Day 451 - What takes FORM?

I wore myself out running around the beach. I came home to eat and write before bed, but I was really tired after leftover pizza.

I set the alarm to sleep from 9:54pm to 10...snooze for 10, snooze for 10 more.

I move from the couch to my bed, thinking I can fool myself into one final, brief rest before writing, but no alarm this time. That was really a decision. I vaguely decided I'll make it up to myself by posting twice the next day, or whatever.

Why is this decision so shrouded and unclear? Let's unpack it!

This kind of non-decision, an abdication of responsibility. I was physically tired, but that wasn't even a consideration at the time because I was too focused on the negative self-critic, like "I'm a failure," and/or 'scheming' to try and justify going the 'easy way'.

While resting, in the background of my mind, I'm doing this whole process and giving myself 'the run around' internally, covering up the self-judgement and justifications, trying to make everything seem ok... until I pass out. It's like distracting myself from facing myself until I ab-use my body's need for sleep as 'an out' from having to face what's really going on in me, in stillness.

As a result of the internal mess, no post is made, no-thing takes form.

So, to the point, the big realization:

Clear Decision-Making

is a key to creation.

By asking ourselves the most relevant questions, we can take aim for creation with more specificity. Each question answered sheds light on how best to proceed, but without Self-Honesty, we'll just opt for delusion when faced with getting nitty-gritty of who I am, have become and choose to be.

I didn't make a self-honest decision to skip a day of blogging. I wasn't slowed down, in my body, and considering within awareness, a practical compromise or solution for my predicament. I was running around in my mind, justifying layers of excuses and reasons until I exhaust myself into a consciousless slumber.

A clear decision to rest the body can be a beautiful gift.

I commit myself to becoming more deliberate with my body, my movements, my decisions, my bedtime.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress the truth of my decisions and actions within a mental whirlwind of justification and self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mistreat my body by more considering my own ego's priority system, rather than that of my physical formation.

I commit myself to form deliberately, carefully.

I commit myself to exposing all half-measures and BS justifications within my operating system.

I commit myself to getting really clear, on what takes form in my life.

Day 435 - A Fresh Start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling to the past, find comfort and security in what is known, and so fear the creative self-movement in the here and now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT trust myself to direct my creative capacity within the sea of potential that exists in each moment here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT embrace the potentials in each moment, and so give in to fear and limitations of comfort.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to embrace each new day as a fresh start, a blank canvas for creation.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself see, realize and understand the potential to start fresh in each moment, in every breath - to within this access my highest living potential and direct myself specifically in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe and perceive that this is too tall a task, and so give into the mind, allowing the my past programming to be the authority within my self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to the mind, and repeat patterns of self-abuse because I have been too afraid to embrace the creative potential of a fresh start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be good enough when and as I take creative authority as the directive principle of life.

--

When and as I see myself fearing the potential saturated moment here, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I can slow my mind down within the breath, and give myself more time to discover my optimal self-direction in any given moment. I commit myself to remain slow, giving, forgiving, and always willing to substantiate the best for all potential within a fresh start.

When and as I see myself in repeating patterns, substantiating the patterns of the past, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can broaden my perspective and consider more supportive ways. I commit myself to really giving my best effort to choose and direct myself to support what is best for all life here.

When and as I see my personal, inner-baggage interfering with my self-directive capacity to substantiate best for all movement, I stop, I breathe. I realize that even with walking my process at maximum resolve, in every breath, I still have a long way to go. I commit myself to constantly reassessing myself, my actions and my choices to cross reference them with the best for all simulations, so that I do not misstep for any extended periods of time.

When and as I see myself holding onto the past, I stop, I breathe. I realize the power and significance of orienting to 'here forward.' I commit myself to create me anew, until my living is purely aligned with the expression of what is best for all.

I commit myself to stop fearing my potential. I commit myself to embrace my potential. I commit myself to stop sabotaging my process. I commit myself to clearing my head for a fresh start, when and as needed. I commit myself to walk what is here, and create a world that is best for all.

