Day 424 - Disregarding Time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay up really late into the night.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be self-honest about the consequences of staying up till the wee hours of the morning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can get away with very little sleep, when the reality is that I will sleep longer into the coming day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay my daily blog until the end of the day, and then feel bad when I don't or can't finish it by midnight.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to squander the extra time I have each day from sleeping less than the average person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore when my body is telling me to go to sleep.

-- and the real issue here --

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to watch back-to-back episodes on netflix in total disregard of time, and not see, realize or understand the direct consequences of disregarding time.

--

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing auto-play to so easily propel me into the next episode, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I am making a decision here, and auto-play is not to blame. I commit myself to decide beforehand - how much time I want to spend watching television before I begin.

When and as I see myself staying up late into the night, I stop, I breathe. I remember to check myself, honestly, to consider if what I want to stay up late doing, is worth the trade off of time I'd otherwise have in the morning. I commit myself to considering my hours in the day within equity.

When and as I see myself believing I am special in my ability to stay up late and wake up early, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I'm not special, as many others sleep even less than I do. Within that, I realize that I'm limiting my potential by making myself special through comparison. I commit myself to apply the tool of humility and access the awareness of incredible potential of each hour, of every day.

Until next time...

Day 319 - Time flying by

I've been in a mini rut. haven't blogged for two days. First day, I had agreed with myself that I do not want to write the blog on this night. I was tired and unwilling to pump out a mediocre post for some external sake. I realize that this blog is written by me for me. Yes, other's may read it, and maybe people of the future will be reading this in the internet archives. The potential of someone relating to my process is the only reason I write this Journey to Life publicly...I often forget that. I tend to wait until the end of the day, out of habit of doing work for a reason outside of myself, some reason other than effective self support. Dan, me, I am here to realize the nature and design of myself that I've created, accepted and allowed. Why, so I can walk the self-forgiveness process and release mental charges that keep me in polarized experience, keep me out of my breath. To reside in the moment here, within my body, instead of within a mind domain that is elsewhere, taking breath and life for granted. Distracted or preoccupied. No time for self to support self.

This is not okay. The world is on a path to WW3. There's a storm of jobless people coming, and I'm sitting in my parents house resisting my individual process with whatever excuse seems valid in a moment. There are over 30,000 deaths today from hunger alone according to http://www.worldometers.info/ (Thanks for the source Garbrielle's blog!). Time is not a luxury for everyone.

I am educated. I have heard the desteni message, and I understand the solution = my participation. With out me, how can I expect anyone to do anything. I have no excuse to not live as the solution. I realize this, yet I still allow myself to abuse time. Not acceptable.

The second day I chose to skip my writing was due to me delaying and delaying until there was not enough time to write a quality post. When I take this out of the context of time and external responsibility, it looks like I am just not willing to do what I need to be done.

I have a responsibility that is expanding as I walk my individual process. Once I clear my head, I will then be best able to support others and fulfill my equal and one role of participating as the solution. One life. One world. One problem...the mental conditioning that keeps us looping in distractions and excuses, drastically limiting our potential as the One solution.

I've recently been reading a book that was gifted to me called The ONE Thing. The key idea is that successful people have just one thing to do. By focusing on just one thing at a time, we can accumulate our accomplishment and be successful in whatever we set our minds to. A large amount of the human race is racing for money alone. Some others have made a girl/guy their one thing. Others, a sports team. For me, my one thing is the world. That's a huge one thing, and I've allowed myself to get bogged down and overwhelmed by it all.

This is no joking matter. This is the one thing holding me back right now. I need to start taking myself more seriously. How I spend each moment is a choice: Do I react within a preprogrammed set of rules within my consciousness, OR do I breathe and consider the self-honesty of myself? Will I allow the feeling to be my excuse for why I can't do it, OR will I stand and direct myself to do what is best? So simple. The faster I figure this out, the less I'll be kicking myself in the butt.

Time is flying by as I watch from the perspective of a consciousness initiated time-loop.
-- OR --
Time is where I am. Time is timeless. Time is who I am. There is only one Time, here.

I commit myself to get back into effective self-supportive writing, on the daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of my one purpose, living true compassion for life. As a global-social entrepreneur.


I commit myself to the ONE thing that matters most: educating myself into becoming a living solution.

Day 309 - Time Management

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be passive when it comes to time management.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be paranoid about not having enough time to accomplish everything I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that I had more time.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize the oneness and equality of myself as the only solution to effective time management

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for wasting my time, and in this creating a negative charge on being social.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate responsibilities through social justifications so that I can confirm my belief that others are the reason why I have difficulty with time management.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from this moment here, not realizing the capacity of my creative potential in every here-moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disrespect myself and cheat myself out of opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeatedly allow vague justifications that are coupled with a temporary alleviation of the resistance energy-feeling experienced when facing a responsibility/work task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in a moment here, forget the net sum of all that I want to do.

In one week, I'll report use changes.

I commit myself to writing out all my goals. I will do this in two forms, one of which had been missing, the other, inconsistent. The missing one is a list of general to-do that is not time/day specific. The inconsistent one is my day-specific task lists. This one is typically too idealized (not practical) or it is empty. On rare occasions it is completed, and it feels good.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good / bad according to my efficacy levels with regards to completing my daily task list, not realizing how I am removing myself from simplicity of utilizing this tool to practically and effectively manage my time.

I commit myself to continue utilizing this daily task list in a way that effectively assists and supports me to accomplish tasks.

When and as I see myself not using or not completing my daily tasks, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am able to slow down and consider why I am not using this tool effectively. I commit myself to support myself through the effective use of written time management tools.

The stream of to-do that isn't adhered to a specific time will be experimental. The idea is to write down everything to provide a sense of what I could, should, and need to be doing, and as I examine the list, I can place tasks and sub-tasks into my daily planner.

Another point I'd just come to realize the significance of is task to time frame planning. In the past I've only scheduled in written times when I had appointments. I haven't ever blocked of a specific hour for specific self-directed tasks, other than this blog - which typically defaults to the last hour of the day because of reasons/motivations I haven't fully come to terms with.

When and as I see myself wandering aimlessly through time, either via personal delay or social justification, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have the ability to direct myself effectively in the context of all. I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to see, realize and understand the bigger picture so that I am able to give context to my efforts, and lack thereof. This is to be accomplished in part by writing my objectives. This will expand, evolve and be refined as I practice. Effective time management is a critical key of success.

Support what is best for self and all.

Write, practice, perfect.

Day 301 - For Real Though, Go to Bed

Last night didn't go so well. It's like I directly disobeyed myself from the perspective of my post yesterday. Given, I had a 90 minute evening nap that kind of messed up my tiredness schedule. I'm not going to beat myself up, AND I'm also not going to suppress the whole thing. That's been a favorite coping mechanism of mine when I've failed in making a self-change in some of my earlier JTL posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress failure.

I didn't get to bed last night until after watching a few episodes of NBC's Revolution, and reading a bit until I  got too sleepy and had to go to bed. This routine of not attempting to sleep until I am sleepy is how I believed myself to be 'good' at falling asleep. The issue isn't really that I can't sleep unless I'm sleepy. The issue is that I misuse my time. In turn, abuse of time results in awkward sleeping patterns.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be able to sleep when I am not tired.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am flawed because I cannot sleep at will.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse time in such a way that my following day is compromised.

Today, when I woke up I was tired but wanted to have a productive day. I resorted to taking a cognitive enhancer commonly known as adderall. I've experimented with this only a few times before in college. I was always weary of it because I didn't want to become reliant on it. Still now, I see myself fearing inability to deal with and face my own mentally created resistance to focused application of myself in doing work. It's not a simple correction...from the perspective of the resistance that is me. From the perspective that is the life that is me, I don't get tired except by design. There's no reason I can't focus on something, unless I allow myself to sway in the mental tides of attention. Thus,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am susceptible to and a helpless victim of the feeling of lethargy. This is when I feel tired, clouded, distracted, or not having enough energy. I realize that my attention is only defined by an energy fluctuation when I allow it to be. I also realize, that I am not going to get a solid grip on ALL of my mental movements (in the form of backchat or thoughts that create these lethargic feelings) overnight; however, I am able to take on one point at a time. I commit myself to walking through one point of self-change at a time, to completion. This specifically entails I do not slip up where I have made a correction and then suppress it and keep going, no. This means that I do not fall without reconsidering my relationship to each relevant point through the writing process. (Meta Alert) This blog is a great example.

