Day 119 - Imagined Futures of Grandeur

Photo from flickr

Today I re-realized a long running pattern of thought-separation. I place myself in imaged futures of grandeur and hardly ever make efforts to manifest them. Having many imagined possible futures for myself without any real commitment, I call being 'overly ambitious'. There is a very positive feeling association when I imagine myself in a possible future where I am a successful, big shot in whatever field I'm think of in that moment; however, within this head play I never take the time to imagine how I will get there or which practical steps to take. This point was briefly opened up on Day 13 - Relationship with Future Self, where I address

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself by imagining many future selves and thinking that I could be all or many of them, without taking any responsibility for creating myself in alignment to these visions.

I commit myself to begin practically directing my thoughts to prioritize which steps I'll be taking towards which goals. I realize that I have many goals, and to narrow and focus which ones I actually want to pursue will be a process, and by giving myself the time and patience, I will be able to direct myself more effectively than continually allowing thoughts to just rush around in my head. Choosing which passions to pursue is a seemingly dreadful task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought/feeling that focusing my life path is dreadful or scary. I realize that my mind makes up this feeling-orientation, and it only stands as an obstacle or procrastination excuse.

I commit myself to living my physical self-direction, to stop the thought storm, and get to work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, or understand that I am not these future projections of myself, and also underestimate the actual effort of physically walking toward accomplishing these great goals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am these future projections without having to do any of the work, and so by participating in the imagination in this way, I am removing myself from the realization that I must work to achieve.

I commit myself to stop amplifying the image of myself and my ability in separation from who I am in actuality, here, breathing, doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a dreamer in separation from a doer.

I commit myself to doing my dreams, and stopping the lofty ideals as potential, great accomplishments.

When and as I see myself becoming overwhelmed with the thoughts of life directions and future selves, I stop  I breathe. I realize that to stop separating myself from the million future selves / possible career paths, I must walk within a practical application. My life direction will unfold with me through this process of self-discovery. The more I write, the more clarity I will gain within myself, and I commit myself to the steadfast application of forgiveness of self to quiet the ambition storm.