Day 431 - Unfinished Projects

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel burdened by the unfinished projects I have ongoing in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT finish projects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate until the project gets lost in time, as a way of avoiding my creative responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand all of the mind mechanisms going on under the surface when and as I am avoiding responsibility through procrastination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgment of my creation, and through that, choose not to complete a project.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be irresponsible because of an egocentric fear of judgment, imperfection, and failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always seek an easier route, and so create a negative relationship toward responsibility, hard work, and creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowed myself to live within my excuses for why I am not getting things done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself with media and friends, so I do not have to even face the reality of my creation of unfinished projects.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire for my unfinished work to just fade away, and feel a minor sense of relief when new work comes my way, so I can shift my focus away from the unfinished work, to temporarily avoid feeling the guilt that comes with being self-dishonest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty for not completing an assignment or project, and then try to hide that guilt, as if that was a legitimate solution to irresponsibility.

--

When and as I see myself feeling burdened by all of the unfinished work I have to do, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the only way through this pile of work, is to work it. Avoidance is NOT a real solution and only delays self-honesty for a moment. I commit myself to finish my work, one project at a time.

When and as I see myself fearing that I will be judged by my work, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I am going to be judged by my work, as I stand equal and one with what I create. With that said, I commit myself to live courage and strength to complete work that I can stand by for all time.

When and as I see myself dodging responsibility through my typical avoidance patterns, I stop, I breathe. I realize that going down this road is totally my self-saboteur programming, and thus is not what I want to be living. I commit myself to write down a plan of accomplishment for the day, instead of allowing my mind to direct my movement in these moments.

When and as I see myself seeking for the easiest way, I stop, I breathe. I realize that there is a fundamental difference between working smart and efficiently, verses trying to figure out the way in which I can apply the least amount of effort to complete a project. I commit myself to applying my smarts AND hard work, to excel, rather than settle for mediocrity.

When and as I see the opportunity to take on a worthwhile project, and I decide to do it, I commit myself to seriously walk the steps with completion in mind. I commit myself to giving it my all, a real, self-honest effort to complete what I set out to accomplish. To play in this world, I've got to make it count, and until the goal is met, no score goes on the board.

The principle of accumulation doesn't apply if my walk is 0+0+0...

I commit myself to walking the 1+1...until it is done.

Day 430 - Relax, create

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uptight within having to control myself and what I create.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to trust myself within my breath when I initiate creative processes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in quantum moments, creating anxiety and fear before I move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating unintentional consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move from a starting point of fearing the worst, and so decide to not move at all, or be rigid and awkward in my self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to fully redefine my living expression of CALM, so that I can access it readily, and choose to create from this starting point.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just breathe and be here.

--

When and as I see myself uptight, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I do not like this tension that I create in my body.

I commit myself to start trusting my body more and using it to cross reference when I am calm/uptight.

When and as I see myself trying to create something, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that creating from the starting point of breath is optimal.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to create from within energy.

When and as I see myself creating from within energy, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I have many layers of energetic preprogramming from which I create in my world.

I commit myself to take it one at a time, in writing, so that I may eventually only create from within a breath.

When and as I see myself getting stiff before going into self-expression in creation, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I'm having a quantum mind/physical system come up, most likely under the umbrella of self-judgment.

I commit myself to really slowing my mind and self down, to debug the quantum programming and release it through sounding forgiveness.

When and as I see myself fearing unintentional consequences, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that mistakes happen, and I will, sometimes, have to learn as I go.

I commit myself to embrace the unintended consequences, and learn from them.

When and as I see myself fearing the worst, I stop I breathe.

I realize that fearing the worst is one of the best ways to manifest it.

I commit myself to clear my head in a breath, drop the fear, and think practically about my self-movement.

When and as I see myself within an opened process point that would benefit me greatly to finish, namely, redefining CALM, I stop, I breathe.

I realize that I tend to react to unfinished projects with self-diminishment, and believing that I will never get it done.

