Day 151 - Initial Examination of My Relationship to Money

As I sit to work out some initial relationships to money, I move right into being overwhelmed.

Thoughts =
"There is so much I could writing about money."
"My whole life has been shaped by money."
"I can't possibly write a good blog post about my relationship to money. It's too extensive."

I realize that if I don't eventually begin to open this up, then I will continue to suppress the realizations...and after a long pause, I realize that if I stop typing then nothing gets written down, haha. Resistance is a buzz kill. As I take a look at resistance, it's like a doubt in my ability to capture what I was just trying to say, and funny how this doubt immediately creates, where now I'm talking about resistance and not money points. OK. Pushing through the resistance. Here we go. I'm going to stream the first money points to mind:
Pic: open clip art

- Money is how I can have fun, specifically fun with others.
- Money is how I can get to be close to a girl, specifically by spending time/money according to the standards of the dating scene.
- Money makes me more able, like having a nice computer and work space (buying ability)
- Money is how I vote; and I want to have many votes/much influence in the economic system that determines how life is/can be lived.
- Money is being able to go out to eat and not have to do dishes.
- Money is something to be accumulated and transferred into ability when needed or desired in the future. 

So, I've identified some resistance points and several over-arching money orientations that I have formed over the years. Focusing on money,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other will not like me if I do not have enough money to go out and have fun experiences with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to afford what is necessary to be able to participate online.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear reoccurring bills.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that women will not be interested in me if I can't/don't spend money on them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear spending money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect spending money with being bad, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to withhold money so that I can be good later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate money in fear that I won't have enough to afford future taxes and/or luxuries. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the future in relation of not being able to maintain a comfortable lifestyle because of not having enough money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my fear-based decision to save money will protect me from not having enough money to live comfortably.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire money so that I can be lazy and live the easy life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire money to spend on women so they will like me.

-

I commit myself to stopping participation with money within self-interest in buying experiences with others so that I am perceived as more likable. 

I commit myself to realigning my money orientation so that I am supporting myself and others as effectively as possible.

I commit myself to investigate where and how money is being abused so that I may release the habit through self-forgiveness, and persisting with corrected application.

I commit myself to showing others that I am not abusive with money in spending it on purely self-interested desires.

I commit myself to becoming a living example of how money can be used to be self and other supportive by no longer abusing money for personally selfish reasons.

I commit myself to living responsibly and only taking on reoccurring charges when the situation is thoroughly assessed, and I commit myself to further investigating the point of being in debt.

I commit myself to expounding on this point so I can take a close look at why I have accepted and allowed myself to gamble in the past among other points that are strictly related to a self-interested energy.

I commit myself to not supporting others within their self-interest and my own self-interest by design of me desiring for them to like me or be attracted to me. THIS is manipulation, haha.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be manipulated by others wanting me to spend money on them.

I commit myself to continually assessing how my relationship to money is affecting my world from the starting point of every breath.