Day 423 - Hiding in a Relationship

There are some consequences playing out for me in my agreement-relationship, wherein I have fallen much more into my relationship tendencies than I have created agreements. In other words, I've been able to hide myself from myself through having another person to focus on and blame for my general life experience. I thought that by calling it an agreement meant that there was some automatic difference from a relationship...nope.

What I'm starting to realize now is how much work goes into manifesting agreement. In sales, the sales professional gets paid very well to apply effective communication to create shared understanding with the prospect. If my understanding is clear about the value of my proposition, we enter into agreement, and my prospect is transformed into a customer.

When my self-agreement, or understanding of my value proposition in and as LIFE, isn't exactly clear, reaching an agreement with another human being is (a) impossible, or (b) detrimental to the other human being.

Bottom line: Self comes first.

--

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that an agreement-relationship is a guaranteed, stronger than marriage, relationship.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide the true nature of myself by projecting my shit onto the other person, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding who I am is reflected in the other by nature of how mind projection works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become less than my utmost potential by falling into my preprogrammed tendencies of trying to use the agreement-relationship as a relationship wherein I hide myself, from myself, by making it all about her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand my full responsibility to be an effective communicator, so that I can accurately name the game, create solutions, and then generate shared understanding/agreement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT first clarify for myself what I want to specifically create within an agreement-relationship. (Awesome support here: What did you Agree on?)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see, realize and understand how by not clarifying my self-agreement first, I bring instability into the relationship and cause more discomfort and discord than harmony and agreement.


When and as I see myself reacting toward Garb, I commit myself to stop, and breathe. I realize that my programming to fight to not expose my systems is exactly the opposite of what I want to be doing in this agreement. I commit myself to speak the specific forgiveness statements, and continue to investigate myself in writing to find the root causes of my reaction patterns, effectively facing myself.

When and as I see myself hiding behind blame and projection, I stop, I breathe. I realize that I know how to bring the points back to myself, and that applying this tool is a form of essential self-application within my self-agreement. I commit myself to bringing every point of projected blame back to myself first and foremost.

When and as I see myself breaking my self-agreement and living in a way that is not best for all, I stop, I breathe. I realize that this process of self-honesty is a process, and the most challenging one in existence at that, so I commit myself to be gentle, yet steadfast, within my application of self-correction.

When and as I see myself speaking in energy, I STOP, I breathe. I realize that an effective communicator does not speak in energy, as this creates all kinds of barriers to hearing the actual points I intend to communicate. I realize that my intentions mean nothing, and that I should be measuring myself and my process by my application of effective self-expression of what is best for all, here, in this physical reality.

I commit myself to deconstructing all of my relationship tendencies, so that I may make room for substantial agreement creation in my agreement-relationship.

More awesome support here: http://wiki.destonians.com/Agreement

Day 322 - How to effectively practice self-restraint

Recognizing the moments when I am not applying self-restraint is somewhat elusive. It's like I don't want to recognize my delay energy possession, but then I have to consciously choose to face it (uncomfortable) or not (consequential, and thus also uncomfortable). There is a feeling preference to hide it as best I can and just go with it. This is not self-honest.

So, for me to seriously begin facing my various self-compromising personalities, I will have to prepare for some discomfort. Writing is my preparation process.

It's critical to be thorough and practical within my writing. It is here that I set my course for action, but it's important to also realize that writing alone does nothing. I've been watching my self write and write and write on this topic of delay/procrastination, and it sometimes feel like I'm not making any progress. This is partially true. My starting point with a lot of my writing so far has been for others, not for me to effectively support myself in moving written words as self-realization into practical application, self-change.

The gap is between existing as knowledge, and existing here, where knowledge is practically applied. What are my barriers in closing this gap? A relatively mild discomfort & fear of the unknown. Is this really how I want to shape and define my life? Through a perceptual, programmed discomfort and fear of fully expressing myself? No.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the importance of writing specifically, to the point, and self-honestly. Without my serious commitment to support what is best for myself, I will let something slide, and the consequences of doing so have been vastly misunderstood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that consequences of skimming the surface are next to nothing, through the belief that "it's ok to skim the surface at first. I will get deeper later on, once I've skimmed the whole surface."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that procrastination is beneficial because it gives me more time to orient to the real issue at hand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking the tasks of life without delay, through fear of failure.

Linked: Fear of Failure & Delay (delay subtly/slowly manifests failure)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately NOT see, realize and understand how/when I am within an energy possession because of wanting to avoid discomfort.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone my participation within my responsibilities out of fearing that I will fail or not do a good job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up before I even attempt to assert my self-will.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define self-restraint as difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I cannot handle the discomfort of facing my self honestly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid discomfort, and not see how I am compounding and creating more discomfort. What you resist, persists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the connection between short-term and long-term when it comes to time management and as well, consequence. The bigger picture includes all terms, and in self-honesty, nothing hidden.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to face myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is an easy way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire an easy way out of the mind consciousness programming.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive myself as already beyond of all of my personal problems through selective self-perception.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the consequences of selective self-perception.

When and as I see myself within an energy associated with delay/postponement/procrastination, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is my moment, my window of opportunity, to stop myself from participating in an energetic character in separation of Self here. I also realize that there is a resistance and discomfort associated with pushing through this energy and effectively restraining self from reacting to and participating in  it. I commit myself to pause, and look at myself in self-honesty. I commit myself to not fear the discomfort. I commit myself to push through the discomfort. I commit myself to fully exposing myself to myself, so that I may give myself an clear look at my options: to either follow the energy and suffer worse consequences later, or face the consequence now and enjoy the rest of time.

I commit myself to stop hiding consequential outflows because I do not want to face the discomfort in a given moment. This is self-dishonest, and if I were to seriously and honestly see the consequences of delay, I am certain that I would rather face the music here, now.

When and as I see myself writing my process blog for the sake of 'daily writing' as a rule imposed by an external force, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not writing to impress anyone with my daily writing commitment. I am here to establish effective, livable commitments that equates to me effectively taking control of and responsibility for myself, and eventually expanding that once I have become stable in my application and am able to handle more responsibility. I commit myself to stop making excuses for why I can't or why I don't want to do something in a moment. I don't have time to skate around on the surface. Investigate why and which fears keep me from being specific, direct, comprehensive and effective.

I commit myself to write about specific forms of resistance as they come up, so that through understanding, I am able to move myself effectively into self-application and self-change.

This is not just practice. This is not empty words. This is me. This is my expression. If I do not mean what I say, there is a problem. If I do not implement and direct myself within my written word, there is a disconnect that must not be accepted and allowed. Between writing, and speaking my process out loud, I commit myself to establishing expressive stability that is self-honest.

I commit myself to stop floating as an idea of myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to live here, one and equal with my written word, my spoken word, my self-expression, the physical reality, life. To not take this process seriously is a point that must be investigated. No time to waste, so if time is wasted, self-honestly investigate the reason. Remember the pros/cons, benefits and consequences of self-restraint and momentary mental indulgence.

:)

Day 295 - Defining My Online Presence

STAMP

SIMPLE: "Make everything as simple as possible but no simpler." Albert Einstein
TRUE: Be true to your passion, with values and behavior in alignment
ACT: "Vision without execution is hallucination." Thomas Edison
MAP: Know how to get from where you are to where you want to be
PEOPLE: The greatest success is achieved in collaboration

Taken from a book review by Robert Morris

The book called Digital Leader: 5 Simple Keys to Success and Influence, was recommend from a student in my recent online Social Media class. The book has a chapter on each of these concepts, but I've only just read this review and chosen to expand on each key to better see my "digital self" from a leadership perspective. *After writing the bulk of the below text, I am considering the purchase of this book and think anyone who is slightly interested in digital leadership should too consider it!

1) Simple

• "Make everything as simple as possible..."
• This is a good point to keep in mind because very quickly my writing can become verbose. The nature of Self-Forgiveness and my journey to life is 'content heavy' to say the least. This should not be an excuse to blabber on during my blog posts.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear witting too little to be effective and within that not realize when I am writing more than I need to.
• I commit myself to the self-honest assessment of when I have written too little/too much based on my written words' effectiveness in supporting myself within self-realization.
• "...but no simpler."

2) True

• Be true to your passion, with values and behavior in alignment.
• Self-Honesty
• This is why I'm here.
• This is why I write, which is important to note because my motivation is mostly derived from purpose.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to show off and be cool because I found out about the 'solution of self-forgiveness,' instead of self-honestly moving myself through this process for myself alone.
• I commit myself to investigating wherever my values and behaviors are not in alignment with the knowledge and information I write about, so I may take the time to apply and live the self-correction.

