Day 318 - Am I Serious?

I just discovered an interesting design in myself that I had not really considered before. I was reading this post from A Skeptic's Journey to Life called The paranoia of "not being taken seriously", and when I started to relate to it, memories popped up of me deliberately going into an non-seriousness to avoid conflict and/or judgment.

What is it that's going on here when I feel I need to act less than seriously? There are a few things coming up, and I hesitate to slap a quick answer on this question. I will need to spend some serious time with point :)

First thing that comes up is not wanting to take responsibility for / own up to a particular perception that I have made. As if I'm trying to escape a potential embarrassing situation that I have created through thoughts in my secret mind (the stuff I don't want to share). Like for instance if I have made a negative judgement of someone, I would have departed from physical hereness to create this thought, and when I return there is a sense of needing to explain myself. Or maybe it's a shame for even having gone there. Perhaps this moment of internal discomfort is a reaction to not being able to be completely open and honest with my company. It appears there is compounding consequence for participating in the secret mind.

There is also this idea that I hold that being less serious is attractive. I am able to get more positive social reactions with a lighthearted and positive demeanor. I've always liked when people like me, so to be funny has held a value that outweighed being serious and honest with myself and others.

To be serious with myself...why does this point stand out to me? There must be a bit of sorting myself out to do before I understand what's going on here...Why am I not serious with myself? What am I afraid of? How has this relationship of seriousness with self affected how I've been living my life? interacting with others?

I stop, I breathe.

Reckless ego. Caring only about what appeals to me, not considering the totality of consequence and personal responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.

Without self-honesty, I'd still be lost in my mind creating consequence that I wouldn't even take responsibility for. I see now how I've hurt others and myself by not being serious, and just allowing my mind to keep selective focus and keep moving forward with little regard for anything outside of my narrow focus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the total effect of my choices through and as not taking responsibility for my thoughts, words, and actions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist what I do not like about myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trying to hiding the personal responsibility of consequences that are not pleasant.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be selective with my perception and value placement. While I may have been aware of the consequences that I am responsible for, it is no longer acceptable to let particular incidents slide by because it is uncomfortable to recognize consciously.

Going deep. Stay tuned.

photo credit

Day 306 - Morning Mind Play

Continuation of:
Day 305 - My Earliest Written Blog Post Yet
Day 304 - Morning Boot Up

Cool. I had a nice opportunity to play with my mind, and what did I find? The morning wasn't kind.

Seriously though, I made some interesting participatory observations. Here's a brief walk through: Alarm goes off, wasn't expecting it, but I adapt. I turn it off during a feeling of heavy wake-up resistance, head straight back to the pillow. Mind reminds me to exercise my breathing application to dissolve the resistance feeling. Slowly, my breathing turns into ego/thought, fail. Recovered 45 minutes later. I realize I can't be laying down in the most comfortable position ever if I want to wake up.

Solution:
One breath   > upright position. Continued breathing until stable. Direct self to begin the day.

Also, reporting on how the rest of my yesterday went after posting my earliest blog ever :
- Got more done.
- Felt like I still needed to be writing during the 10th and 11th hour of the evening
- Bottom line: When I start my day with self-supportive actions, like writing, I continue my day in a relatively more self-supportive way.

So, here I am now, typing up another morning post. It's freeing. It even seems like the day lasts longer. In addition to waking up earlier, I also don't have a looming responsibility that I've put on hold the entire day. The key difference is that instead of wanting to spend my time distracting myself from whatever I am procrastinating, I am free to move on to the next responsibility, effectively accomplishing more in a day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay responsibilities and not realize how I'm amplifying my inefficiency by expelling effort within the delay/procrastination suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify sleeping in within the domain of my mind while under the influence of morning tiredness energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight within myself as the various voices/backchat that are back and forth "do I get up/do I just sleep" not realizing that participating in this inner dialogue IS within the design of the resistance energy that pulls me back to my pillow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am choosing to place my head back down on the pillow through accepting and allowing that resistance energy to direct me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and stand as one and equal with the energies of my mind, taking full responsibility for my actions, instead of blaming my actions on a mind in separation of who I really am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my mind for my behavior.
--
When and as I see myself delaying a responsibility, I stop I breathe. I realize that if I initiate damage control by trying to hide from my decision to postpone a task, I am being dishonest with myself and creating consequences that I don't want. I commit myself to assist and support myself when operating within a delay, to either face the resistance and do the 'dreaded' task, or engage in other prioritized tasks within an agreement with myself to accomplish the delayed task at a specific time frame.

