Day 438 - Voicing Me



Speaking in an intricate act. Formulation of words to build concepts and understanding is a miraculous feat. Sharing understanding with others is one of the most precious gifts of humanity. I write this blog to share some of the information processing that goes on behind the scenes of me. I have a duty to place myself in words. This is my chief aim. It would seem absurd to continue allowing inFEARiority, in all it's forms, to suppress one of the greatest gifts I can give to all.

I commit myself to stand up within myself to share my understandings to the best of my ability in every interaction, while remaining a humble learner, equal and one with everyone.

I commit myself to contributing my vantage point whenever it can effectively support what is best for all.

Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to debase myself with self-diminishing thoughts like "I'm not smart enough to speak in this group of people" or "I have nothing of worth to share" or "I don't want to be ridiculed for my choice of words," as who I am is expressed in my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself as my words, in fear that by expressing myself, I open myself up to attack.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that no matter what anyone says about me or my words, I am not harmed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being publicly ostracized, for this means my chances of survival are compromised - or that my chances of being liked by the girl are lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loss, when and as I express myself, and so have chosen to rather suppress myself, and through this create the exact loss (of opportunity, of potential) that I feared.

I commit myself to express myself despite fear, put myself out there, and risk it all.

I commit myself to embrace risk, cast off fear, as I stand and express myself within principle.

I commit myself to share myself with the world, and stop this self-diminishing mind program that I've built and participated in since early childhood. Till here, no further.

I commit myself to investigate and release myself from any related systems of self-doubt, when and as they arrive in my conscious mind.

I have one life to live, and time waits for no one. Let's get it done.

Day 437 - Who am I?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live out insecurity, instead of investigating myself with the tools to allow my Life essence to come through, moving into and within Real Self-Confidence.

This is self-forgiveness statement from my personal writings today really stood out for me. It kind of captures this aspect of growing up, becoming a man, and leading my life with a sense of authority within myself. Fearlessness in my decisions to speak or move myself. The insecurity programming that I've been allowing within me, has me often taking the back seat in my life. I've been letting my outside world determine where I go, what I say and do. It's like I'm living for forces outside of myself, not giving myself any respect or worth or say in how I want to live. How do I want to live? Safely? Free from negative judgments from others? I'm sick of not knowing myself? Who am I?

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe all I am is a shell of a man, a set of personalities that activate in relation to my environment to achieve self-interested ends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge who I am and believe that is who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build layers of self-protection upon layers of self-protection, within incredible fear, fear of being exposed, and to have lost touch with myself, not realizing that I am also the very fear that I've created as the layers of ego and characterized personality programs to hide myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT accept all of me that is here, within and without. I realize my equality of self inside and outside, and thus commit myself to acknowledging my inherent responsibility in creating my experience of and in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate WHO I AM from others, from politics, from all that is here manifested in this world - not realizing within this vantage point of separation, I am creating myself into the mind consciousness system, defining my individual ego standing in relation to everything else, limiting myself, my expression and my capacity to create significant change in the world.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to direct my insecurities and character flaws through a process of detailed self-investigation and self-forgiveness, so that I can own them, see me clearly, and create a correction plan.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my insecurities, suppress them, act like everything is cool, and think that I'm winning.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to embrace all of me, the good and the bad, and WORK to change myself and become better, to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear acknowledging my faults, and believe that they are real only through recognition, and so create an adverse relationship to self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear what I've become, not want to face it, and effectively bar myself from reaching my potential because I'm not even honest with myself about where I'm at.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be a day dreamer, judging myself by the potential I see I could become, and reject the reality of who I am today.

--

When and as I see that I am feeling low self-esteem, I stop, I breathe. I realize that all of me is here, and from within and as my breath, I can accept where I'm at, and work with releasing the layers of self-deception that I've constructed myself to believe I am. I commit myself to transmute any energy of feeling low or down about myself and where I'm at in life, into a resounding resolve to walk the Desteni process: identify my responsibility for what is here as me, forgive/let go, and move forward in creating myself with clear starting point and direction.

When and as I see myself believing this process is too hard, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I am who I am in what I create in EVERY moment of thought, word and deed. I commit myself to apply breath when the going gets tough, to assist and support with orienting myself to creating the best version of myself.

