Day 268 - Success and Failure pt.4

Continuing with:

Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1 - Imagination Dimension of Success
Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2 - Opening Resistance to Success
Day 267 - Success and Failure pt.3 - Spiraling Distraction

Today, I wrote an expansion on the components of resistance within my personal experience of it. The primary points I dug up are: Elusive, Justified & Uncomfortable. The order that they came up was interesting.

I find it hard to place myself within the awareness of myself when moving within an experience of resistance. As if I'm so quickly suppressing it that I can hardly even notice it. This is the first and most prominent layer.

Second layer is when I am aware of the resistance. Here, I allow myself to quickly find a way to be okay with my giving into the resistance -> desire outlet. In this, I know that I am not considering everything because I am having an internal fight with a bias for the excuse so that I so not have to face the resistance energy.

When the distraction excuses are not very good, I turn to face the point of resistance and this moment is quite uncomfortable. Here, I can see my mind race back to the 2nd layer, frantically looking for an excuse. This design is often why I find myself biting my nails or munching on candy. Perhaps the best excuse to not do work is related to social life.

This point of placing importance on the social scene deserves a lot of attention, but for right now, I'm just going to describe my related realization. Socializing is quite a positive experience for me. Fun with others is a positive experience that I prefer to doing hard work, obviously.

So, my realization of what needs to be done is to stop allowing myself to be recklessly thrown from negative experience into positive experience. How?

The first ideas to mind are:
  • to firstly bring awareness to these moments
    • by writing and applying realizations
  • to expand my perspective of what's at stake, what the whole picture is, what are the consequences
    • by slowing down & catching my breath
  • to break down the relationships of +/- definitions toward
    • hard work
    • & the many desirable distractions
I've been doing the first point for a while now, and my awareness is slowly expanding; however, I have not been proactively living the change that needs to happen. The living application still needs work. I will best be able to apply my responsibility to myself through developing the relationship with my breathing.

The third point is a biggy! There are many +/- relationships that I've formed to numerous objects and experiences of particular situations. One bite at a time Dan.

For now, I'm going to leave this and attend a social event :)

Tomorrow I'll continue after further expansion to yield specific self-forgiveness statements and livable commitments to myself. What can I agree on with myself in relation to handling my experience of resistance?..