Day 144 - Sleepy Delay

A common resistance expression: yawn!

It happens when I am tired and facing a point that I do not want to face, and I allow the tiredness to take me away from whatever it is, and I lie on the floor....like now....

....

...the next day. Here I am. haha

(There is a pattern of going into the resistance of that which I am facing, like I should indulge in it one last time before I address it)

To the point: This is a consequence of delaying my responsibilities until the later parts of the night. So, the tiredness can be justified from one perspective of needing rest; however, there are times when I move into a napping position, justifying it as necessary, but the starting point movement is within the resistance of not wanting to face the point at hand. The delay that's earlier in the day leads into this delay point's acceptance. Enough delaying..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay points of responsibility for the night time within the ingrained habit of becoming serious with accomplishing work at that specific time because I can typically reserve it as 'alone time.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become a more effective worker at specific times of the day, where I allow myself to delay responsibility until those times based within a moodyness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to dynamically adjust to work levels at any time, within the fresh starting point of any breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use sleep as an excuse to not face a point, with the background thought that "I can do it later, and later may not ever come, so I may not have to face this point."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be dishonest with myself in hiding from me my true intentions of directing or not directing myself through a point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can escape the stress of the today's moment here, by falling asleep, where upon waking I am no longer faced with the same point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that sleeping off a point as such, only suppresses it, and I will always, eventually have to face myself in relation to any particular point.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to better manage my time in the day so that I am not stuck with a large workload at the end of the day.

I commit myself to better managing my time throughout the day and from day to day.

When and as I see myself yawning and desiring to sleep instead of finishing a task I've saved for the nigh time, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this diversion tactic is as effective as I allow. I commit myself to not allow myself to simply move to the floor for a "quick nap," and realize that this is a dishonest motion.

I commit myself to making stable agreements with myself in relation to when I accomplish work, so that if I am in fact too physically tired to keep writing, I will note where I am leaving off, intentionally fall asleep, and intentionally complete what I was doing when I wake and am ready to begin daily tasks.

I commit myself to no longer use sleep as a means to possibly escape a certain point through a dishonest attempt to sleep, break continuity, and keep moving on to other things.

I commit myself to working strong and only moving into sleep when it is not a manifestation of delay from being overwhelmed with not wanting to face a point such as reading, writing, editing, or anything work related. I commit myself to seeing, realizing and understanding that sleeping will not make anything go away and rather only delay my progress in becoming self-responsible.

I commit myself to sleeping when it is necessary. And within that, I commit myself to not delay sleeping with the lack of acknowledging the consequences. I commit myself to keep understanding my delay points through writing until, I can be stable within my directive force of self, here. I commit myself to surely stop the mind's directive control through submitting to the easy way of escapism.

This is a tough point, but that's exactly what my mind wants me to think, so that I am less likely to take back the directive control of my life as life.

The various points of self in relation to sleeping requires further investigation. Stay tuned..

from: wikimedia commons