I commit myself to write my next blog post about unfinished projects, and really open that up.

I commit myself to breathe, consciously, more and more each day.

I commit myself to bringing my breath into awareness more and more, each day.

I commit myself to breathe, relax into my breath, and trust that I will effectively create the change I want to see.

Day 414 - Holding Form

This is a very cool concept I've been playing with recently. In our minds, we utilize imagination to generate pictures. When we're thinking about something that we want (or don't want!), the thought can sometimes be paired with a mentally rendered picture. Furthermore, that picture and thought may come with a distinct and strong feeling; perhaps nostalgia, or dread.

With the word form, I'm talking about a fairly complex entity. The form refers to a specified, cognitive creation. As an internal form, the general or specific qualities that define this form are stable. Throughout our day, we erratically move through various forms or understandings about what is going on what what should happen next. Sometimes a form is fed to us: by parents, preachers and advertising. Any idea can really be seen as a form. An uninvented invention, is but a form until the form holder moves the form into physical existence.

Get it?

Ok, the next part is the how. How do you move form into physicality? There is no one way, and there are many specific forms requiring specific journeys into life. So, what am I saying? I'm saying that truly, the how is irrelevant. It's not worth any preemptive, cognitive burden. When the moment is here to walk the how, that creative moment is potentially a lot of fun. Downstream creative focus is one of the most enjoyable value creation activities that we can participate in. So if the "how problem" is solved, what's the missing ingredient?

The holding part. Take a form and hold it. Also take care in how you hold it. But this how is a practical and essential! It is the difference between holding the form of happily enjoying an ice cream cone after dinner, to fearfully holding the form of an attacker that's always looming in dark allies.

The "holding patterns" phenomenon warrants mention here too. A habitual perception, where the pattern is held in somewhat of a rigid way, often fear-based. It's a repetitively, internally experienced form (or fear) that the mind overlays/projects onto the external world, causing us to make physically-based decisions in a totally twisted way. This can severely limit our utmost potential in this lifetime; and you can forget about having a dynamic & creative application of supporting what is best for all. I'm sure you can think of many examples of how specific holding patterns have shaped your life, for better or for worse.

I choose principle-based holding patterns as my corrected living solution. It takes strength, which requires clarity.

So,

Get clear.
Get strong.
&
Hold forms that are best for all.



- thank you -

(if you've enjoyed this post and can relate, please leave a comment and share how you're understanding this concept. I will certainly expand on it because I didn't even get to words as forms ;)

Day 400 - Self-Leadership in a Relationship, Part 2

The key insight for the success of a relationship:

Reorienting Self to Self

I got stuck in a subtle, long-term possession of sorts. Moving across the country to live with this lady person wasn't the plan. Two weeks later, it was. I prepared to leave my family over the next 5 months, and when the time came, I was in a completely new environment. Granted, I have had a lot of practice with this when in college. Each year I picked a new place to live and embraced the randomness of Craigslist to assign my housemates. Each year, I adapted, and in doing so, I significantly created myself based on who I was living with. My operating philosophy at the time: In order to be successful in the future, I needed to be able to handle myself in any living environment. I saw it as a challenge and a practice in flexibility; however, I didn't realize how much I was compromising myself by creating my character to be at the whim of my world. Perhaps I promoted harmony, but I didn't stand as the director of my reality.

Now, living with my LP, we're committed to becoming the directive principle of our lives in alignment with what is best for all. That's not an overnight process. Closer to 7 years. Walking with another process walker, we are constantly facing our minds, day-in and day-out. It's safe to say that this is far from the easy, go-with-the-flow style of living that I had been operating within most of my life. This has been far more real, far more challenging, and unquestionably more rewarding.

So what is really the difference? How I had learned to live was primarily through self-interest, meaning that I would dynamically alter my expression: thoughts, words & deeds, to get from life that which I wanted. The scope of my consideration was narrowly what I saw would best suit me. I enjoyed laughing and getting along with people, so one of my favorite characters was a humor-oriented personality. There is also a fear energy of not being accepted by others, so I was kind of hitting two birds with one stone. I had no idea how I was using my mind to create these well-adapted characters, nor did I have any idea of the consequences.

