Day 273 - Success and Failure pt.9

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Continuing with:
Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction
Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4 - Components of Resistance
Day 269 - Success and Failure pt.5 - The Critical Moment
Day 270 - Success and Failure pt.6 - The Direction Question
Day 271 - Success and Failure pt.7 - Externalized Directive
Day 272 - Success and Failure pt.8 - The Problem with Mind-Self Separation

Failure Character

You see what I did there? Today is the first time I put a title ^ and from now on, I'm going to only not name my blog in the beginning with intention. This way I am either direct and focused on my writing point, or I am directing an exploration of myself through writing. Now, I wish to speak on a point that has held me back from expanding myself soooooo many times. It's one of those things that's shameful in retrospect and "if I could go back in time, I'd tell myself..."  SO, my solution here is to acknowledge this habit and forgive it. I will also begin applying the living correction, but there's an interesting dynamic at play in this.

When I commit to live the change that I have written about, and fail, my past tendency had been to retreat and isolate myself into myself. Like a very real, lived suppression, I hide inside of myself. It's some ass backwards self-protection mechanism that I picked up some where along the way. This is no longer allowed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure, create failure and to within failure, react to failure by suppressing myself into an alternate mind reality where I believe I am safer than if I am present within the physical space-time reality moment of here. In this, I realize now that I've been compounding the fear of failure by reacting to it within fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to failure within fear, not realizing that I'm completely entranced within circular fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the extent to which I was compromising myself in a downward spiral of manifesting fear, when and as I perceive failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define failure according to something that is bad and needs to be avoided, run from, hidden from, within this allowing myself to react to failure by going into a mental, ego protection stance within myself. I've never before been directly aware of how/why I feared failure. It sure is nice to dig it up and face it!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing myself within not being able to uphold my commitments to myself such that when I do failure, I react instead of standing back up to resiliently persist.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall and retreat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stand up and press forward with failure perceived as a supportive lesson to take with me.

Ahh, that is the key. My perception of failure needs to be gradually shifted and practiced like anything else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will fail in applying what I have learned about my fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my backdoor, encryption programs that exist to ensure I do not change and realize my power to move myself one and equal within and as a directive principle.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I've been holding myself back by fearing to face my fear. It's a simple encryption when I see it, but it's rather effective when I'm in it.

When and as I see myself within a cyclical experience of fear of failure, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not here, directing the situation effectively. I commit myself to remembering who I am with my breath, to stand up, and chose to move/speak within common sense.

When and as I see myself fearing my inability to produce practical, living change of myself, I stop I breathe. I now recognize how this 2 bit encryption (fearing fear) is me actually creating the conditions for failing and so compounding failure repetitively. I commit myself to seriously confronting fear when and as I experience myself within a fear fit. If that fails, I commit myself to reflect on the incident at the end of the day and speak self forgiveness aloud.

When and as I see myself brushing off failure, suppressing fear, I stop I breathe. I realize that my ego does not want to own up to fear. I commit myself to taking responsibility for the fear, as one and equal with me, the creator.

When and as I see myself directed by fear of failure, I stop I breathe. Too many times have I turned and went the other way because I did not have the courage to risk failing. I commit myself to shifting my perspective of failure such that I am willing to fail in front of the whole world. Why? Because I know I will keep trying until I succeed. With each failure, I have the opportunity to pick myself back up and continue, knowing how not to fail the same way. And if I do fail the same way twice, three times or more, I commit myself to investigate that point, and not allow myself to define myself with the failure, rather define myself by how I choose to react to failure. If I fail to change within failure, I realize I have as many times as I personally require to live the change. This is my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others in such a way that I amplify my fear of failure. Dang, there's a whole different dimension to fear of failure. Will explore in posts to come. For now, I will continue with the last point I wish to address in this Success and Failure series. The key to success. Join tomorrow to read my solution of...