation to each point, so as to accumulate the physical-based practice of self-directed living.

Daniel: I stand and walk, OR I sit and slump. The decision that exists ALL the time. The point of seeing my mind and allowing it to dictate how I behave OR seeing myself self-honestly to realize that I need to bring myself back here to direct myself from a physical starting point; and because I want what is best, I align with what is best for all, as all are simple an extension of me, equal as life. What's best for just me is not sustainable. The illusion, no matter how hard I want/try to impose it onto the physical, there is never a specific, real result from my energetic efforts. It's time to get physical and deliberate.

When and as I see myself thinking that "I can't do this," I stop I breathe. I realize now that this lingering thought has some intense consequences. I also realize that to stop this thought, even though it seems like "I can't do it" I must literally stop the thought and change my mind, direct myself within a physical consideration. I commit myself to flag pointing this "I can't do it" in all it's forms and mutations by recognizing it as that last little piece of energy, like a subtle, yet large hurdle that functions to keep me within a resistance energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the resistance energy and victimize myself in relation to it to protect my ego, and for not realizing how this self-energy relationship perpetuates my enslavement.

When and as I see myself imagining myself at the end of the road, I stop I breathe. I realize that there is a physical process to walk, and I commit myself to walking it.

How?

By giving myself every breath to figure out the relevant points in my journey.
Planning.
Preparing.
Adapting.
Parkouring.
One practical step at a time.

Day 313 - Taking Breath for Granted (SF)

Continued from:
Day 312 - Taking Breaths for Granted

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take my breath for granted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it's too difficult to be aware of who I am / how I behave within each breath in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize my thoughts, feelings, and emotions before my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately distract myself with activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the self-dishonest nature of deliberately distracting myself, not facing the reality of myself that is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to casually forget my breath, and not take responsibility for  each moment that I digress from the herenessness, into the mental folds, separating myself from the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the perception that my mind's thoughts, feelings and projections are of greater value, thus justifying my separation from reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the value I've defined as my mental processes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what I think will happen if I just breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about what may happen if I just breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself from a starting point of just breathing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build a false perception of trust in my mental processes, when they are unreliable/unstable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give my breath a chance as my expressive starting point.

Living corrective application statements to follow..

pic credit

Day 296 - SHADOWGUNing my life away

Popular Android game - here

Ok, finally. Time to face this bullony. I am addicted to an addictive video game. I have wanted to write about it before but the thought of actually changing and letting this particular addiction go is rather frightening. Very similar to weed actually, so I know I can do it. I realize this is not just about the game. This is about who I am in relation to it. That is what needs to be examined and purified.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay responsibilities and hide that decision by immersing myself within this virtual world of killing virtual people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent to which I am driven to play this game because of my ego desire to win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize the feeling of winning before facing reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be emotionally moved by the excitement and opportunity of winning, as well as the frustration of losing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed, frustrated and driven to win whenever I lose a battle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to willingly immerse myself in a video game to not have to face/realize the importance of time and opportunity in the context of reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face this point because of shame/humility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like I can't do it, because I don't want to give up something that feels so good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I can still indulge responsibly by considering my responsibilities in the context of my day/week.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself with whatever means necessary as not to have to face myself in this moment here.
--
When and as I see myself entering a distraction, I stop I breathe. I realize that if I continue along this path, I have made a choice of self-deception and thus prioritized and justified self-dishonesty. I commit myself to identifying and investigating these moments of distracting myself to determine where my value system is not in alignment with what is BEST for me and all.

When and as I see myself emotionally invested in the outcome of a video game, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am responsible for what I accept and allow. I commit myself to setting agreements with myself when I am participating in an indulgence so that I remain the authority of myself and not simply let my emotions determine the length of time that I indulge.

When and as I see myself possessed with an energy to win, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is who I am, and I commit myself to not suppressing who I am so that I may face myself in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself suppressing points because I am ashamed, I stop I breathe. I realize there are several dynamics at play here: I don't want people to see who I am ESPECIALLY if I fail in producing actual self-change. In a way this is a helpful reference point to keep me honest within my writing, but if I allow the fear to discourage me from walking the corrective actions, I go nowhere and potentially project blame. I commit myself to run at my problems, accentuate the shame, until even I cannot bear it, what ever it takes to realize that I am the creator and the created of who I think I am in the experience of myself.

When and as I see myself playing SHADOWGUN, I stop and take a self-honest breath. Is this really what I want to be doing? What is my justification? Valid? - meaning is this something that I have agreed with myself is okay to do? Will I not regret this? I realize that more often than not, I play video games to procrastinate responsibilities and in so doing, I compromise a lot of time to be doing things I would actually much rather be doing. I commit myself to walking through every delay design that I still subscribe to, so that I may stabilize within self-agreements and enjoy life to the fullest expression, and within this, assist and support others to also enjoy life to the fullest expression.


If you're new to this blog, and the process of self-forgiveness and corrective application. I congratulate you to making it to the bottom, for one :)  Secondly, check out the DIP Lite course and see if it's something that interests you. It's life changing stuff when you begin giving to yourself as you have wanted to receive all along. Enjoy.

Day 136 - Self-Interested Assistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place others before me within my own self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am compromising myself when I place others before me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place a higher importance on specific other people where, in my self-interest, I cater to them so that I may preserve or create a positive self-image in the reflection of my self through their positive judgement.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to complete my work before I assist others with their work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undervalue myself through placing others before me, where I often do not consider my own work's importance when I jump to help others.

This pattern has played out for a long time. Throughout school, my concern for my self-image created by the perceptions of my peers has been placed as a priority regardless of whatever work I had myself. Often, I would handle this time dilemma by staying up late and sleeping less.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to disregard my responsibility to myself to care for my physical health as well as completing work effectively.

When and as I see myself jumping at the chance to help others with their problems, I stop I breathe. I realize that I always have work to do, and by placing priority within my social interactions, I have been disregarding my responsibility to myself. I commit myself to budgeting my time within self-honesty as not to compromise myself for the positive judgement of others onto me.

I commit myself to showing others that I am responsible within this world as a whole through prioritizing self-responsibilities, and not compromising myself for creating a positive reflection of myself in the eyes of others for the purpose of feeling good that others like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others do not like me, and so jump on any opportunity I have to mold a positive self-perception by helping others.

I commit myself to helping others when it is appropriate and I have first helped myself.