Day 429 - Fear of My Programming

As life's goes on, I too must move, for I am life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my programming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my programming is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not release my programming fast enough or in time with life's process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and as the mind, and fear the consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to circumvent consequence, instead of prevent consequence through self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand the inevitable connection between consequential behavior and the consequences that manifest later down the line.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the consequential outflow of my thought, word and deed from earlier in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear creating more consequence in the present moment, and NOT see, realize and understand how through fear I separate myself from my breath and directing myself within common sense in each here moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear relationship to consequence, and through it, try to find ways out of it, instead of realizing, accepting and allowing it to manifest, and within this, embrace it, learn from it, and apply self-corrective application to prevent more of the same kind from being created.

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When and as I see myself desiring to get out of paying for the consequences of my past participation, I stop, I breathe. I realize this universal law of cause and reaction can just as easily work for me, as it can against me.  I commit myself to accepting the consequences of my actions, favorable or not. And in realizing my responsibility within this, I commit myself to stop believing that I can circumvent the consequences of my creation.

When and as I see myself fearing that I will create negative consequence, I stop, I breathe. I remember my common sense consideration of all that is here, and I direct myself to express creation of positive consequence in the context of what is best for all. I commit myself to remember to breathe when anxiety comes up in relation to fearing messing something up and creating negative consequence.

When and as I see myself fearing the inevitable consequential outflow of my past participation in thought, word and deed, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the mistakes of my past will be the source of some of my greatest life lessons. I commit myself to embrace the manifested consequence in my life and learn as much as I can in facing myself this way.

When and as I see myself fearing that I am too much in the programming of my mind to move within and as life, I stop, I breathe. I realize this fundamental separation from the life in me, is literally killing me. I commit myself to recognizing myself in my breath, completely dropping the fear, and directing myself to (a) write out the programming that was coming up in that specific moment, and/or (b) move within self-authority, as life principle, to create best for all consequences.

Day 304 - Morning Boot Up

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Most mornings when I do not have to awake suddenly, I allow myself to go through a noteworthy boot-up process. Thoughts that are enticing...they draw me back into my pillow and off into dream world. Actually, this is the primary if not only way I remember my dreams. It's kind of like a morning nap that I choose to do after waking up "too early." I haven't spent too much time considering the effects and ramification of this behavior until recently. Even as I recall the recent times that I was practicing morning thought/behavior awareness, I see that I would become defeated and submit to the strangely powerful force of tiredness.

This is my mind consciousness system booting up.

This morning, I went through this process with an added level of attention. I was even considering blogging about it first thing, but I backed down into my comfortable routine of waiting until the late night to blog. I've been thinking about it all day, which goes to show the detriment of delay. So, I have two points here that I want to investigate. Firstly, how does this boot up process affect my daily routine? Secondly, what would go differently in my daily routine, if I wrote first thing in the morning?

Right now, I'll focus on these initial thoughts about my boot up process:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back to sleep in the morning from a thought-based starting point excuse/justification, including but not limited to: "no one else is up," "it's too cold," "there's no reason I need to be up right now" - this backchat is not comprehensively considerate of my plans for how I would ideally be spending my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay no attention to and take no responsibility for the decision I make when I go back to sleep in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play victim of tiredness energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I create the tiredness energy in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit to and empower this sleepiness energy instead of realizing my oneness and equality with it, my own creation, myself.

When and as I see myself about to go back to sleep, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is a critical decision moment of who I am. I commit myself to asking myself this question, and being extraordinarily mindful of the excuse/justification/backchat that comes up within resistance to waking up.

When and as I see myself waking up after I've gone through an extra nap cycle in the morning, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am again faced with a decision of who I am. Will I continue my day in the absence of of willpower, or will I stop and decide to be the directive principle throughout the rest of my day? I commit myself to write in the mornings. This requires that I bring my laptop with me the night before with an intention set.

I commit myself to consider my daily responsibilities and ideal workload capacity before I simply return to my pillow.

I commit myself to realizing myself as the creator of my morning tiredness, and thus responsibility to awake / move.

I commit myself to getting my life back from the slumber-zone!

To be continued tomorrow ASAP > ASAIA (As Soon As I Awake)