Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1
Yesterday I forgave myself for living within a projected dream reality of myself as successful. I had realized that I've been holding myself back from achieving success in the real, physical reality by existing in the glorious realm of ego and imagination. Furthermore, I'm now realizing how desire is a barrier to success. How? Why?
When I self-honestly take a look at what's behind the desire, I'm suppressing facing myself in reality. The uncomfortable nature of resisting facing reality becomes enough to cave and cascade into desirable distractions such as chowing down on some delicious candy pieces, grooving to music videos on youtube or playing cheap video games that call for my attention pretending to be something that matters. These two points could warrant their own blog posts, but what matters, what really counts here, is doing what it takes to change my behavior.
Being thorough with exploring my motivations really helps in the writing process. It opens up my ability to understand myself and really, I mean really, self-intimately, forgive myself for allowing myself to exist within and as such a program. At that point of release, I open a door for myself to change my behavior which is the whole point of process. The commitment statements are the forging of the new program that I am creating for myself, except this time, I'm not doing it as an automated reaction. This time, I am the directive principle creating myself in alignment with what is best for myself and all others, equal and one.
Today, I commit myself to ending the abuse of my time. I realize that I can take breaks and enjoy life, but to be irresponsible and suppress reality with abusive consumption is no longer accepted or allowed. This is my life and despite the resistance I experience toward doing hard work, I commit myself to drive myself through it all and live here, in the moment to moment awareness of life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize or understand the self-compromise and imminent consequence that accumulate through abdicating my responsibility to direct myself within the common sense of each moment in self-honesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress who I am in relation to how I am spending my time through moving into distractions that are of fleeting enjoyment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate who I am within one breath, what I can accomplish within one breath, how I can change within one breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility of self-direction and give into the persuasive forces of the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to empower the feeling of resistance through allowing it to expand and develop while I participate in it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am the creator of the resistance energy, and that if I allow it to direct me it, I've given myself to the resistance program. The program of resistance being a feeling of discomfort when facing certain moments of reality that I have told myself I don't like doing (i.e. working hard), followed by alleviating that discomfort through suppression/distraction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'hard work' within the parameters of the resistance program, when the reality is that I rather quite enjoy myself while working hard to achieve success.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself through the design of resistance -> desirable distraction -> compounding consequence.
When and as I see myself moving into a time sink (distraction) with little to no consideration of time management, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am habitually allowing myself to suppress resistance to maintain a positive experience of self without investigating why I feel resistance in the first place. I commit myself to breathe through resistance, and to continually do this until this becomes the new habit.
...letting that one sink in...overnight
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am the creator of the resistance energy, and that if I allow it to direct me it, I've given myself to the resistance program. The program of resistance being a feeling of discomfort when facing certain moments of reality that I have told myself I don't like doing (i.e. working hard), followed by alleviating that discomfort through suppression/distraction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'hard work' within the parameters of the resistance program, when the reality is that I rather quite enjoy myself while working hard to achieve success.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself through the design of resistance -> desirable distraction -> compounding consequence.
When and as I see myself moving into a time sink (distraction) with little to no consideration of time management, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am habitually allowing myself to suppress resistance to maintain a positive experience of self without investigating why I feel resistance in the first place. I commit myself to breathe through resistance, and to continually do this until this becomes the new habit.
...letting that one sink in...overnight
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