So far, in this process of daily blogging for self-realization, I've been really getting to know myself. There is still more to discover, but I need to get serious and really start digging into all of the points I've opened up thus far. This post will serve to re-map and recap the most pertinent points of what I'm presently facing and give my self direction for the coming new year, which is not going to bring anything new without my doing. I'm not going to be one of those folks who waits/hopes for change in their lives. Process is proactive.
Rant to self:
I'm sick of biting my nails. Every thought participation that allows finger-to-mouth chewing action = many many. So, to start recording them and organizing them is a feat that easily moves me into overwhelmed --> shut down, don't try. Typical thought design is placing myself in a future/imagined event, so that I can protect myself against the opposition within my internal conversation with others. That's just one and it's extensive in itself. I say to me, it is important to not get discouraged by the up-play of who I am in action. This is me the nail biter, feeding my survival through the apparent impossibility of stopping the addiction to my nail biting. I commit myself to realizing how I can stop this habit effectively through discovering each related point of entry.*
Delay. I like to play an easy video game, like I see my mom doing at times within the same avoidance pattern. My dad is always working, and now I see me blaming my parents for who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents and justify my behavior and who I am through observing how similar I am to them. *Went for a nail bite with the thought of others/them reading this during the phrasing of the last part of the SF statement (after pausing on 'through').
Another pertinent delay point is related to above where I have a feeling of just writing it down -> then worry that I will not get around to going back to the point to address it (even if I tag this post accurately) -> based on past behavior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be stuck in self-discovery mode without effectively applying myself to in transferring my self-findings into self-action through SF and corrective living statements of my new self-created law of self. I commit myself to really working through delay so I can free myself from this one dimension of of excuse related to "I don't have enough time to do it all." <-- more to this than delay. Check it out..
Procrastination. Same as delay though slightly different take on it. It is how I allow myself to delay. If I have enough time to rush this post (as I am, for example) before going out to socialize...I will. I don't will myself. I let time push me. It's a pattern that' I've been aware of for a long time and even started writing about it in this JTL Blog on Day 2. Get it together. Not to discredit all accomplishment so far. I am better than I was, but there is still less than 100% self-honest self-direction in every moment of every day. Do work Dan.
Money. I need to make money. I need to make a career for myself. How can I do both? A lot of work is required. No time to waste. 2013 is going to be fascinatingly productive for me, unless I fail hard. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing myself within the application of directing myself to learn and create my future. Law...not the original plan, but I like the stability and prestige. Creative works are not as certain, and stability is most of all important. If I try to leap from cracking ice on a pond, I'm less likely to be successful than leaping from a concrete foundation. Focus on personal foundation to create breathing room and launch successful ventures.
That's it for now. To be continued, as always. Desteni I Process is the most useful self-help course on the planet. Check out the Lite version if you don't believe me. Thanks to all those who really care about all life...which could easily be everyone...ego/minds suck.