Creating harmony-producing characters is simply not working anymore. Those personalities function on a more surface level. My LP and I are committed to going deep, sorting out the false personalities, and getting to know the real Self here. This task is much more involved than creating a temporary personality, and this means it's not going to be all pretty and lovely-dovey all the time. The friction and conflict between us is much like tilling the earth for the next season of growth. This can be most uncomfortable! We're drudging up many of our personal 'truths', the ways which we've accepted and defined the world to be. But Hey, it's a new year, and they say the first year of an agreement relationship is the hardest.

I have already begun to see how we're shifting from 'fighting for our limitations' - which is how we say: fighting to be right or to protect our existing 'knowledge' - and into understanding each other, accepting each other, and moving to firstly change self. Letting go of her in a way, frees me up to focus on myself and my process through the mind. One of the most supportive tools I've been focusing on developing is: Listening. More on that to come.

There are plenty more tools to define and use, and I'll make a more sincere effort to begin sharing them with you here. Writing is so incredibly essential if you want to move forward into/as life. The mind will play games to no end if you let it. The coolest part about being in an agreement is that neither of us will let it happen to either of us. There is no question in my mind whether moving across the country was worth it or not. My life partner and I are going to Garb-Dan the world together :)

Day 398 - The 'Creation through Certainty' Character

I have created a character that allows me to feel comfortable in knowing that I am on track, and because I'm on track, I don't really need to exert myself. I'm going to call it "The Universe will take care of me" character. This stems from having a comfortable and privileged upbringing. My parents did a good job nourishing me and increasing my capacity to take on great challenges, but I didn't have a whole lot of practice taking on challenges. This probably connects to that feeling of anxious ambition that I have identified with for most of my life.

Now, I'm not completely spoiled nor unwilling to work. I like to envision and create some pretty cool stuff, but I haven't had many serious applications of this. I would create little, fun projects that yielded a sense of pride. For example, when I was in elementary school, about 9 years old, I saw a roll of raffle tickets in the store one day and realized that I could run my own raffle to make money! I sold several tickets to some of my school friends before I got sent in to the principal's office.

The the underlying point is: I've had lots of creative experience with ventures that were relatively easy. I could see the start through to the finish, and the amount of effort required by me was unmistakable. This way, I had enough overall certainty to determine that I would succeed before I started...

Here is where I messed up. I liked the certainty so much that it became the primary way through which I initiated creation. And that's the problem I did not foresee from the vantage point of youthful ignorance. Whether or not I could have is irrelevant because there's only one reality here, and that's what I have to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how creating within the confines of certainty is vastly limited in scope.

And I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I had created this habit for my creation process, and so have vastly limited myself and my potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear uncertainty, risk, and loss.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be okay with loss.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to welcome uncertainty and risk into my life so that I may challenge myself to ask the relevant questions and make decisions of greater magnitude without fear, but instead with common sense.

Here we go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe fear to be valid within my decision making.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by fear energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create thoughts and backchat within fear, and then accept this inner voice/perspective as valid, and at that, more valid than any other perspective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to substantiate my fear-spawned beliefs and opinions by acting and moving within them.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that with common sense discernment, I can make significantly better decisions in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully embody the realization that I can stop any energy - thought, feeling or emotion - that comes up within me in reaction to any specific circumstances. Breathe. Release. Forgive. Let it go.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the energies+thoughts that come up within me automatically, are self-creations of the past that must be updated.

I created me through the vastly limited perspective of my youth. I created me through an incomplete picture of reality. I created me in consideration of only my own interests: desires and fears.

I now commit myself to creating and recreating myself within expanding awareness of Self and All.