source

When and as I see myself debating and justifying why I should go back to sleep in the morning, I stop I breathe. I realize that in this state of mind, I am unfit to make a stable decision. I commit myself to sit up and breathe until the resistance energy is not the sole director of my decision. As I consider all that I could be doing with my day and as the resistance is no longer overwhelming, I will allow myself to go back to sleep if that seems needed. For now I am on a probationary period of one month. If this point becomes an issue again, I'll make adjustments.

When and as I see myself blaming my mind for my behavior, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am the mind, that there is no separation, that no one but me alone is responsible for my behavior. I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to identify each relationship point of blame/separation  between myself and my mind, so that I can and will walk the correction. The solution as standing one and equal with one's own mind, accepting the responsibility of one's own reactions, even though it seems out of our control, it isn't. I commit myself to accepting the responsibility for myself and in so doing, showing others that they can too: Operation Disband Victim Culture.

This isn't over yet. In fact, it's good practice to not think that any of my transcendence points are over because if I do, then I'm probably wrong. The desire to be done is a more potent thought generator than the absolute silence of true transcendence. I commit myself to persist in demystifying the resistance of self-change so that I & WE, equal as one, may walk this self-corrective process more effectively. Thanks.

Day 304 - Morning Boot Up

source

Most mornings when I do not have to awake suddenly, I allow myself to go through a noteworthy boot-up process. Thoughts that are enticing...they draw me back into my pillow and off into dream world. Actually, this is the primary if not only way I remember my dreams. It's kind of like a morning nap that I choose to do after waking up "too early." I haven't spent too much time considering the effects and ramification of this behavior until recently. Even as I recall the recent times that I was practicing morning thought/behavior awareness, I see that I would become defeated and submit to the strangely powerful force of tiredness.

This is my mind consciousness system booting up.

This morning, I went through this process with an added level of attention. I was even considering blogging about it first thing, but I backed down into my comfortable routine of waiting until the late night to blog. I've been thinking about it all day, which goes to show the detriment of delay. So, I have two points here that I want to investigate. Firstly, how does this boot up process affect my daily routine? Secondly, what would go differently in my daily routine, if I wrote first thing in the morning?

Right now, I'll focus on these initial thoughts about my boot up process:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back to sleep in the morning from a thought-based starting point excuse/justification, including but not limited to: "no one else is up," "it's too cold," "there's no reason I need to be up right now" - this backchat is not comprehensively considerate of my plans for how I would ideally be spending my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay no attention to and take no responsibility for the decision I make when I go back to sleep in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play victim of tiredness energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I create the tiredness energy in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to and empower this sleepiness energy instead of realizing my oneness and equality with it, my own creation, myself.

When and as I see myself about to go back to sleep, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is a critical decision moment of who I am. I commit myself to asking myself this question, and being extraordinarily mindful of the excuse/justification/backchat that comes up within resistance to waking up.

When and as I see myself waking up after I've gone through an extra nap cycle in the morning, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am again faced with a decision of who I am. Will I continue my day in the absence of of willpower, or will I stop and decide to be the directive principle throughout the rest of my day? I commit myself to write in the mornings. This requires that I bring my laptop with me the night before with an intention set.

I commit myself to consider my daily responsibilities and ideal workload capacity before I simply return to my pillow.

I commit myself to realizing myself as the creator of my morning tiredness, and thus responsibility to awake / move.

I commit myself to getting my life back from the slumber-zone!

To be continued tomorrow ASAP > ASAIA (As Soon As I Awake)

Day 299 - Doing one thing, Thinking about another

The concept of thinking about 'other' stuff when one is doing something else: it is a quandary. While enjoying the morning sunshine, I was thinking about this concept and amused by my meta-ness. I realized that this type of separation from the moment here is widespread and pervasive. I also made a connection to self-doubt: If I was confident that I can and would do all that I need to do when I'm doing it, I would have no impulse to figure out what to do in advance.

