Day 118 - Working Forgiveness

Continuing from the past two days:
Day 116 - Sticky Black Hole
Day 117 - The Sticky Black Hole, Out of Perspective

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to empower the mind-mechanism of delay through following and accepting the pull toward the positive experience distractions, effectively suppressing myself within facing my work/responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress through delay. I've been effectively dodging responsibility through procrastination, waiting for the necessity as external force (i.e. time), to take responsibility for me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing my self to see or realize how I've been completely avoiding self-direction through the negative experiences like work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a living hell for myself through participating with the thoughts/feelings that work is undesirable, instead of stopping them and simply moving myself from moment to moment, here in my breath.

I realize that I only create this undesirable experience toward work when I forget about my breath, and unconsciously participate in conscious thought. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to breathe and instead allow the thoughts to create an experience that moves me away from my work.

When and as I see myself facing the undesirable experience of work and move toward a positive distraction, I remember to breathe. In this stopping of thought-reality-creation, I realize that work isn't so hard after all. It's just the application of my self willed direction.

I commit myself to realizing the negative experience I create for myself of work and stopping it within and as my breath. In these moments, I commit myself to applying self-forgiveness for the thought.

When and as I see myself resisting applying self-forgiveness of my resistance to work, I stop and breathe again. Here, I realize that the same point is compounding within the outflow. I commit myself to working through all resistance by slowing down and writing if I get too overwhelmed to speak specific self-forgiveness in the moment. Key.

I commit myself to stop allowing the resistance to do specific self-forgiveness to take me away from the application thereof. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that "specific self-forgiveness is so hard that I must stop, wait and delay the application until I have a better conception of what I am forgiving, not allowing myself to just go with it and get more specific as the point opens up. This is easier when I'm writing in a flow.

I commit myself to give it a go, and just speak self-forgiveness through the resistance, and if not immediately clear and specific, to write it out.

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I commit myself to the realization that this procrastination habit will not just go away overnight, and that only with my living the corrective application will I eventually break the spell. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the chance to take myself seriously in my self-directed behavioral change through the realization that this will take work/commitment to restructure myself accordingly.

Time to get to work.