Day 160 - Basis of Self-Leadership for 2013 and Beyond!

This is the end of 2012, and I have learned a lot about myself. The effort required to blog these past one hundred and sixty days has given me a more perspective on my life. It's been entirely worth it, and I can see me making it all the way to day 2555. It's like a concrete accountability for my self-realizations, and I can clearly see what I've walked out in writing and what points need more attention. It's been far from easy and automatic. There has been a lot of resistance to the writing process, usually in the form of fear-based thought spin-off. And the thoughts move so quickly that I can easily have trouble finding the source or whatever it is that I'm trying to hide from myself. That's why self-honesty is crucial. I am breathing and slowing down the thoughts so I can see myself in self-honesty. From this starting point I will establish a real confidence in my ability to lead. No more personality creation cover-ups. I'm done overlaying new personality designs over the fear and self-doubt.

This whole writing process is me leading me into the self-change that is required to overcome the obstacles of my self-interested programming of my mind. When I can clearly stand within the principle of what's best for all always, I will actualize true confidence within my walk of leadership for self and others so that we may all take responsibility for what needs to be done to actually bring peace to earth.

I realize that I must be able to lead myself before I can help lead the world, so I've identified some more leadership points that I've related myself to and defined myself within limitations and self-defeatism. And here is the forgiveness release to bring me into the new year:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave the present moment that is here because I fear that I cannot be strong, assertive, confident, and/or certain when I am participating in a group of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to 'looking stupid/inadequate/wrong,' and thus I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my thoughts are more valuable than remaining present as I have created and compounded many memories of when my thoughts helped me to mitigate imagined fear play-outs of which I did not realize myself as the creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have been participating in self-generated fears to protect myself from them, not realizing that this process is not in my best interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize in each moment how and when I am in fear and with these fear-thoughts, create the fear to play-out in real life. I realize that I am manifesting my fears through the repetitive participation within them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am my thoughts and that I am so great within them, that I should follow them instead of the common sense reality that is here in all moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself as a leader because I observe others that are more 'carefree' and judge them as less than I because I am spending more time in thought of which I identified with within a superiority complex in being able to contemplate many imagined play-outs and chose the best one, not realizing that I am missing the moment when and as I move off into fear motivated thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear of other's not liking my ideas, not wanting to follow my lead, and/or putting down my ideas and so discrediting my position of leadership.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that I can dodge these fears by thinking about them and figuring out a way to prevent them, and not realize that I was living in fear in this thinking process.

When and as I see myself participating in imagined fear play-outs so that I may try to mitigate the actualization of the fears I'm imagining, I stop I breathe. I realize and understand that I am actually creating the experience of fear by participating in thinking about ways to prevent the fear, as the starting point of my experience is fear. I commit myself to taking responsibility for all fear creation/experience and recognizing what I am doing so that I may apply forgiveness and live the correction as a new self-direction from the starting point of breath in doing what is best for all.

When and as I see myself in a frightened state, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can trace the origin of the fear thought-pattern through the process of writing with, in and as self-honesty. I commit myself to this process of writing and investigating my past so that I do not reactively create my future like a programmed organic robot.

When and as I see myself placing a dominating importance on my thinking process, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can effectively lead myself through life without living in fear, and through practice, I commit myself to figuring out how.

When and ass I see myself in fear of looking stupid or a variant thereof, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am participating in a design of fearing my own fear creations. I commit myself to stopping this illusion-to-reality enactment with mindful consideration of who I am within each moment of each breath.

When and as I see myself in one of the dimensions of leadership fear, I stop I breathe. I realize this is not who I am, and that I will not effectively mitigate the fear by participating within it. I commit myself to writing this all out for myself to see until it is done, and I live fearlessly with life.

Thanks to life, all and I.

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Time is ticking, get serious with me and investigate what you've become so together we can disengage what we've collectively allowed within our world. End the atrocity. Look into how Equal Money System works and what the transition will look like.