Recognizing the moments when I am not applying self-restraint is somewhat elusive. It's like I don't want to recognize my delay energy possession, but then I have to consciously choose to face it (uncomfortable) or not (consequential, and thus also uncomfortable). There is a feeling preference to hide it as best I can and just go with it. This is not self-honest.
So, for me to seriously begin facing my various self-compromising personalities, I will have to prepare for some discomfort. Writing is my preparation process.
It's critical to be thorough and practical within my writing. It is here that I set my course for action, but it's important to also realize that writing alone does nothing. I've been watching my self write and write and write on this topic of delay/procrastination, and it sometimes feel like I'm not making any progress. This is partially true. My starting point with a lot of my writing so far has been for others, not for me to effectively support myself in moving written words as self-realization into practical application, self-change.
The gap is between existing as knowledge, and existing here, where knowledge is practically applied. What are my barriers in closing this gap? A relatively mild discomfort & fear of the unknown. Is this really how I want to shape and define my life? Through a perceptual, programmed discomfort and fear of fully expressing myself? No.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the importance of writing specifically, to the point, and self-honestly. Without my serious commitment to support what is best for myself, I will let something slide, and the consequences of doing so have been vastly misunderstood.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that consequences of skimming the surface are next to nothing, through the belief that "it's ok to skim the surface at first. I will get deeper later on, once I've skimmed the whole surface."
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that procrastination is beneficial because it gives me more time to orient to the real issue at hand.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking the tasks of life without delay, through fear of failure.
Linked: Fear of Failure & Delay (delay subtly/slowly manifests failure)
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately NOT see, realize and understand how/when I am within an energy possession because of wanting to avoid discomfort.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone my participation within my responsibilities out of fearing that I will fail or not do a good job.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up before I even attempt to assert my self-will.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define self-restraint as difficult.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I cannot handle the discomfort of facing my self honestly.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid discomfort, and not see how I am compounding and creating more discomfort. What you resist, persists.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the connection between short-term and long-term when it comes to time management and as well, consequence. The bigger picture includes all terms, and in self-honesty, nothing hidden.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to face myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is an easy way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire an easy way out of the mind consciousness programming.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive myself as already beyond of all of my personal problems through selective self-perception.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the consequences of selective self-perception.
When and as I see myself within an energy associated with delay/postponement/procrastination, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is my moment, my window of opportunity, to stop myself from participating in an energetic character in separation of Self here. I also realize that there is a resistance and discomfort associated with pushing through this energy and effectively restraining self from reacting to and participating in it. I commit myself to pause, and look at myself in self-honesty. I commit myself to not fear the discomfort. I commit myself to push through the discomfort. I commit myself to fully exposing myself to myself, so that I may give myself an clear look at my options: to either follow the energy and suffer worse consequences later, or face the consequence now and enjoy the rest of time.
I commit myself to stop hiding consequential outflows because I do not want to face the discomfort in a given moment. This is self-dishonest, and if I were to seriously and honestly see the consequences of delay, I am certain that I would rather face the music here, now.
When and as I see myself writing my process blog for the sake of 'daily writing' as a rule imposed by an external force, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am not writing to impress anyone with my daily writing commitment. I am here to establish effective, livable commitments that equates to me effectively taking control of and responsibility for myself, and eventually expanding that once I have become stable in my application and am able to handle more responsibility. I commit myself to stop making excuses for why I can't or why I don't want to do something in a moment. I don't have time to skate around on the surface. Investigate why and which fears keep me from being specific, direct, comprehensive and effective.
I commit myself to write about specific forms of resistance as they come up, so that through understanding, I am able to move myself effectively into self-application and self-change.
This is not just practice. This is not empty words. This is me. This is my expression. If I do not mean what I say, there is a problem. If I do not implement and direct myself within my written word, there is a disconnect that must not be accepted and allowed. Between writing, and speaking my process out loud, I commit myself to establishing expressive stability that is self-honest.
I commit myself to stop floating as an idea of myself.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to live here, one and equal with my written word, my spoken word, my self-expression, the physical reality, life. To not take this process seriously is a point that must be investigated. No time to waste, so if time is wasted, self-honestly investigate the reason. Remember the pros/cons, benefits and consequences of self-restraint and momentary mental indulgence.