Elaborating with an example: Here I am. Thinking about the near future. Why? I don't trust my future self, I am uncomfortable with uncertainty, I am worried/anxious, and it can be a source of motivation for the initial movement from here.

These are the initial justifications that come up supporting separation. Lacking self-trust, relationship with uncertainty, anxious/worried, and practical motivation. It's interesting to look at it now and see all the different movements, whereas in the past when I've seen myself doing one thing and thinking another, I would just focus on that practical motivation justification and dismiss the investigation with "well I must think about what I'm doing next." I realize now that many of my wandering journeys into thought are brought into motion by deep seated personality dynamics that I've spent little to no time investigating. So if I don't want to be a particular personality that manifests from a subconscious layer, I must give myself the time to map that personality and discover the inner workings of it/me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the totality of myself behind a single justification and not realize it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to emphasize and stop at the contemplative solution that makes sense and requires no further effort or self-change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that I can't give up my daydreaming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I need to think about the future because if I do not, then I will do nothing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can accomplish what is already on my to do list, given that I have allowed myself enough time to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not trust myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am worried and anxious when I begin thinking about what I will do later on.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the uncertainty I have of myself, my direction in the future, and what that implies: abdication of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need to know everything now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to know and control my future now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope I will do what I want to do, instead of realizing my responsibility to practically do that I want to do.

When and as I see myself justifying a personality or opinion that I have about myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that I may very well be missing something when I sense myself in fight/argument mode with myself. I commit myself to checking myself to see if I am emotionally invested in a contemplative solution, and if so, breathe and check myself again within self-honesty.

When and as I see myself thinking about what I have to do today from an anxious state of mind, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am here right now, and I will be able to appropriately direct myself within a task when the time comes. I commit myself to spending time with myself here in this moment, to face me in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself worried about my ability to accomplish the tasks of my future, I stop I breathe. I realize that to frantically try to walk all the steps of my future tasks in my head instead of enjoying my breakfast, for example, is a futile waste of energy. I commit myself to breathe myself back to the moment here, and take a practical stance to assess how I will need to structure my day / budget my time.

Each of these components will need to be minded. I commit myself to watching myself keenly when and as I see myself in thought in separation of the moment here. This is going to be an interesting sub-journey, as I've long thought it impossible to stop thinking / worrying about my immediate future. Challenge accepted. Game on. Come at me Mind! Show me what you're made of! :)

picture from here

Day 275 - Discipline

Polarity flip!!

Yesterday I felt so in control. I even noticed the positive feeling charge within me while I was writing yesterday's post. Today felt less in control. It was a negative experience. Polarity of inner experience.

In the past, I would let this polarity flip be perceived as failure, let it build and compound, and suppress it as quickly as possible. Today, I was not feeling the same, and I let that direct me. This time, instead of reacting to my negative experience and labeling myself as a 'failure', or worse as 'overall unable/ineffective' within self-change. That reactive experience multiplies the adverse effects of a fall.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my internal experience of myself in relation to productivity/failure/discipline is unstable and based within polarity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that positively charge experience will balance with a negatively charged experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the negative experience and the positive experience (like I did yesterday), not realizing that I do not need to define myself by the unstable, energetic experience within me. Who I am is the physical reality..

Which means that my actions is a communicative statement of myself. Whether in the context of others or even more significantly within the context of me alone, who I am in a moment can be defined by my lived choices.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize my responsibility within and of every action I take..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that my thoughts precede and determine my actions and word choices, and I am therefore responsible for my thoughts as well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that prevention is the best cure.

I commit myself to begin seeing and flag pointing the thoughts that lead me into an experience that is in separation of reality.

I commit myself to become increasingly disciplined by identifying every moment where I decide not to take responsibility for my behavior/actions, and writing about the specifics tat come up within me in those moments.

I commit myself to recognizing the positive experiences within me, so I may choose not to define myself as them.

I commit myself to remembering my breath when I am in moments of indecision and passively approaching the day.