3) Act

• "Vision without execution is hallucination."
• This is similar to the second key value. To distinguish the two, I would label this one to be the living application. This blog is my writing dimension, which is a biggy, but living the correction from the insights and realizations that I have while writing is equally important.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I'm not just here to write.
• I commit myself to start systematically bringing realization through into living application.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that as long as I write, I can slack off during the rest of my day.
• I commit myself to facing the reality of my life as signified by how I choose to spend my time in each moment.
• I realize that vision without application is useless mind play.

4) Map

• Know how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
• I have the 'map' / the how to / the Desteni tools: Self-Forgiveness, Self-Writing, Breath and Common Sense (from here)
•  I do not know exactly what I will become in this journey to life as the living expression of what is best for all, but I do know that I will be here with me in every breath! What is there to fear?
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I do not know how to get where I want to be through a moment of forgetting my breath within a charged fear experience.
• I commit myself to be patient with myself as the breath, realizing that it's my mind that wants to move faster than my physical breathing, but it is the thought and desire that slow me down.
• I commit myself to practically applying my map to get to where I want to be.
• pure
• self-honest
• oneness and equality, self-realized

5)  People

• The greatest success is achieved in collaboration
• Also why I am here.
• My publicized JTL Blog also serves as a way to share my individual process. I write transparently, for you to see me, so that perhaps one day, you might join Desteni and begin seriously investigating your mind too! It's worth it. Brace for a Dan Malara original quote:
• "No one enjoys facing their fears, until they do."
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sharing my process with all others.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear judgement.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making videos of myself.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let fear control and suppress my self-expression.
• I commit myself to walk my process and persist in removing the stifling fears that prevent me from sharing to my maximum potential
• I commit myself to sharing the perspective that each of us must stand up alone AND together in order to create a world that is literally the best place for all life.

Reflection: Long post, but I liked the break down. This is just a tiny portion of the homework I'll be conducting in order to become a leader in this global, digital community. For now, I commit myself to stabilize myself within self-leadership in my daily living. Starting with, SHADOWGUN...come see me tomorrow. Thanks for the support reader.

Day 162 - "Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance"

[Continued from yesterday]

So, I found that this generational wisdom from my father's father has many more variations, and this shook my dad's world a bit, haha. Regardless, the point is the same: Planning Promotes Performance. So, if I am here to perform to the best of my ability, planning is an essential ingredient that I have not been paying too much attention to. I've been writing a general, day plan/to-do list the night prior for about a month, but I've not been keeping myself accountable to complete each task...much like idealized intentions. It's time to get serious with each moment of planning, so that I lay down actual self-direction.

pic credit

This is the point of it all. I'm in my Journey to Life, figuring out how to direct myself effectively by forgiving where and when I am not, moving to the next layer of 'why' and continuing to locate where, when and why I've allowed myself to fear myself and separate myself from the oneness and equality that is of life, so I can ultimately stand as a stable expression of what's best for all. Cool, huh? Step by step, layer before layer, I walk for me / for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan my day without consideration of exactly how I intend to accomplish each item.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to shy away from my tasks because I set them as higher/greater than my actual, physical ability of what I am able to accomplish.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my actual, physical ability, and create idealized to-do lists to which I react with overwhelmingness and end up stressed out and under performing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to set a plan and not follow through because of my habitual allowance of resistance guiding me toward the easiest route in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to the resistance pull without making an effort to understand all of the energetic factors at play.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise my time and so ability to practically accomplish set goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set goals within a 'perfect day' and separate myself from the responsibility of the completing the work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to all around skip the planning step and wonder why my day didn't amount to anything, hiding from myself so I wouldn't have to face my irresponsibility.

When and as I see myself moving along my day without intention or grounded goal accomplishment, I stop I breathe. I realize that I must have an action plan to complete large tasks, and that time budgeting is essential to planning accomplishment. I commit myself to realizing a plan of action when I am just going with the flow.

