This post is about the point of delay that I've been opening up. Today, I re-experienced myself having idealized intentions (Day 123) and yet not wanting to face myself (Day 112). From one perspective, it seems that I've been failing in overcoming the addiction to delay, but I know this is not a self-supportive perspective. I've experienced this detrimental perspective in relation to my nail biting habit, where I've been afraid to touch that point since falling back into it, having already thought to have cleared it back on Day 16. I'll soon get back to correcting my nail biting as I am realizing just how connected it is to the delay point.
Today, I allowed myself to go into delay because others in my environment are also killing time. My mind goes, "ah well if they are playing games and wasting time, it's ok that I do the same." This thought happens so fast, I mean, I move into the experience of accepting it so quickly that I don't stop to consider this point in self-honesty. Then I go into all sorts of other reactions to my delaying, forgetting how I let myself start in the first place. And then I assume it's too difficult to figure out why I've let myself enter delay, and so going into the overwhelmingness reaction, and then look for different ways to delay. It's like I'm still spiraling out of control (Day 98), and my stopping the whirlwind (Day 99) post was not effective. I realize though: This is a BIG point, or rather a hefty accumulation of a lot of related points. It will take time to sort it all out, but that's why I've committed myself to walking this 7 year path of self purification: My Journey to Life.
My Journey to Self-Honesty.
Now this post was going to simply be about the one point of Procrastinating Because of Others, but I'm going to delay that until tomorrow because I really want to expand and expound upon the delay pattern. As it is significantly affecting my life and ability to produce, I need to take this head on. And so I write:
following suit with environment as others procrastinating/abdicating responsibilities
perception of having enough time to take care of responsibilities later
"just one more time" - dishonest & unprioritized
delay breeding delay (work inertia)
fear of work/production not being good enough, into delay (needing more preparation)
working on other productive activities not directly related to intended task
experiences with others - social play time, courting women, etc.
delicious snacks, feel-good foods/candy
i.e. an early habit of eating cereal to delay going to bed
video games - virtual advancement/rewards
escaping into a mediated adventure (film or tv program)
getting out of bed
general, unnecessary consumption
... (if others come up, I'll place them here)
I commit myself to working through each of the above delay points that I've identified within self-forgiveness and corrective application.
The point of self-honesty will be how I determine my pace. Simple question for myself: Am I in delay or am I working towards what's best for all?
For those who aren't clear on what best for all is (and to clarify for myself), it is a matter of establishing myself as stable within being effective to be able to supporting all others as me until the world's inhabitants exist in unquestionable harmony.
Thank you for reading this process.