I commit myself to reorienting myself when and as I see that I have begun my day in a way that promotes further noncommittal attitude. This is not who I am. I no longer accept and allow myself to submit to the internal energy experience...and when I do, I breathe myself back into the physical. Here I go.

Day 173 - Delving into my mind's favorite escapes

Continuing from Day 172 - Glazing Over & Day 171 - Zoned Out Episodes

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize when I depart into a day dream.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that is it ok/harmless to wander off into my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that zoning out can be a beneficial recharge for the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become intrigued and invested in my mental wanderings, believing that it is warranted/justifiable because the end result may lead to a positive experiences of insight/realization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move from physical task, to physical task without realizing the mental spacing out that happens in between, where I blindly follow along. I have referred to this process as side-tracking or "tangenting."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get frustrated with myself for getting side tracked instead of realizing how I became side tracked within self-honesty and stopping the mind's desire to automatically wander on to the next interesting/enjoyable thing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to unintentionally prioritize mental escapes when faced with work/resistance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is difficult to remain here and always present, and for allowing myself to use this as an excuse to give in to the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to just zone out because it's easy and not tasking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect spacing out & comfortable/easy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect breathing in physical awareness & difficult.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to space out when listening to another speak. Within this, I forgive myself that I allow myself to become more fascinated with my own thoughts and/or fear not responding well. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear just being myself when in conversation with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being present and with my breath because I could get hurt when doing physical activities while participating in a mental augment/adventure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider myself within each breath that I take. This will be a process, and while I keep coming back to my breath, I commit myself to working through and facing all self-created points of fear that may stand in my way to self-realization, here.

I commit myself to recognizing and stopping a mental tangent escapade as quickly as I can. Within this, I commit myself to investigate why I was so fascinated to begin following my mind into the abyss in the first place to be able to effectively apply self-forgiveness for that point.

When and as I see myself resisting a task I have planned to do, I stop I breathe. I realize this is the point where I allow my mind to wander and distract me. I commit myself to not get overwhelmed within trying to stop this by remembering the simplicity of the self-assistance tool of taking a breath.

When and as I see myself faced with work, moving toward a distraction, and becoming overwhelmed with my choice to follow the distraction, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have repeatedly been disabling myself from effectively bringing myself back on track within not realizing that the experience of overwhelmed/too difficult is just another allowed mental outflow of a relationship I have not yet explored in detail. This is a key. The key is and has been breathing. I stop, I breathe. I see my mind moving me. I stop. I, I breathe. I continue to breathe and direct myself with intention. I commit myself to stopping all emotional movements. I commit myself to not get angry at/toward self when I accidentally allow myself to participate within/from emotion, not realizing that anger is yet another equal, reactive emotional experience of mind participation.

When and as I see myself enthused with my own thinking when conversing with others, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have not wanted to give this up, and will require to continually assess why/where I place value in my thinking processes that are in separation from physical space-time. I commit myself to continue my mental-self investigation.

pic credit

Day 172 - Glazing Over

This is a continuation from yesterday (Day 171 - Zoned Out Episodes) where I am continuing to open up this aspect of myself that seems impossible to overcome.

A friend told me today that she heard from someone who recently learned from a higher-up yogi that we should not judge ourselves for spacing out because sometimes we need it to recharge. I thought is was kind of cool because I didn't think of it as recharge. Yesterday, I was framing this phenomena as primarily a negative distraction and didn't consider it as a mental recharge. This could explain why I'm finding it so easy to drift off: Mentally, I crave it.

While I was free writing about some more Zone-Out dimensions earlier and have gained a little more insight into the extent of this mental behavior:

• It's easy in, and easy to stay in - I follow the thought, into another thought, into another...
• ends with glorified conclusion - insight, realization, connection
• Intriguing thought-train
• There is a feeling of comfort & safety associated
• I allow/excuse/justify drifting off when experiencing resistance to writing/work
• It happens while listening to others
• relating to pre-existing knowledge and/or formulating a response
• Loss of awareness of posture / all of physicality

So, bottom line: I do not support the mind as me to exist in separation any longer. When and as I see myself "recharging" my mind, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to breathe myself back into awareness of me within the physical reality that's stable and remain here always.