When and as I see myself faltering on a plan, I stop, breathe and asses what's going on within me. I ask, "Why?" Upon finding the point of resistance, I conduct Self-forgiveness in that moment. I realize that all resistance isn't easily overcome in one moment, and I commit myself to writing out the entire construct of resistance, so that I may see what's going on, and write a new law for myself to live by.

When and as I see myself creating a set of idealized intentions, I stop I breathe. I realize that only a practical plan can be carried through into completion. I commit myself to standing equal to and one with my intentions, living with them, and bringing them to life by successfully utilizing them to complete any task I set as part of who I am.

In the morning, I commit myself to bundling together my continual intentions and work goals, and from that creating and action plan. If not in writing, then with self-honesty I will carry me through the completion of each prioritized task. I realize that when I am not on track, I must take that essential breath and collect myself in the moment to set the direction of self and go!

When I mess up, I stop and breathe. Set a stable agreement with myself in relation to my work, to effectively make tangible progress within a agreed amount of time.

When and as I see myself falling off the ball, I remember to breathe and regain balance through the actualization of self-responsibility as who I am here. Thanks

Day 153 - Validity, Self-Worth & Clear Communication

In the environment of high school friends, the primary question that arises is: "What are you doing with your life?"  Everyone is curious to know who each other has become since those high school days that seem like they were long, long ago. I think the curiosity stems from a desire for feedback/validation. In explaining our "life position" to each other, we get to see the reaction of the group and use it to place ourselves into perspective from a relational standpoint. In fact, as I was getting ready for a particular quad-friendship reunion, I experienced a tad of nervousness..

"How well am I going to be able to articulate what I'm doing?"
    - Process doesn't fit into a preconceived idea for how one spends their time, and so it requires a more at-length explanation...assuming other's will ask about more information.
    - Have not yet established a comfortable relationship to explaining what Desteni is.

"Will they negatively judge my chosen life path thus far?"
    - the only reason this matters is because of the point of defining myself from others' feedback.

"Will I still have that same positive, 'funny-guy' personality?"
    - similar point to above. Fear of future, based from positive, past memories. Also fear of change here.

That's the basis of what I allowed my mind to do this morning. My actual experience was heavy on the first point: couldn't articulate what I was doing very effectively. Fear of judgment was lowly charged, maybe because I worked on the defining self within the perceived judgments of my friends a little bit yesterday (obviously still not clear). The third point was interesting, because I didn't have to try very hard at all to fall right back into my old personality. My carefree demeanor was more present than not, but in self-honesty, there was some backchat doubt that I wasn't as relaxed or cool and carefree as I could might have been in high school. Most of the nervousness came from this, but the experience was well suppressed, and overall I was pretty much "myself."

From: desteniartists.blogspot.com

Key point here is dealing with self defined by others, specifically past friends. Second point is related to uncomfortability with speaking about process and self-forgiveness. Let's begin.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rely on the reactions of others to establish my self-identity and self-worth. Within this mental worry, I've created unnecessary hindrance on self-expression because of fear of the future from living in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, from the past, project self-doubt into my future interactions and not realize how I've been manifesting the doubt in real-time for allowing myself to participate in the future fear projection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my validity and self-worth exists within how others perceive my life's work and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that the need to convince my friends of my validity is all that matters.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear rejection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my past positive self/other-judgments as moments of accumulated validity and self-worth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have defined myself according to the sum total accumulation of past positive experiences while suppressing the negative ones and creating personality characters to discredit the suppressed fears of self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being inarticulate with explaining the surface summary of the desteni message.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as 'inarticulate' through participating with the fear I've connected to not being understood.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect fear to not being understood.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel hopelessly misunderstood and not take the responsibility of clear communication within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project onto others that they must have a hard time hearing me from the get go, before I even give myself the chance to establish effective communication.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from effective communication through the allowance of fearing the fear connected to ineffective communication.

--

When and as I see myself participating within my mental projections of possible future playouts, I stop I breathe. I realize that this fear of futures is built of the substance of past experience, and that only with my allowance of myself to define myself in and from my past do I create fear of future. I commit myself to letting go of each moment of accumulated self-definition that is a charged memory, positive and negative.

I commit myself to breathing when the tendency is to try and predict how I will be perceived or listened to, so that I may physically direct myself to be effective from the starting point of each breath.

I commit myself to patiently stopping the mental participation of past and future social interactions.

