Day 327 - Uniting Past, Present and Future

Here. This is the moment that unites past, present, and future. Here, I may contemplate how my past self has played into who I am today. With this in mind, I can see the momentous personality characteristics that create my future self. This is the basis of today's post.

My relationships between the three different selves has long been not considered. My whole life has been much more locked into the present perspective. I hadn't realized that my 'unimportant' past was creating my future because the idea of my future was so vastly different and glorious. My future self had felt like he's already achieved greatness with no context based in the past or present. The separation between my past self, present self, and future self has been causing me much more grief and discord than I had realized. I've been isolated in my present self experience: very chill, "everything's going to be great," optimistic.

Without further ado,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate my past self from my present self through deliberately not paying attention to the events of my past because I would rather maintain my optimistic perspective and not be accountable for the past that seems to be long gone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how my past self is connected to my future self, through my present self.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing my present self to recognize the relationship between past and future selves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my future self is going to be glorious when there is no past evidence to support the fruition of this glorious self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect my past, thinking that I can create a better future if I do not have the past weighing me down. In this, I now realize that I can't escape my past, as it is here as me. Ignoring it is actually to my detriment because then I can't address and take responsibility for my past, and thus allowing my past to automatically create my future. Ahhhh, here we go.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the automation of my self-creation based on the past, flowing into the future, while my present self sits pretty in an illusionary perspective of control.

Timeline Example - A cool way to map myself...

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my past doesn't matter.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that all the power to create my future is in the present, separate from my past events, not realizing that the past is actually here in the present as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the multidimensionality of myself through time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress my past self here, to be able to comfortably reside in a disillusioned state of consciousness in the present.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an imagined future self that is beautiful and exciting, let those feelings take over glorify my present perspective, while ignoring the reality of myself here that is primarily composed of my past self.

When and as I see myself excited for my future, I stop I breathe. I realize that day dreaming about my future with no connection to the reality of myself here is a recipe for disaster/inaction. I commit myself to start practically assessing what I am able to accomplish in the near future. I commit myself to stop believing I am great because my future imagined self is great. I commit myself to forming applicable plans within a regard for past, present and future realities of self.

When and as I see myself in a state of carefree present reality, I stop I breathe. I remember that my past self is my self structure, and that without attention to detail, I allow my past to create my future automatically. This causes time-loops of experiences and consequences where I create scenarios to see the reality of myself. Each time I enter a loop, I must wait before I will face myself in a moment of ability to live the change and transcend that pattern. I commit myself to identifying these moments when my past unwittingly creates my future. I commit myself to then write and forgive myself extensively such that I am prepared and ready to STOP the next time my momentous past self begins to bleed into the future. I commit myself to recognizing the totality of my past, here. In so doing, I no longer react within a patterned past self, but instead create my future with a comprehensive awareness of the consequences that may ensue.

When and as I see myself creating a consequential outflow in the present, I stop I breathe. I realize that my past characters are coming out to play. I commit myself to fully investigate the patterned personality, let it go with the gift of self-forgiveness, and qualify my self-change by taking note of similar events in my future and how I act/react.

I am here: past, present and future. To attempt to escape myself is futile and unnecessarily consequential. One self, through time, here. I commit myself to uniting my perception of and responsibility for myself in all moments.

pic credit

Day 299 - Doing one thing, Thinking about another

The concept of thinking about 'other' stuff when one is doing something else: it is a quandary. While enjoying the morning sunshine, I was thinking about this concept and amused by my meta-ness. I realized that this type of separation from the moment here is widespread and pervasive. I also made a connection to self-doubt: If I was confident that I can and would do all that I need to do when I'm doing it, I would have no impulse to figure out what to do in advance.

Elaborating with an example: Here I am. Thinking about the near future. Why? I don't trust my future self, I am uncomfortable with uncertainty, I am worried/anxious, and it can be a source of motivation for the initial movement from here.

These are the initial justifications that come up supporting separation. Lacking self-trust, relationship with uncertainty, anxious/worried, and practical motivation. It's interesting to look at it now and see all the different movements, whereas in the past when I've seen myself doing one thing and thinking another, I would just focus on that practical motivation justification and dismiss the investigation with "well I must think about what I'm doing next." I realize now that many of my wandering journeys into thought are brought into motion by deep seated personality dynamics that I've spent little to no time investigating. So if I don't want to be a particular personality that manifests from a subconscious layer, I must give myself the time to map that personality and discover the inner workings of it/me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the totality of myself behind a single justification and not realize it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to emphasize and stop at the contemplative solution that makes sense and requires no further effort or self-change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that I can't give up my daydreaming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I need to think about the future because if I do not, then I will do nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can accomplish what is already on my to do list, given that I have allowed myself enough time to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not trust myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am worried and anxious when I begin thinking about what I will do later on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the uncertainty I have of myself, my direction in the future, and what that implies: abdication of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need to know everything now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to know and control my future now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope I will do what I want to do, instead of realizing my responsibility to practically do that I want to do.

When and as I see myself justifying a personality or opinion that I have about myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that I may very well be missing something when I sense myself in fight/argument mode with myself. I commit myself to checking myself to see if I am emotionally invested in a contemplative solution, and if so, breathe and check myself again within self-honesty.

When and as I see myself thinking about what I have to do today from an anxious state of mind, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am here right now, and I will be able to appropriately direct myself within a task when the time comes. I commit myself to spending time with myself here in this moment, to face me in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself worried about my ability to accomplish the tasks of my future, I stop I breathe. I realize that to frantically try to walk all the steps of my future tasks in my head instead of enjoying my breakfast, for example, is a futile waste of energy. I commit myself to breathe myself back to the moment here, and take a practical stance to assess how I will need to structure my day / budget my time.

Each of these components will need to be minded. I commit myself to watching myself keenly when and as I see myself in thought in separation of the moment here. This is going to be an interesting sub-journey, as I've long thought it impossible to stop thinking / worrying about my immediate future. Challenge accepted. Game on. Come at me Mind! Show me what you're made of! :)

picture from here

Day 279 - Thumb Sucka

credit

Yesterday, I ended my post with a postscript as a note to self to go back and investigate the relationship between my nail biting habit and my early childhood thumb sucking habit. No time like the present.

Today, I was half aware and proactively examining my nail biting behavior while at the cinema. I did noticed that there was a factor of comfort that I haven't really been aware of in my past considerations of this habit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make the connection between my nail biting habit and my previous thumb sucking habit, never realizing that I maintaining the habit of comfort I received from this posture/behavior.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid that I have become orally fixated.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thinks that I will stop my nail biting habit sometime in the future, not realizing how placing a future date on self-change directs self-responsibility to change self away from here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to wait until I am more able to take on a point that I believe is too deeply ingrained for me to be able to effectively address now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I fear change and will make up nearly an excuse to avoid self-responsibility, here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to comfort myself within nail biting and not realize this as a reactive starting point to something I found makes me uncomfortable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not investigate what drives me to discomfort when and as I bite my fingernails.

When and as I see myself biting my nails, I stop I breathe, and I hold that in-breath for 4 counts. I realize my responsibility of self-direction in that moment. I commit myself to understanding that I will only ever break this habit through applied self-will in every moment.

When and as I see myself overwhelmed with a sense that I cannot take on such a deep seated point as nail biting or thumb sucking, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am the only person who can take on any points I discover within myself. I also realize that I am the one allowing myself to fear/resist self-change. I commit myself to identifying and breathing through the self-change fear as an experience of resistance.

When and as I see myself feeling fidgety with a desire to chew on my nails or surrounding skin, I stop I breathe. I realize that if I really breathe through this desire, I will prevent myself from entering another nail biting timeloop. I commit myself to repeatedly act within this principle of awareness of self, as who self is as thought, word and deed. As I practice applying my breath awareness, I become increasingly self-directive within and as my breath. I commit myself to stop allowing myself to bite my nails through suppressing my self, my will, my life, my decision to live and understand my automation so that I may walk the correction in moving myself into alignment with what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time biting my nails.

To Be Continued

Day 157 - Shallow layout of pertinent points

So far, in this process of daily blogging for self-realization, I've been really getting to know myself. There is still more to discover, but I need to get serious and really start digging into all of the points I've opened up thus far. This post will serve to re-map and recap the most pertinent points of what I'm presently facing and give my self direction for the coming new year, which is not going to bring anything new without my doing. I'm not going to be one of those folks who waits/hopes for change in their lives. Process is proactive.

Rant to self:

I'm sick of biting my nails. Every thought participation that allows finger-to-mouth chewing action = many many. So, to start recording them and organizing them is a feat that easily moves me into overwhelmed --> shut down, don't try. Typical thought design is placing myself in a future/imagined event, so that I can protect myself against the opposition within my internal conversation with others. That's just one and it's extensive in itself. I say to me, it is important to not get discouraged by the up-play of who I am in action. This is me the nail biter, feeding my survival through the apparent impossibility of stopping the addiction to my nail biting. I commit myself to realizing how I can stop this habit effectively through discovering each related point of entry.*

Delay. I like to play an easy video game, like I see my mom doing at times within the same avoidance pattern. My dad is always working, and now I see me blaming my parents for who I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents and justify my behavior and who I am through observing how similar I am to them. *Went for a nail bite with the thought of others/them reading this during the phrasing of the last part of the SF statement (after pausing on 'through').

Another pertinent delay point is related to above where I have a feeling of just writing it down -> then worry that I will not get around to going back to the point to address it (even if I tag this post accurately) -> based on past behavior. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be stuck in self-discovery mode without effectively applying myself to in transferring my self-findings into self-action through SF and corrective living statements of my new self-created law of self. I commit myself to really working through delay so I can free myself from this one dimension of of excuse related to "I don't have enough time to do it all." <-- more to this than delay. Check it out..

Procrastination. Same as delay though slightly different take on it. It is how I allow myself to delay. If I have enough time to rush this post (as I am, for example) before going out to socialize...I will. I don't will myself. I let time push me. It's a pattern that' I've been aware of for a long time and even started writing about it in this JTL Blog on Day 2. Get it together. Not to discredit all accomplishment so far. I am better than I was, but there is still less than 100% self-honest self-direction in every moment of every day. Do work Dan.