I commit myself to working through all the layers related to zoning out, where I let myself go free into mind without any real consideration/care for the world around me. I understand this will take some time, but without starting, I will get nowhere.

Prepare your minds for tomorrow's boatload of self-forgiveness, as I proactively remove some of these conditioned layers/relationships toward allowing my mind to freely take dominion over my awareness.

Thank you for reading.

I stopped eating donuts but thought this to be an appropriate image for today :) 

photo credit

Day 170 - Got to get here quick! pt.6 - Others

I forgive myself that I have been accepting and allowing myself to try to force others to see the merit of walking the process of self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am doing the good thing by telling others what they should do, not realizing the importance of walking process for self alone and how other's must walk it for themselves alone, too.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have bee stealing the moment of self-realization away from others by imposing what I think is the realization for them in their context, where I'm only really providing a solution that isn't considering everything, and so it fuels their drive to debate/argue/find their own way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak my impulsed thoughts without considering what's here in the context of all.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to ignore by breath and follow the energetic rise within me as "thought + feeling of right -> speaking it."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breathe and investigate the reactions within me in how they relate to who I am / where I am in process of discovering self as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to help others before I've helped myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that "if only I get a bunch of others to join desteni, then I've been a worthy contribution and my my application of myself is not as important."

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how I've justified my advocacy character of placing others before self, and equated self as less, and so not worth my time.

This is a cool realization. The math of it looks like this: I am 1 person, but up against 10 others, I am less. Here, I did not realize oneness and equality, where 1 = all, so I = 10 others. Or 10 others is equal to my process. Only in limitation of separation am I able to hide as 1 up against 10, where 10-1 = 9 and is an overwhelming majority, and so justify not having to do work. :)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in overwhelmingness.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as equal with all. Each one is the all, and all is all, so all = 1. No separation. So I could say that if I don't walk process, no one walks process. And so, I commit myself to walking process for me alone (because alone = all one).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I cannot change others nor is it my responsibility to change others outside of me. If I stand in separation of another, I am out of line in trying to change them, where I am basically robbing them of their opportunity to self-realize, delaying process as a whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am prolonging process by trying to be help others before I help myself. I commit myself to STOP this in one moment, repeatedly.

When and as I see myself attempting to solve another's problems within a hasty mental grasping of the the problem outside of myself, I stop I breathe. I realize that it is their responsibility to solve their own problems as they choose. I commit myself to attempting to only solve my own problems and assist others only when I am one and equal with the solution, and not trying to solve their issue from a self-interested starting point within separation (essentially, trying to prove to myself and other that I am smart and able to quickly solve new problems)

When and as I see myself justifying my impulse to help others with problems because I think they will move faster...oh snap, I've been doing this for a long time...justifying my egoistic aide...I stop this, I breathe. I now realize that I am not helping, and rather, I am not helping myself when I should be. I see how I am compromising self and other by standing in separation and not truly seeing myself or other as I just speak as.within the energetic impulse thought of reaction. I commit myself to turning back to myself within any and all charges/reactions toward other's problems.

When and as I see myself feeling praise or looking for praise in solving another's issues, I stop I breathe. I realize that WHEN ASKED, I can help if I understand the entire context and simply share my perspective without seeking praise. I commit myself to recognizing when an answer results in a positive feeling within me, and I commit myself to then investigate what my relationships are within that context to see where I have defined myself in limitation. I commit myself to forgive all self-definitions of separation that charge beliefs of who I am in relation to others. If I learn to be a mechanic, then I obviously will know more about something than someone else, but this is no longer accepted to charge my belief that I am separate and more than. Different and equal will come to define my evolution this year.

When and as I see myself in allowance of the movement of becoming overwhlemed, I stop I breathe. There is no excuse. I am not the energy of overwhelmed. I am not the victim of energy. I am stable. I am here. I am this physical existence and equally my mind.

So, I welcome my mind to assist and support me. I no longer accept and allow myself to be moved by the mind without consideration. I will investigate all points of self in relation to oneness and equality. Until it is done.

When and as I see myself in separation of another, within reactive speech, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am following a mentally impulsed thought based on memories. I commit myself to the correction process that will take much work, by following each thought-impulse back into myself to discover the source of the program within me, forgive myself for creating it, either directly or by conditioned allowance, and walk the change as the expression of my self-willed self-direction within the common sense alignment of what's best for all.

