Day 145 - Fear of losing ______.


As I'm working through my DIP course material I come across a rather intriguing statement:

     Fear of loss is the origin of our nature.

And I contemplated on it for a bit, which lead to me physically writing down whatever came to mind that I feared losing. And while I've been walking the point of delay, yesterday I noticed a trend of going into the particular delay pattern that I was about to write about. In self-honesty, I see that I was doing this from a starting point of fear of loss. I feared that I would no longer be able to freely and easily waste my time in whatever particular way that I was about to address within my public blog.

The fact is: if I'm not stable within my daily writing application, I must investigate. Reason being that instability is ineffective. The nail biting point was "cleared" through 3 days of writing back on Day 16, and because I had so many layers and so much time contributing to this habit, I fell. I am still a nail biter...and what's worse, I've been suppressing/ignoring/hiding it. Not wanting to face the point again because of fear that I will again fail. And if I fail again, I will continue to lose faith in myself to be able to effectively change myself within the writing of self-forgiveness and corrective application.

I now see, realize, and understand that I am creating all of these fears, and the fears, as me, create.

My priority is to determine when, where and how I am resisting self-honesty. These are excellent launch points for my daily blogging. So, I'll continue working with the delay point as it pops up, but now it's getting more serious. I can't just rush through all the dimensions of my delay tendencies. To be self-honest is not letting anything slide, and so I need to be thorough within my self-forgiveness and corrective application writings. And so that's what I'll do.

I'll be writing specific self-forgiveness in relation to what I've realized today within going into the point that I have decided to write about and "clear" because I want to say 'goodbye' to it, out of fear of losing it within directing myself in self-change. It's a significant point related to self-honesty.

For now, I'll share my initial list of what I fear loosing,
as written:
- Money
- Car
- Life
- Friends
- Family
- Brother
- sex
- ability
- physical integrity
- smarts
- balance
- opportunity *
- coolness
- sanity
- in a game
- superiority
- living stability
- time
- status
- credibility
- cats
- energy
- positivity
- hope
- connection
- fingernail!

Surely there are more. The biggest one is opportunity (hence *), as it leaves me petrified in indecision because I want to keep as many doors open as possible. Note, loss of fingernail as starting point of nail biting habit. Realize this list an opening point to fear of loss construct. See ya tomorrow.

featured photo by a Desteni Artist