Continuing with the first delay point from Day 140.
This character that I'm about to open up is one that I've largely been unconscious of and has been basically active since birth. My mother has been my primary leader for my whole life, and I haven't yet established myself as the primary reality creator of my world. Haha, kind of a big point, but then again, most of them are, or seem to be.
This character pattern has come to my attention because I've been back in my home environment after college, and there is a tendency to allow my mother to still create the vibe of my day, as her tendency is to continue to do so. Interestingly, when my dad is home from work, he still keeps his work ethic in motion and I find myself to be more productive around the home in helping him out. I generally match his efforts in contributing the household chores and whatnot. And in college, I also went with the flow of social life, only taking care of my responsibilities when I absolutely had to. Interesting realization, I must proclaim.
Initially, my perception was how the environment stimulated me differently, and I liked how life was "faster" with more to do and more being done in my college setting. What I didn't see within holding that perception is how I am blaming my environment for my lifestyle choices. It eerily seems like I've never really been making lifestyle choices and more just going with the flow of my fears and desires in different social contexts. This pre-determination flow is the mainstream argument against free-will. The desteni material suggests that when we become the directive principle of our lives, one with the physical, we can change our pre-determined destiny, and yet there still is no 'free-will'...but I won't get into that now :)
Here, my goal is to unravel how/why I've been abdicating the responsibility of self-leadership. The whole point of this blog and the Desteni I Process is to establish self-honesty and the effective leadership of self. So, this primal resistance of delay within my day-to-day living shall be one of the first serious habitual processes to go. And so I write:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I've abdicated my responsibility of self-leadership through continuing the childhood existence-orientation of being guided by others/mother/external factors.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the external forces for my day-to-day living/existence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to so easily move into delay/procrastination and not realize the consequence compromising self within the total picture of daily productivity.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize other's actions/inaction to justify or excuse my (lack of) self-direction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others as being lazy/unproductive instead of realizing myself within the solution of self-direction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that self-direction is too difficult or undesirable and stopping there, instead of simply writing about any resistance that I experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that in writing about my resistances, I am directing myself through self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to stand as the solution within actualized realizations.
When and as I see myself moving into to delay because others in my environment are in delay, I stop I breathe. I realize that is process of establishing self-leadership requires that I lead myself and that in allowing the energy of others to direct me, I am abdicating the responsibility towards self and others as one.
I commit myself to stop allowing external forces to dictate and determine my energy, attitude and work ethic.
I commit myself to no longer justify or excuse my decisions on the basis that "if others are doing it, so can I."
I commit myself to becoming acquainted with the stability of self, here, within the physical, and no longer allowing the energy of my environment to determine who I am in relation.
I commit myself to continue to push through resistances through writing about them as this has already proven to be effective, and the alternative of allowing the resistance energy to direct me has consistently proven to be an ineffective submission experience.
I commit myself to stopping the judgement of self and others being lazy by standing within this point and effective directing it.
I commit myself to show others, by example, that effective self-leadership is possible.
If you would like to begin supporting yourself in becoming the directive principle of your world, I highly recommend starting by learning the structure of effective self-freedom writing here: