Day 138 - Trading time for experience

Today I noticed a trend of decision points. I can either spend my time in a way that yields a positive experience for me, or I can do work. In doing work, I'm not directly hitting those pleasure areas of the brain (like sugar does!). So, there is a turmoil that happens when I turn away from work and toward an action that will yield quick positive rewards (like video games designed to reward users for completing virtual tasks). These rewards are fleeting. The experience is quite real, and by real I mean, I experience it. What I've come to learn is just how powerful the mind is in creating the feelings associated with experiences, and that this is a programmable function of the mind.

The problems:

I did not program my mind with absolute self-honest awareness.

The way in which time is used can easily be considered wasteful when held relative to more productive acts.

Some times the trade off is more than just time, but also physical hardship (i.e. surging insulin for sugar, poor posture for video games)

This mode of existence is no longer simply acceptable, and maybe it never was...I've just been self-dishonest by virtue of ignoring the negative details, or at least downplaying them enough to allow the behavior to continue as habits. Like as another example, my nail biting habit is a physical trade off for the energetic high of thought. Specific thoughts. Usually future/anxiety/fear related thougts are when I seek nail biting for comfort, the experience of chewing away roughness is that of productive, useful. I programmed that one by accident (will be walking out realizations & SF in relation to nail biting soon).

So when I'm investing myself within and as these positive energy experiences, I am also creating the polarity consequence. It's not obvious at first, but once you realize how the consequence is connected, it would take sustained self-dishonesty to not correct self. Not being aware of the simple tools of self-forgiveness and breath, make process near impossible as the self tends to shy away from the unpleasantries of self.

I commit myself to self-honesty, so that I will begin to see what is and is not acceptable and correct behaviors to surely align with what's best for all, within the realization that a positive experience is not worth compromising self's time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider positive experiences which are certainly not the best use of my time to dominate my behavior patterns within choosing to follow the positive feeling based decision for easy self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program my mind to seek for positive energy experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to move from high energy external stimulus to other high energy external stimulus, not realizing that I am not standing up inside myself and saying stop like I would in an ideal world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from' myself in the ideal world.'

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as one and equal with 'myself in the ideal world.'

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize, and understand how and what consequences are related to my decision to follow the energetically positive mental experience within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the energetically positive experiences in a 'willy-nilly' fashion where I do not at all consider what I ought to be doing as what is best for myself and all.

I commit myself to show how I can stop participating in the time-wasting, self-serving pleasures of instant gratification through the combined application of self-forgiveness and living these corrective application statements.

I commit myself to thoroughly address the specific points related to this design of trading time for experience, such as the guilt that arises from not building/creating something of lasting value with my time.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from the ideal world, and start living here, in the physical by refocusing my decision basis on common sense, instead of positive experience-denial system manifestations.

I commit myself to start stopping the positive experience train within and as my breath, so that I no longer allow these experiences to drive my life for me.