This post is continuing with the point I opened up on Day 7 - Starting Point within the Advocacy Character. It has to do with insecurity manifesting as desire for validation/being noticed. I was pretty vague in addressing this point and it's apparently not clear yet. Ego is tricky to stand within and as and then stand up inside of it to change it, as self change. The point of living the change is emphasized by desteni, but I continue to overlook this. My ego has always sought validation to feel positive/content to ward off the feeling of being inadequate or disregarded. And so now I have to deal with the fear I manifested in my face!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anxiously seek for validation from others and not have the patience with myself to first stand as a practical, living example of the principles of oneness and equality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear feeling inadequate/disregarded and within this, justify my movement toward attempting to validate my ego-position as the knowledge and information I have took illusionary ownership of through the act of belief.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I've been trying to escape the responsibility of self change by focusing my process on becoming credible/noteworthy toward others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to overlook the point of self standing as the change I would like to see in the world through allowing myself to define myself and self-worth according to others' perceptions of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define success as the positive experience of validation of my ego defined as the knowledge I've accumulated.
When and as I see myself in a state of fighting for my ego, I stop I breathe. I realize that while I have good intentions in mind, the method of which I have been trying to share the desteni perspective is one of dodging self responsibility and giving into the inclination to cover up my own fear of non-acceptance. I commit myself to re-aligning my process of self-purification to focus on myself and my own problems. Until I can stand as an example having walked individual points within my process, I have no place hypocritically preaching to others in hopes that they will validate my efforts.
I commit myself to patiently walking my process for myself.
I commit myself to stop taking personal ownership of what I believe is 'right' and must be shared with others from the starting point of seeking confirmation of knowledge and information through others as validation.
I commit myself to stop defining myself and self-worth through the eyes of others. I commit myself to stop the fear that I others will see my knowledge and information as invalid because I've not yet applied it and become a living example, needing no validation.