That's huge! The criteria with which I create myself is continually changing with expanding awareness. There's the full circle key insight. All my creations, external and within, were based on known certainties of the past. They were all neatly packaged up and ready to be executed. If something went wrong...I'd just abandon the mission. Remember how I mentioned only being comfortable with uncertainty and risk when the stakes were low? If the stakes were high, and abandoning the mission were not an option...

...I simply wouldn't try.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the end of the road, being left with no options, no alternatives, falling into the darkness of the unknown. It feels like death, or at least has a strong connection to the fear of death point.

Transmutation of perspective: There is always a way. Where there is a will, there is a way, as my dad would often say. (Why didn't I orient to this from the beginning?... I was lacking the will.)

Parkour Philosophy agrees. When there appears to be no path, keep looking. Regardless of if it truly is a dead end, real-time, solution-oriented focus is unyielding and may even become stronger.

This is my resolve.

I commit myself to breathe some life into my process.
I commit myself to persist with solution-oriented living.
I commit myself to create without fear of failure.
I commit myself to bring serious effort into all my pursuits.

Day 393 - Realizing My Utmost Potential: Seize Moments of Opportunity

Never again will I wait and hope for opportunity to embrace me.


The eighth vow of success as written in Og Mandino's book titled The Greatest Salesman in the World, Part II: The End of the Story. I just read this "scroll" tonight for the first time, and it resonated with me in a very important way. Most of my life, I've been fortunate and had access to most earthly pleasures. I felt special. My world was filled with opportunities, and it was relatively effortless to move myself in the direction that best suited me. Opportunities came knocking, and all I had to do was say yes or no. For the first time in my life, opportunities are not overtly coming to me  as they had in my past. Going with the flow is no longer a viable option.

Now it is my turn to go knocking on opportunity's door. I am now responsible for recognizing potential, AND doing the hard work to create success from opportunity. This is the key take away I received from my reading tonight. Moving myself and taking the initiative in life is personally an underdeveloped skill. I hadn't need it in my passive approach to seizing blatantly obvious opportunities that would serve my best interests. No longer flowing down that easy river of predetermined direction that I called life, I now must lead myself in and as life to create my/life's utmost potential. The commitment to consider all as equals, as life, as one, as myself is a real game changer! I stand. I take on this challenge. I commit myself to finding and creating opportunities that are conclusive solutions in supporting what is best for all life.


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is my responsibility to put forth serious effort in transforming opportunity into value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my past living and lifestyle of going with the flow, of zombie-like decision making, of waiting for success to find me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I will always be taken care of by the universe because I am special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more special than other people in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel entitled to comfortable living.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that without taking the initiative to lead and create my life in specificity, I am not really living at all. To follow the automated living of consciousness is hardly living. I realize that if I am going to manifest my highest potential of myself and so contribute to manifesting the highest potential of humanity, I MUST MOVE.

Inertia.

What a great word to investigate! Join me tomorrow for my philosophical reflection here.



Declaration of Principled Living 1.2

Day 390 - Responsible Self Creation

A fascinating point opened up for me this week. In short, I've been walking process in separation of it. What does this mean? I've defined this Journey to Life / Desteni I Process as a thing that sits on the shelf, and so when I was walking down the aisle and saw it, I threw it in my shopping cart. Desteni became for me just another 'thing' that I could have a relationship with and so define myself by it. When you investigate the process that Desteni outlines, you will find that it is impossible to passively consume the information and call yourself a Destonian. It is very much a participatory process.

Now, on one hand, I could say that seeing, realizing and understanding this point was also just part of the process, and that would be true; however, on the other hand, this point is essential to walk my process effectively. So let's just say that it is a critical stepping stone. Let me elaborate a bit more.

The corrective application for this point is what is so fascinating about it. It is as follows: Self is referenced first, then the external is referenced. I know, right? Awesome. Before, when I was walking process in separation of it, what I was doing missing Self in the equation of living. Don't get me wrong: I had an ego/self-concept that was constantly considered, judged, protected, etc. But Self, here, was in the background while my consciousness called all the shots. So, now I'm practicing including Self in the equation, and one specific experience of how I do so is best described as a shift forward within myself.