I commit myself to just be me, here, within the stability of every breath, and no longer worrying about future interactions that are nothing more than fear-born illusions that create my present interpersonal demeanor without me realizing it.

When and as I see myself worrying about my future presentation of myself in future interactions, I stop I breathe. I realize this is not who I am. I commit myself to the continual realizing that my participation in mind creates a consequential outflow that affects my personality or personalities.

I commit myself to showing others that these personalities are self-created systems used to navigate the world, and that I can remain stable and effective within a fresh starting point of every breath without creating a personality to augment/manipulate my environment separate from me, here.

I commit myself to the realization process of myself as one with my environment and others so I can effectively create best for all outflows.

I commit myself to no longer simply living in fear of the past definitions of myself being or not being in the future as if the future already exists and is something to be feared.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a nonexistent future and simultaneously create that which I fear without realizing me as the creator of my world in each lived moment.

I commit myself to living each moment within self-honesty, so that I can correct myself from each new moment and stop the mental participation of which fear had been allowed to create my future.

I commit myself to realizing myself in and as fear, stopping it, breathing, and directing self in alignment with what's best for all.

Thanks and welcome.

Day 141 - Establishing Self-Leadership

Continuing with the first delay point from Day 140.

This character that I'm about to open up is one that I've largely been unconscious of and has been basically active since birth. My mother has been my primary leader for my whole life, and I haven't yet established myself as the primary reality creator of my world. Haha, kind of a big point, but then again, most of them are, or seem to be.

This character pattern has come to my attention because I've been back in my home environment after college, and there is a tendency to allow my mother to still create the vibe of my day, as her tendency is to continue to do so. Interestingly, when my dad is home from work, he still keeps his work ethic in motion and I find myself to be more productive around the home in helping him out. I generally match his efforts in contributing the household chores and whatnot. And in college, I also went with the flow of social life, only taking care of my responsibilities when I absolutely had to. Interesting realization, I must proclaim.

Initially, my perception was how the environment stimulated me differently, and I liked how life was "faster" with more to do and more being done in my college setting. What I didn't see within holding that perception is how I am blaming my environment for my lifestyle choices. It eerily seems like I've never really been making lifestyle choices and more just going with the flow of my fears and desires in different social contexts. This pre-determination flow is the mainstream argument against free-will. The desteni material suggests that when we become the directive principle of our lives, one with the physical, we can change our pre-determined destiny, and yet there still is no 'free-will'...but I won't get into that now :)

Here, my goal is to unravel how/why I've been abdicating the responsibility of self-leadership. The whole point of this blog and the Desteni I Process is to establish self-honesty and the effective leadership of self. So, this primal resistance of delay within my day-to-day living shall be one of the first serious habitual processes to go. And so I write:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I've abdicated my responsibility of self-leadership through continuing the childhood existence-orientation of being guided by others/mother/external factors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the external forces for my day-to-day living/existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to so easily move into delay/procrastination and not realize the consequence compromising self within the total picture of daily productivity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize other's actions/inaction to justify or excuse my (lack of) self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others as being lazy/unproductive instead of realizing myself within the solution of self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that self-direction is too difficult or undesirable and stopping there, instead of simply writing about any resistance that I experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that in writing about my resistances, I am directing myself through self-forgiveness and corrective application statements to stand as the solution within actualized realizations.

When and as I see myself moving into to delay because others in my environment are in delay, I stop I breathe. I realize that is process of establishing self-leadership requires that I lead myself and that in allowing the energy of others to direct me, I am abdicating the responsibility towards self and others as one.

I commit myself to stop allowing external forces to dictate and determine my energy, attitude and work ethic.

I commit myself to no longer justify or excuse my decisions on the basis that "if others are doing it, so can I."

I commit myself to becoming acquainted with the stability of self, here, within the physical, and no longer allowing the energy of my environment to determine who I am in relation.

I commit myself to continue to push through resistances through writing about them as this has already proven to be effective, and the alternative of allowing the resistance energy to direct me has consistently proven to be an ineffective submission experience.

I commit myself to stopping the judgement of self and others being lazy by standing within this point and effective directing it.

I commit myself to show others, by example, that effective self-leadership is possible.

--

If you would like to begin supporting yourself in becoming the directive principle of your world, I highly recommend starting by learning the structure of effective self-freedom writing here: