Day 442 - Speak up, son!


To be a man. To be seen as a man. To hold my body as a man. To sound like a man!

This is but one way I've oriented myself, through the backchat comparison of Self to Man.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as 'less than' those who hold themselves in this confident, present voice - one that I have not seen in me for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and my vocal expression to others firstly, trying to shape my expression in a safe and specific way, so as to hide myself, for I do not want to be judged for my authentic, self expression.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer the 'safety' of projecting characters of me out in the world, instead of allowing myself, within/through Self-Acceptance, just be, and express me naturally, simply.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself within and through AMBITION, not seeing realizing or understanding the significance of my starting point being rooted in fear, inferiority.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see myself as ACCEPTED, by all and by me -- and to ride the wave of awareness and focus as I drive me into perfect, verbal expression.

When and as I see myself getting in a head spin about not wanting to talk or speak up, because I "can't find my words" - I see and understand that there is resistance to self-honesty for one fear/reason or another.

I commit myself to slow down and get self-honest.

I commit myself to show myself that I do want to go there.

I commit myself to show COURAGE in my stand.

When and as I see myself perceiving myself as in-fear-ior to another person, I stop, I breathe. I realize my equality as 1, just as they are 1, too. I commit myself to speak with confidence, knowing what I want to say before & as I start flapping vocal chords..

I commit myself to seeing me as 1, and equal.

I commit myself to voicing myself with integrity, utilizing my body to place specific ripples into motion, bring life to words and words to life.

I commit myself to trust myself through this process.

I commit myself to stop hesitating when the Self-judger backchat starts to speak up - and to rather move into my body, find the words, and engage in co-created presence.

One.
Word.
At.
A.
Time.

OWAAT



And a sneak peak for next time:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am inherently inferior to others to speak sense effortlessly, and seem to already have social approval/recognition - something I can only ever hope for because I perceive others to have the power of assigning acceptance to me...

--

Check out process, lots happening!

Day 441 - Reboot Writer Character





Option A) Let shame compound and drive me further into the ground.


Option B) Just start writing.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a million and one expectations for myself as a writer, and shut myself down before I begin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disconnect writing as a solution, even though I have seen how effective this practice is in creating stability in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself feel unworthy of your attention, unless I perform to a high-standard and expectation that I create for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create high expectations for myself out of fear that I will be judged as insignificant otherwise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand, IT IS ONLY ME that has me caught up in a loop of self-critical stagnation.

I commit myself to stop postponing the inevitable, and start taking responsibility for what I am creating of myself in my life.

I commit myself to stop blaming external factors for why I write, support myself, or not.

I commit myself to reinstate writing as a immediate, accessible process at my disposal each and every day.

I commit myself to NOT turn writing into a big thing, and then give up when I see that my expectations of myself and reality don't line up.

I commit myself to make myself a writer by taking small steps to write daily, here on Blogger, soon on Steem, and/or in my private journal(s).

I commit myself to attaining success, in process and in life, one small, action at a time.


I'm going to explore an interesting character dimension in upcoming posts: of not feeling worthy of being seen or heard in the world, and so silencing myself and not participating, when in reality, I could surely have participated and contributed in a significant and meaningful way. #WorthinessWeek

Day 440 - Oops I Stopped Righting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store and accumulate thoughts, pending direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to walk my process privately AND justify not posting to blogger AND not write privately.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the connection of consequence to my choice to not physicallize myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk my process for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others to pull me through.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fear that I am not able to stand up in the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to elaborate on this thought, giving color and breadth to the idea of my rejection/failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to orient my expression toward achieving desired reactions, rather than simply sharing me, my writing, my expression of righting.

I commit myself to continue dredging up all that I have suppressed, in words, for your eyes and/or mine, to walk acceptance of who and what I have become, to walk forgiveness, to right myself.

I commit myself to write privately if and when I must, and no longer accept or allow myself to use this as an excuse to avoid self-investigative/self-corrective writing altogether.

I commit myself to spend 20 minutes a day - writing.





Day 439 - Writer's Constipation



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in any and/or all of my excuses for why I am too busy to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to prioritize my actions with a more fully integrated perspective - cross referencing the bigger picture in real time, so as not to get wrapped up in the emotional moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in my thoughts on a trail of blame and then move on without acknowledging how I directed that moment in myself and so my external.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand I am = how I choose to respond to the various equations that come up in life.

In realizing my choice is me, allowing a reaction of mind to direct my expression, is a choice! If I am only at best aware of my reactions, I will die in and as the mind consciousness system. I am and only will be of mind - unless, I apply myself diligently with the tools: writing, (sounding) self-forgiveness, correction practice: Live process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to live process in every moment.

I commit myself back to daily writing. (Dan, keep yourself in check; no one's going to do this for ya!)

I commit myself to practice shutting down the thought-replay backchats in my mind more quickly, moving into breath upon awareness, no longer allowing my desire for experience to justify my participation in the mind.

I commit myself to use proper time management techniques, so that I'm effectively attending to an increasing load of responsibilities.

I commit myself to get a little more stern with myself when my justifications for not making time for writing a blog post come up. I stop, I breathe. I organize my time effectively so this priority, writing, happens.

When and as I see myself slipping into blogless days, I commit myself to debunking the justification as soon as possible, and getting back to it. This process means too much, and as one of few who understands this, I have push myself to birth myself in the physical....if you know what I mean.

I still want to hide. Because I'm not fully integrated here. I'm not standing. I'm not the leading example I know I can be. WHY? Let go. Let it all go. That's why. I am holding on to the past.

- - TO BE CONTINUED - -


Day 438 - Voicing Me



Speaking in an intricate act. Formulation of words to build concepts and understanding is a miraculous feat. Sharing understanding with others is one of the most precious gifts of humanity. I write this blog to share some of the information processing that goes on behind the scenes of me. I have a duty to place myself in words. This is my chief aim. It would seem absurd to continue allowing inFEARiority, in all it's forms, to suppress one of the greatest gifts I can give to all.

I commit myself to stand up within myself to share my understandings to the best of my ability in every interaction, while remaining a humble learner, equal and one with everyone.

I commit myself to contributing my vantage point whenever it can effectively support what is best for all.

Here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to debase myself with self-diminishing thoughts like "I'm not smart enough to speak in this group of people" or "I have nothing of worth to share" or "I don't want to be ridiculed for my choice of words," as who I am is expressed in my words.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself as my words, in fear that by expressing myself, I open myself up to attack.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that no matter what anyone says about me or my words, I am not harmed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being publicly ostracized, for this means my chances of survival are compromised - or that my chances of being liked by the girl are lost.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear loss, when and as I express myself, and so have chosen to rather suppress myself, and through this create the exact loss (of opportunity, of potential) that I feared.

I commit myself to express myself despite fear, put myself out there, and risk it all.

I commit myself to embrace risk, cast off fear, as I stand and express myself within principle.

I commit myself to share myself with the world, and stop this self-diminishing mind program that I've built and participated in since early childhood. Till here, no further.

I commit myself to investigate and release myself from any related systems of self-doubt, when and as they arrive in my conscious mind.

I have one life to live, and time waits for no one. Let's get it done.