Example: Slouched over, at my desk, reading this blog post. I notice myself. I ask, "where am I [within my body]?" I sit up straight. I take a breath. And then it's like I, within myself, move closer to my eyes. My peripheral vision is slightly more in awareness as is my body. From here, I can consider my reality more expansively than a moment ago. And this is just the beginning of responsible self creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is hard to be here, aware of myself within physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire escaping into my mind to avoid my responsibilities and furthermore hide what I am doing from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire an easy, automated way of transcending the mind, which is also accurately phrased as 'escaping the mind', wherein I now realize that this misconceptualization only feeds the mind and that I (Self) actually have to participate in process if this is going to get done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to put forth the necessary effort to push through the resistances and fears that have long held me within my base set of personalities, and so perceptions, thus vastly limiting my potential to the point where it makes me sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the realization of who and how I have been living as, with an unease of self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back within self-judgment, instead of moving forward in the realization that I now see the point, and I now commit myself to taking full responsibility for the point, and I commit to changing myself through living the corrective application.

When and as I see myself slumped over with my beingness shifted into the background, and/or I am reactive to my environment, not really considering everything INCLUDING SELF, I stop, I breathe. I realize I am here. I see where I am at within my daily responsibilities. I write. I create a game plan. I move myself.

This is my chance to responsibility create myself and reach my highest potential.

This is your chance too.

Just gotta walk the process ;)

Day 387 - I am, I stand, I create

In the last post, I began to just dive into this specific point of waiting for external environment to guide, shape and influence my walk of life, my decisions. Of course, this is natural to a degree, but my experience of myself is that I'm constantly just going with the flow, being swayed to and fro. I'm much less taking the initiative to create my life, to create opportunities and situations with Self as the Authority. As I walk this my process through the mind, utilizing the Desteni tools, I am garnering self-trust that I can and will create situations that are best for all. This is the unwavering principle that I commit myself to learn, practice, and live as my updated self-expression. The old programs in my mind, the structure of my thinking, are self-interest based and outdated.

 Here, I'm going to continue with the self-correction statements from the last post, but before I do, I'm going to specify, "I forgive myself for just going with the flow." Thanks for the feedback Adrian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just go with the flow, wherein I limit my self-expressive capacity through only moving myself within reaction to external stimuli. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give to myself the responsibility to consider all relevant points, and from within that, take initiative and direct myself to create my myself and my external to become the highest potential. I no longer accept and allow myself to passively wait for life to hand me lemons. I commit myself to  go buy lemons and plant a lemon tree, considering what is best for all, here, now and in the future. This is an example of how I am starting taking the initiative in my life, an example of Creation, with and as, Self and All.

When and as I see myself in a state of uncertainty where I am waiting for my external world to tell me how to be, how to act, what to say, I stop I breathe. I realize that I, alone, and responsible for what I think, say and do. I commit myself to direct and create my life despite how uncomfortable it may seem at first.

When and as I see myself going with the flow of life because I see this as a form of stability, safety, freedom from judgement as I am not responsible for the direction my life takes, I stop I breathe. I realize that this belief about 'going with the flow' as a form of stable and safe living is only valid from the perspective of my ego that prefers to be infallible, and so making decisions becomes a risk where others can potentially judge me. I commit myself to continue expounding upon this specific point of fearing judgement from others as a catalyst for indecision. And I commit myself stop the pattern by recognizing when I'm awaiting external stimulus to react/respond to, take a breath, consider how I can create/initiate a best for all outcome and put it into action. Self-movement.

I commit myself to stop creating myself to be a victim of my environment, swaying through the tides of life instead of standing a pillar, standing on principle.

When and as I see myself desiring the easy way, to have the responsibility of guidance in my life to be given to me, I stop I breathe. I realize that by taking responsibility to direct my life, I am giving myself the greatest gift I could give myself: participating by co-creating life on planet earth.  I commit myself to giving myself this gift and working through any limitations that bar me from receiving this gift.

I commit myself to pushing through all limitations and self-sabotage points that keep me from realizing my utmost potential and contributing the the betterment of humanity on a global scale.

When and as I see myself in a state of complacency, assuming that my life direction is superb and that I will be remembered as a great man, I stop I breathe. I realize that it actually requires hard work and dedication to create value in this world. I realize that I can not passively glide through life AND leave a legacy behind that I can be proud of, so I commit myself sit and wait no longer. Every day, every hour, every breath, I have a decision to make: Will I be honest with myself and move to create value in alignment with what is best for all, or will I spend another moment deluding myself in a temporary realty wherein I only see a much smaller picture of myself, my potential and the world around me.

When and as I see myself in a state of fear of failure and/or rejection, I stop I breathe. I realize that this fear limits me from taking the initiative to express myself and create outcomes that are best for all. I realize that fearing rejection/failure is self-interest, protecting myself as ego. I commit myself to push through this fear over and over and over, until the prospect of failure and rejection does not unnecessarily weigh me down and become my directive principle. I commit myself to let myself risk failure/rejection in moments where I see that I can insert myself within a starting point direction of creating what is best for all.

When and as I see myself reacting to my environment with a perceived certainty and control within my reactions, I stop I breathe. I realize my reactions for what they are: reactions. I commit myself to stop justifying my reactions, however valid they may seem in a moment. I realize that by breathing in, I can take into consideration the relevant facts of any situation and who I am within it; and as I breathe out, I move myself to initiate and create the best possible outcome for all life.

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Day 386 - Who's Creating My Life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to be directed and determined by external events.

This is the key understanding of this post. I will continue to specify the what, why and how through self-forgiveness statements. If you are able, I invite you to join with me in speaking these statements aloud:


I forgive myself that I have relinquished the responsibility to direct my life because it is easier to just go with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that going with the flow is the best way to live my life, not realizing the perpetual victimhood this creates for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire an easy life with minimal responsibilities and obligations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I want to create a life that is highly rewarding, and leave a legacy behind that will best benefit this world, I must create it to be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am destined to do great things. In this belief, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special and able to achieve this greatness and recognition merely because I am special, that my perception and point of view is superior.

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to realize and OWN my personal responsibility to willfully direct my life.

I forgive myself for just going with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself according to the circumstance within which I had fallen into with little or no effort. Specific example: I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to try harder in school, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leverage my intelligence to simply get by with passing grades without really applying myself to discover my highest potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really push myself to discover my true potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be passive and to wait for external events to react to in a calculated way ensuring that I could achieve my self-interested goals. Specific example: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for another to initiate relationship advances so that I could protect myself from fear of rejection. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a strong negative emotion to failure and rejection, create a fear of failure/rejection, and fear that fear so extensively that I severely limited my expression and potential when interacting socially with peers.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how extensively I've limited my self-expression through allowing my own internal fears guide me on the 'safe track' in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define failure/rejection as unsafe.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace failure, rejection and weakness within myself, such that I could then grow, improve and strengthen myself in the bigger picture of my life...instead of concerning myself so very much with the small/immediate picture of myself / my life that I couldn't see how narrow my life path is.

This is an important point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that a life lead by reactions to immediate circumstances, wherein I am accepting and allowing myself to define myself by each consequence (i.e. failure), is not a life at all. Living in such a way is like living as a program that doesn't comprehend the highest potential as a possibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself into thinking that I am creating my life lead by reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am not my reactions; to realize that these reactions are mental programs that drastically limit who I become in this life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for directing my life within a stable consideration of all things relevant.

I forgive myself that I have not yet fully accepted and allowed myself to stop the reactive, self-interested programming, BREATHE, and create my life path through a self-honest consideration of what decisions and actions will contribute to creating what is best for all life and ultimately allow humanity to reach our highest potential.

Self-corrective application commitment will be placed in the next post.

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