When and as I see myself trying to escape the reality of who I am by orienting to creating positive feelings, I stop, I breathe. I realize that temporarily suppressing my dark moments of the soul is an action of me robbing me from a great opportunity to understand and transcend a significant layer of my self programming. I commit myself to the full realization that suppression is NOT the best way forward, and to move into the honesty of what is here as me, no matter how ugly/miserable it may be, so that I may put a real stop to it and end the cycle of self-abuse, one system at a time.




Day 436 - Breath Prayer: Introduction & Report 1


What is a Breath Prayer?

It's a moment of focused awareness on breathing. Sitting or lying down comfortably, take a minimum of 5 minutes to focus on the body mechanics of breathing: in and out. When and as thoughts creep up, stop them, and return awareness to breathing in and out.

What is the purpose?

To get acquainted with the physical body. This task can prove to be difficult as we are constantly living in our minds, day in and day out. Giving this moment to ourselves helps strengthen our connection to our body, while also giving our body a moment's rest from the mind consciousness system.

Why is it significant?

This practice is helps strengthen our focus and self-directive willpower, in and as the physical. We are so often in our mind, choosing our actions from within a constant barrage of thoughts, that slowing ourselves down, into the pace of the physical, is a sincere challenge, especially at first. Beginning to realign our starting point of consideration into the physical, as our body, is a tremendous gift to self and all. It's a path toward living common sense, for real. Toward considering what is best for self, and all, and then acting on it. A stable body, aligned within physical reality, would not incite war through anger, as anger is a product of mind. Practicing breath prayer for a minimum of 5 minutes a day is an act of showing ourselves and that we do not have to continue accepting and allowing the mind to direct us. Our physical is more powerful in fact. Get to know the power of a single breath, and stop stressing out.

My experience after 3 weeks of practice:

In the beginning, I did find it very challenging to not entertain the thoughts that came up. I would experience some of the thoughts as more important/pressing, so I'd allow myself to get distracted by them. Several times I ended up doing 20+ minute sessions of this exercise because I'd get frustrated and feel like I had to start over (perfectionism).

I did this exercise an average of about 5 days a week thus far. My goal was 5-7 times a week. Remembering to actually do this exercise is a deliberate decision. The more I understand the significance and purpose (I'm sure I've only scratched the surface above) the easier it is to make the choice to slow down and make the time for this exercise. It seems that sparing 5 minutes should be easy, but I'm very used to rushing around in my day/life/mind. Breaking that momentum is as simple as a decision.

I've noticed that the effects of doing this permeate the rest of the day. The pace of my consciousness seems slower, and I think this supporting me to make better decisions all day long. I know that the more I play with this, the more gifts with be unveiled.

Since starting, I have found it becoming easier to focus on the in-breath and the out-breath. When the thoughts arise, I simply move back into directing my breath flow. I am my body. I've also noticed that I can make it harder or easier for myself BY CHOICE. If I'm not willing to commit to the 5 minutes (because I have so many other things going on to think about), then I can almost be sure that I won't make it.

This practice requires focus and dedication, and rewards us in kind. I encourage all to try this. Or if you have already, I dare you to do it for 21 days straight.

...I'll take that dare myself! Thank you very much. Report 2 due on November 26th.

Day 435 - A Fresh Start



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling to the past, find comfort and security in what is known, and so fear the creative self-movement in the here and now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT trust myself to direct my creative capacity within the sea of potential that exists in each moment here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT embrace the potentials in each moment, and so give in to fear and limitations of comfort.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to embrace each new day as a fresh start, a blank canvas for creation.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself see, realize and understand the potential to start fresh in each moment, in every breath - to within this access my highest living potential and direct myself specifically in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that this is too tall a task, and so give into the mind, allowing the my past programming to be the authority within my self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to the mind, and repeat patterns of self-abuse because I have been too afraid to embrace the creative potential of a fresh start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be good enough when and as I take creative authority as the directive principle of life.

--

When and as I see myself fearing the potential saturated moment here, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I can slow my mind down within the breath, and give myself more time to discover my optimal self-direction in any given moment. I commit myself to remain slow, giving, forgiving, and always willing to substantiate the best for all potential within a fresh start.

When and as I see myself in repeating patterns, substantiating the patterns of the past, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can broaden my perspective and consider more supportive ways. I commit myself to really giving my best effort to choose and direct myself to support what is best for all life here.

When and as I see my personal, inner-baggage interfering with my self-directive capacity to substantiate best for all movement, I stop, I breathe. I realize that even with walking my process at maximum resolve, in every breath, I still have a long way to go. I commit myself to constantly reassessing myself, my actions and my choices to cross reference them with the best for all simulations, so that I do not misstep for any extended periods of time.

