This past weekend, I took a trip back down to school to visit my remaining 'homies.' It was worthy trip despite the rainy weather and busy peer schedules. I had set the intention to re-examine my life from the varied perspective of being back in the college scene 5 months after graduating. Well, I quickly snapped back into my old habits, almost as if I hadn't left. Still, I placed priority on socializing over my homework/writing process. Here, is where I typically would get upset for failing myself, but instead, this time, I'm going to break it down!
The pros/cons approach to self-guidance, is kind of slippery. By that, I mean it is unstable or wavering in light of new or made-up information. So, I have a pattern of setting an ideal intention without considering the entire picture. Like a vague commitment, I passively lie to myself to feel good about decision up front, and fail to consider the space-time requirement of completion.Like, I don't really want to do the work, but it sure would be great to. Polarity friction within mind.
Starting point: idealized intention. A self-dishonest, cheater-like state where I can tell myself that I can be or do anything without considering the work involved. Separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I've been placing vague commitments as a weak starting point for self-direction and self-change.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself through setting these hollow intentions without even considering the work required to follow through.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be okay with lying to myself through incomplete and ambitious intention setting.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set goals for myself with half a heart, set myself up for disappointment, and still believe that I am almighty and powerful in my ability to create, when all I'm successfully creating is the image/thoughts of mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my mind through creating an alternate reality, convincing myself that it is valid and can be true, and then not following through.
When and as I see myself making vague commitment of which I do not consider all the action steps and related factors, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am compromising myself by diluting my confidence in my creative ability. I commit myself to being thorough with my commitments.
I commit myself to being real with my commitments, taking into consideration all of the space-time that may need to be allocated, so that my intention is grounded in the confidence that I know I can and will get it done.
I commit myself to stop lying to myself.
I commit myself to stop hiding from myself that I am lying to myself through time.
I commit myself to self-honestly assessing my intentions and motivations.