When and as I see myself as less, I stop I breathe. I realize there are an extensive amount of circumstances where this applies. I commit myself to investigating all of them.

When and as I see myself stealing an opportunity of self-realization from another, I stop I breathe. I reconsider who I am in relation to the point. I commit myself to speaking from a breath, rather than a thought. I commit myself to doing self-forgiveness for whenever I follow/become/express a thought as me, so that I may ultimately realize myself as the breath of the physical.

Enough. I've had enough writing and I bet you had enough reading (unless you just skipped to the end).

Tomorrow I will check my relationship to haste and close this series, unless, of course, it needs more attention. Thanks.

P.S. Today's focus topic was determined yesterday but written after listening to Cats 3, and this particular interview certainly influenced the realizations written above. I recommend this interview.

free use photo from flikr

Day 147 - Becoming Self-Honest

Q: What does this look like?

A: Every thought is considered.

When existing within the energy of a thought, it's like you just go with it, not taking a moment to breathe and see the thought in the entirety of its creation. We don't typically understand how the thought came up. We don't even like to take responsibility for them, often blaming the external reality as the cause of the thought.

We tend to miss the point of self in relation to the thought, and just go with the thought as if it is us, or we own it. Yes. We take ownership of our thoughts and conceptualize self in separation from what we think. This can look like judgment, fear, love, etc.

The point is, if we don't consider every thought, how can we be trusted as equal creators of the external reality. Our internals are so messed up with layers upon layers of self-deception within fear that we hide from thy neighbors. We are co-creators, one with all. Self-responsibility is essential.

Q: How does self-honesty come about?

A: Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider each thought as equal and one with myself as the creator, and to have instead simply allowed myself to exist within the feeling or emotion that was associated with the thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to selectively focus on the thoughts that produced the most positive feelings and within this miss where I am in relation to the thoughts while I ride the positive feeling for as long as I can through selective thinking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to engage in a negative thought-train whilst completely forgetting about my breath, not realizing that I've left reality to indulge in fear-based what ifs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get deeper and more specific, focusing most of my attention thus far on the general aspects of thought design.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the negative emotion of self-judgment for not being effective within my corrective writing because I have shied away from thorough and specific, self-honest investigation of one particular thought design at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect failure to not seeing quick results.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear moving slowly, not realizing why I desire to move quickly through this process of self-correction and alignment with best-for-all interest.

I see here that I've opened several points that can be taken much deeper to reach a thoroughness that I have not yet before pushed myself to do. The list:
- desire to move quickly through process
- fear of failure
- self-judgment
- lacking specificity and depth
- fear of future within what-if thought-trains
- selective thinking / thought suppression
- riding in the emotion/feeling --> not considering origin of thought

In self-honesty, I commit myself to the process of real-time assessment of:
- Why a particular thought comes up?
- Why did I allow myself to participate in the experience of the thought?
- What connections can I make to this thinking pattern?

In self-honesty, the answers to these questions should come easily. To promote self-honesty within and as me, I have to take the answers and follow through with them. Once I locate the pattern and it's components, I commit myself to writing and moving through self-forgiveness. As the layers open up, I continue, I persist.

I commit myself to showing all that I am self-responsible within my application of self-purification for self and all in creating best for all play-outs and correcting self-interested acts/speech that is dependent on energy in polarity where the other must lose so I can win.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to not see, realize and understand that best for all, as a way of life, is also self-interest. I realize that spite, and ego rewarding acts/speech is the self-interest that must come to an end within becoming self-honest. I commit myself to realizing how I am one with my thoughts, one with my neighbors, family and strangers, one with all life here on earth, etc. Until it is done. Until I can be proud of this existence as a whole. Until then, no bullshit. I will be watching my participation, until it is in alignment with oneness and equality. Then I participate strictly within the physical as breath, as utter self-honesty, where all thoughts are related to physical reality. Until I am directing self and thought as self here.

Still confused about Self-Honesty? There are some intensely supportive people on the forums. If you want to assist yourself with guided structure, I highly recommend this FREE course.

See you here.