I commit myself to begin walking my day more effectively, instead of delaying everything until the last minute, which really turns into not getting things done. Accomplishment 101: Do work, either now or during a reasonable time frame AS AN AGREEMENT WITH SELF. I commit myself to begin assisting and supporting myself with scheduling agreements that are intimately serious and practical.

Recap of working points:
- Go to bed within a mental state of completion, meaning, to have all my affairs in order and prepared for a lively tomorrow. "Prevention is the best cure," they say. I say they're right, and I'm done waking up with no orientation to the work/tasks of the day.
- Sleep when tired, but do not delay sleep.
- Watch fluctuation of attention, and write out the backchat that empowers the resistance feelings and is used to justify a lack of self-direction.

My sleep character is now in my sights. Remember to write out the thoughts that pertain to some aspect of "I can't (stay focused)." This is all me. I take responsibility. And I'm going to press through resistance until resistance realizes that it can't mess with me anymore.

For now, goodnight.

 pic credit

Day 266 - Success and Failure pt.2

Continuing with:

Day 264 - Success vs Projected Success
Day 265 - Success and Failure pt.1

Yesterday I forgave myself for living within a projected dream reality of myself as successful. I had realized that I've been holding myself back from achieving success in the real, physical reality by existing in the glorious realm of ego and imagination. Furthermore, I'm now realizing how desire is a barrier to success. How? Why?

When I self-honestly take a look at what's behind the desire, I'm suppressing facing myself in reality. The uncomfortable nature of resisting facing reality becomes enough to cave and cascade into desirable distractions such as chowing down on some delicious candy pieces, grooving to music videos on youtube or playing cheap video games that call for my attention pretending to be something that matters. These two points could warrant their own blog posts, but what matters, what really counts here, is doing what it takes to change my behavior.

Being thorough with exploring my motivations really helps in the writing process. It opens up my ability to understand myself and really, I mean really, self-intimately, forgive myself for allowing myself to exist within and as such a program. At that point of release, I open a door for myself to change my behavior which is the whole point of process. The commitment statements are the forging of the new program that I am creating for myself, except this time, I'm not doing it as an automated reaction. This time, I am the directive principle creating myself in alignment with what is best for myself and all others, equal and one.

Today, I commit myself to ending the abuse of my time. I realize that I can take breaks and enjoy life, but to be irresponsible and suppress reality with abusive consumption is no longer accepted or allowed. This is my life and despite the resistance I experience toward doing hard work, I commit myself to drive myself through it all and live here, in the moment to moment awareness of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize or understand the self-compromise and imminent consequence that accumulate through abdicating my responsibility to direct myself within the common sense of each moment in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress who I am in relation to how I am spending my time through moving into distractions that are of fleeting enjoyment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to underestimate who I am within one breath, what I can accomplish within one breath, how I can change within one breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my responsibility of self-direction and give into the persuasive forces of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to empower the feeling of resistance through allowing it to expand and develop while I participate in it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am the creator of the resistance energy, and that if I allow it to direct me it, I've given myself to the resistance program. The program of resistance being a feeling of discomfort when facing certain moments of reality that I have told myself I don't like doing (i.e. working hard), followed by alleviating that discomfort through suppression/distraction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define 'hard work' within the parameters of the resistance program, when the reality is that I rather quite enjoy myself while working hard to achieve success.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself through the design of resistance -> desirable distraction -> compounding consequence.

When and as I see myself moving into a time sink (distraction) with little to no consideration of time management, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am habitually allowing myself to suppress resistance to maintain a positive experience of self without investigating why I feel resistance in the first place. I commit myself to breathe through resistance, and to continually do this until this becomes the new habit.

...letting that one sink in...overnight

Picture credit

Day 142 - '"I got time to delay"

This blog could have happened earlier in the day...also could have happened later, so there is change happening. It didn't happen earlier in the day for the reason that this post is laying out: "I have time to do it later."

So, I have nice little serious going on here that started on Day 140, where I'm delaying responsibilities for various reasons. Responsibilities are defined as anything that necessarily supports me to be stable. Chasing an energetic experience is not being responsible with self, self in relation to self and others. So, avoiding my responsibility to self, like my responsibility to be self-honest within "Am I supporting what's best for me AND ALL, or am I letting this energy direct me into what's apparently in my self-interest, where I allow me to compromise self as all as me. And that's kinda of a big thing. Like, I imagine myself to be all, and if I am directing myself, I have a lot of work to do. Many atrocities in the world to be corrected, and those as me, mean I can correct the problem by aligning with best-for-all.

So it comes down to best-for-all or not, and accidentally wasting a whole day playing video games because I thought I had enough time to eventually get to my responsibilities, is self-compromise. Now, in this case, I did get around to typing this entry before 11pm, but had I finished it in the morning with a simple "No" to the impulse to play video games for that "feel-goodness" of winning...that's another point....had I finished it, I could be doing more work until I go to sleep, ideally. Agreeing with myself to play an hour of video games is chill, but I'm being dishonest with myself when I sit down to play, because I'm avoiding/resisting letting go. Of what?

Today, I allowed myself to play video game in the early part of the day in part because I knew that I intend to writing this point through self-forgiveness today. Self-forgiveness is scary like that, like looking into a black hole as the end of a particular characteristic of myself. "I don't want to never play video games again in the mornings. Could I even do that? It's too hard." But as I work with the writing to get my thoughts out (like I've been doing this whole time, flowing), I end up writing more than I want, but it's out. I can take a breath and see myself right here in my words. For instance, this whole entry so far is all thoughts that take time to think, and by typing them out, they're all here at once. This whole point and the related thoughts are here in one stream of expression (I can't wait to get over what ever fears are stopping me from vlogging!) So, getting my thoughts physicalized is really supportive because now I can work with self-forgiveness and corrective application to produce real change of self, utilizing self-honesty to see when I fall (i.e. fall into self-judgement = not supportive of self/all)

Also, I wanted to mention that even as I sat down to write this out, i used a candy bar to delay facing the point for just a bit longer :)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I am compromising self/other/all by moving with the energy of resistance into delay, instead of me directing me to do as I please, which is assuredly what's best for all, which is currently effectively supporting self towards stability for the end result of standing as effective support for all.

...haha, 2-3 hours later, I am back at the computer typing this. This is a case of resistance through this point that I'm facing in writing. I want to be done with delay and jump-start a superman work ethic. This want is contradictory to my past behavior, and is creating mental friction (a.k.a. Cognitive Dissonance, as I define as behavior inconsistent with beliefs about behavior, like smoking cigarettes and believing you shouldn't) that I believe is fueling my related thoughts of fear and self-judgement. So, I'm going to keep at this as to not let my fear of failure direct me away from being effective.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failing within addressing my delay points and allowing delay to ensue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify procrastinating because I have enough time to also get done what I intend to get done, missing how this is causing me to produce less in general.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist writing about delay within and as the fear of the end, as the end of procrastination and so half-purposefully allowed myself to procrastinate as it being my last chance to freely indulge in reckless delay.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face myself within work by positively charging the delay behavior outlets. (to be expanded on in blogs to follow)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the consequences of delaying a responsibility/task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delay because "I can."

When and as I see myself moving into allowed delay because I think I have enough time to do so, I stop I breathe. I realize that there is always more I could be doing, so any form of delay is compromising my work output when the whole picture is taken into consideration. I commit myself to taking a moment to consider ALL the consequences of delaying the task in mind, such as a relative productivity assessment between working hard first, playing later vs. carelessly playing first, and later working too hard (to produce less quality work).

I commit myself to realizing how I allow myself to compromise myself within delay. I commit myself to not judge myself and further compromise my work ethic. I commit myself to standing within my corrective application statements, equal and one.

I commit myself to delay within common sense and self-honesty ONLY.

When and as I see myself allowing a decision of delay to direct me, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is a mind energy and that if investigated I may be able to specifically locate the resistance and release the fear program with self-forgiveness. I commit myself to be serious with myself. I commit myself to be true to myself. I commit myself to effectively addressing one point at a time, so that I do not get overwhelmed and move into delay.

I commit myself to returning the directive power of myself to myself, in part by longer accepting deceptive time concepts to allow the system of delay to run rampant.

Related articles

• Day 140 - Delay Point Expounded
• Day 141 - Establishing Self-Leadership

photo from flickr