When and as I see myself holding onto the past, I stop, I breathe. I realize the power and significance of orienting to 'here forward.' I commit myself to create me anew, until my living is purely aligned with the expression of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop fearing my potential. I commit myself to embrace my potential. I commit myself to stop sabotaging my process. I commit myself to clearing my head for a fresh start, when and as needed. I commit myself to walk what is here, and create a world that is best for all.

Day 434 - Take Care


The simple task of taking care of oneself is so often overlooked. It's like we're so busy in our lives and in our minds that we don't slow down enough to consider taking good care of our own body. The priorities get all shifted around. Sleep?..nah, rather hang out with friends or watch television. Exercise?...tomorrow. Proper diet and nutrient intake?...I don't even know where to begin.

Sleep, diet and exercise. The magical trinity of physical health and resilience. Let us all take a moment to reflect on our current relationship to these three human modalities...



Ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devalue sleep/rest because I've gotten away with minimal sleep in the past. Here, I see, realize and understand that I'm unnecessarily placing myself into a survival mode in dragging myself through long days when I do not sleep very much. I commit myself to creating a regular sleeping pattern for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to under prioritize getting all of my dietary needs because I've gotten away with eating poorly in the past. Here, I see, realize and understand that I'm setting my older self up for a rather unfavorable situation, while my daily self is subtly compromised as indicated by my energy levels, moods, ability to fight off germs, et cetera. I commit myself to learning what it takes to eat a balanced diet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only exercise irregularly because that seemed to always just work out fine. Here, I see, realize and understand that I was initially required to do sports by my parents, and that most of my physical activity has simply been a byproduct of how I like to have fun. I commit myself to establishing a regular exercise regimen for myself, all things considered.

Taking care of myself can be so much more enjoyable if I'm not just doing the bare minimum to survive. I challenge you to take on one or more of these areas of your life and make just a small change for the better. Care is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and each other. I commit myself to thoroughly redefining care in my daily self-support, and gradually expanding my living application of care interpersonally, and eventually, globally.



Day 433 - Communication: Opening up



I'm finding it difficult to open up and share myself more deeply, and I think that's because I've got a lot of nasty thoughts moving around in the deeper dimensions of my mind. "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all," I hear my mother demanding. To purify this: If I don't have something nice to say, go write it out and take the points back to myself within the process of initiating self-correction, so that I may embody the solution and live as the example of how I'd like to see everyone else living, regardless of if anyone else does or not!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear opening up and sharing myself because I want to hide the nasty thoughts I have about others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear opening up and sharing myself because this makes me vulnerable and weak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT open up because I fear being attacked, and not recognize the opportunity to embrace potential attack, as this could help me shed more layers of ego and specify my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ridiculed, rejected, disparaged because I want to be the very best, like no one ever was.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore vulnerability within communication, while actively realizing my ego's propensity to take the reactions of others personally, and expressing myself anyway.

I commit myself to push myself further exploring these two dimensions of communication withholding patterns that opened up here: hiding my secret mind nastiness & vulnerability/ego issues.

When and as I see that I am withholding my communication because what I have to say is not nice to say, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I do need this practical "guard" over my mouth so as not to offend others and make matters worse. I commit myself to investigate myself, in writing on my own time, regarding the specific point of nastiness that I wanted to speak, so that I may purify myself within the point and clarify my expression to support what is best for all...instead of just spewing my mind.

When and as I see myself stopping from speaking because I fear others with react with mild to severe disagreement, I stop, I breathe. I realize that fearing the responses from others because of my inclination to take it personally is drastically limiting myself and my potential contribution in expressing myself with others. So, I commit myself to push through these moments, and embrace the reactions of others, learn from them, embrace myself, and know that I will live to see another day and continue to specify my expression to be more agreeable.

I commit myself to releasing this layer of ego protection (from ridicule, rejection, disagreement) in part by embracing this journey to life, sourcing my strength from life and clarity rather than from relative ego standing; and in part by ending my participation in dishing out ridicule, rejection, and hasty, ill-considered disagreement.

I commit myself to opening myself up within communication by practicing with my partner, and by releasing my secret mind backchat in private writing, to purify the point I want to communicate about before vocally expressing it.

Opening up is cool. Let's all shed our layers and get real here!