Day 139 - Combative Attitude

I recently realized myself within an negative attitude orientation towards another. This particular person happens to be my mother at the moment, but this insight can be applied throughout all of my relationships and interactions. It looks like this: I have general backchat as thoughts about a person that accumulate within my mind, and because I believe myself to be so right inside my mind, I go with it, and treat others as if they ARE the mental representations I've created of them based on my judgments. With my mom, it's like I'm trying to show her that I'm better, smarter, and capable, and while she does see that I'm smart, often we get into ego battles. And in this scene, I'm not supporting what's best for all. I'm not supporting her or me in the development of individual stability. So what the hell is going on here? My mind gets fuzzy and clouded with a multitude of thought paths I could take in searching for the simple answer that I need to stop and breathe when I am inclined to fight with her and direct my words to support us in reaching shared understanding. Also, when I'm accumulating a mental representation of others of which I act on, I commit myself to stopping this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my perspective is superior and absolutely right to the point that I disrespect others and create my beliefs of those other people as being inferior to align with my superior self-definition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live out the judgments I have others by allowing the thoughts and then allowing the words/actions to manifest, all within a superiority experience possession where I do not stop and breathe and consider what's best for all in common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand HOW I've been existing within a particular negative/combative attitude that often looks like "me against the world," as in I am separate and superior within my perception.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore my behavior patterns from the stand point of ego-experience immersion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to breathe and stop the internal energy that's creating friction in my physical environment while I've lost all sign of what really matters as acting within the interest of what's best for all in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to defend and protect MY 'unique' perspective by sharing it with others that "must see that I am right" because I want this validation to confirm that I've done a good job within me in choosing the 'right' perspective.

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When and as I see myself accumulating a mental representation of another human being, I stop I breathe. I realize that this not an effective starting point for supporting those in my world as equals. I commit myself to slowly and surely start recognizing when I go into thought-judgment perspective and stop it before I act within and as it.

When and as I see myself inside of an ego-immersed perspective that is ready to strike and attack anyone who doesn't share the same perspective, I stop I breathe. I realize that I'm harming self by not effectively producing a best-for-all result. I commit myself to using my words effectively in seeing if my stance is ego-immersed and then breathing and living the correction, where I speak of my mistake and make efforts to reach mutual understanding.

When and as I see myself building up emotion/feeling to support my perspective, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am activating a system in these moments, and as hard as it is to shut it down, I know that I may be able to better direct the situation within a common sense flow from the best-for-all perspective. I commit myself to stop allowing my attitude to go unnoticed. I commit myself to taking responsibility for my embarrassing ego-involvement episodes, diving into the humility instead of resisting it.

I commit myself to setting flag-points for the specific moments where I have routinely allowed myself to go into the energy of the mind and direct a situation in reaction to a particular circumstance to an outcome that best supports my personal ego, where I stand within knowledge and information. I commit myself to utilizing these mental flag-points to STOP, breathe, and realize myself within self-honesty.

Thank you.