Money. I need to make money. I need to make a career for myself. How can I do both? A lot of work is required. No time to waste. 2013 is going to be fascinatingly productive for me, unless I fail hard. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing myself within the application of directing myself to learn and create my future. Law...not the original plan, but I like the stability and prestige. Creative works are not as certain, and stability is most of all important. If I try to leap from cracking ice on a pond, I'm less likely to be successful than leaping from a concrete foundation. Focus on personal foundation to create breathing room and launch successful ventures.

That's it for now. To be continued, as always. Desteni I Process is the most useful self-help course on the planet. Check out the Lite version if you don't believe me. Thanks to all those who really care about all life...which could easily be everyone...ego/minds suck.

Day 150 - Responsibility of the Future

As 2012 December 21st comes to pass, I am in the middle of determining my future. So, this post is not going to emphasize today's date as more significant than I make it. I realize that I am the creator of my conscious orientation to events like today, or really any over-spiritualized point. In fact, no special happening of 2012 will produce real change for us. I accept the responsibility for my future. Who I am then, is born today. And it's this realization that's going to carry me into the future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay the creation of my future within fear of loss.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow my mind to direct my use of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize I am one with my future, here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to break continuity of time by participating within my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my self to be great or special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing my destiny.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself as the creator of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to passively live life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be untrue to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from reality through pleasure seeking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself as a proactive solution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize myself within each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not direct myself within each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be still/inert as I sit back and allow energy to direct me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire the "easy life."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse money to stay high and separate from reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see how much responsibility I can take on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having too much responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having power.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate fear with power and responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fears.

When and as I see myself wasting time, I stop I breathe. I realize I am in an energy flow.

I commit myself to re-aligning my actions with common sense and what's best for all.

When and as I see myself getting overwhelmed by my future, I stop I breathe.

I realize that this is not an effective, practical decision to direct myself within what's best for all.

I commit myself to participating in energy with awareness and agreement only.

When and as I realize that I am in an energy flow without my agreement, I stop I breathe.

I realize that here is a pattern/habit that I've programmed within me directly or by reaction-allowance.

I commit myself to deconstruct these patterns through writing and self-forgiveness so that I my birth a new rule of self within corrective living statements.

When and as I see myself afraid of the future, I stop  I breathe. I realize that I create this fear.

I commit myself to pushing through resistance and facing each source point of fear within me.

When and as I see myself missing the point of oneness and equality through abdicating my responsibility to producing real change for myself and others as me, I stop and take a breath. I realize I am you.

I commit myself to walking with you as an equal in supporting ALL toward the best possible outcome.

Thank you all.

Let's get together and produce real best for all outcomes. The world didn't end, so why not begin to make it an awesome place to be born for all life here?

Join us on the forums at desteni.org

Contribute to the global solution with your two cents at equalmoney.org

My Future is Your Future is Our Future. Become a global citizen.

Everyone's doing it!

Until peace for all, it's time to do work.

Day 119 - Imagined Futures of Grandeur

Photo from flickr

Today I re-realized a long running pattern of thought-separation. I place myself in imaged futures of grandeur and hardly ever make efforts to manifest them. Having many imagined possible futures for myself without any real commitment, I call being 'overly ambitious'. There is a very positive feeling association when I imagine myself in a possible future where I am a successful, big shot in whatever field I'm think of in that moment; however, within this head play I never take the time to imagine how I will get there or which practical steps to take. This point was briefly opened up on Day 13 - Relationship with Future Self, where I address

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself by imagining many future selves and thinking that I could be all or many of them, without taking any responsibility for creating myself in alignment to these visions.

I commit myself to begin practically directing my thoughts to prioritize which steps I'll be taking towards which goals. I realize that I have many goals, and to narrow and focus which ones I actually want to pursue will be a process, and by giving myself the time and patience, I will be able to direct myself more effectively than continually allowing thoughts to just rush around in my head. Choosing which passions to pursue is a seemingly dreadful task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought/feeling that focusing my life path is dreadful or scary. I realize that my mind makes up this feeling-orientation, and it only stands as an obstacle or procrastination excuse.

I commit myself to living my physical self-direction, to stop the thought storm, and get to work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize, or understand that I am not these future projections of myself, and also underestimate the actual effort of physically walking toward accomplishing these great goals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am these future projections without having to do any of the work, and so by participating in the imagination in this way, I am removing myself from the realization that I must work to achieve.

I commit myself to stop amplifying the image of myself and my ability in separation from who I am in actuality, here, breathing, doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a dreamer in separation from a doer.

I commit myself to doing my dreams, and stopping the lofty ideals as potential, great accomplishments.

When and as I see myself becoming overwhelmed with the thoughts of life directions and future selves, I stop  I breathe. I realize that to stop separating myself from the million future selves / possible career paths, I must walk within a practical application. My life direction will unfold with me through this process of self-discovery. The more I write, the more clarity I will gain within myself, and I commit myself to the steadfast application of forgiveness of self to quiet the ambition storm.