Day 328 - Residual Excuses

I'm been traveling a bit recently, and the irregularity of long travel days can easily throw off one's routine. I still was able to get some solid self-supportive writing in while on the plane or in the car. It was difficult to get into the blog composition routine without internet or usual my home computer environment. This is just an excuse that holds enough weight to not be considered a priority issue.

What I found yesterday, the day that I arrived back home, I had a residual lethargy. Call it "jet lag," whatever. I see jet jag as just another excuse or an opportunity to blame something external for my internal state. What a convenient way to not be responsible for who I am. Today, I partially continued with the same pattern. At what point does does the "jet lag" excuse lose it's legitimacy? It's subjective and varied. Perfect. Now, I can get away with not having to direct myself responsibly.

Within this pattern, I see that I am able to drag out the experience of jet lag. Perhaps at one point, I really needed to nap and rejuvenate. But just like with the mornings where I am able to sleep in and excuse my alarm vs. the mornings with an important obligation, I function fine when I need to and also allow myself to not function when the external need isn't so present. This is a key interaction that I need to examine within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify my internal state by blaming my external environment and not realize that I am locking myself into a pattern through abdicating the self-responsibility I have in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to waste time and dismiss my responsibilities to myself through self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thoroughly investigate my dismissal of self-responsibility.

I commit myself to more effectively supporting myself by really opening up the moments of weakness where my emotions get the best of me, to give self context and a stable footing to commence the process of self-change with corrective application.

I commit myself to show up for myself everyday.

I commit myself to recognizing the patterns of excuses that I use to justify my abdication of self-responsibility.

I commit myself to walking the process of stopping those patterns.