Day 126 - Some fears

- Fear of moving slowly or not picking it up fast. This is connected to my self-definition of being a fast learner, smart(er than others), and fear of death or loss of time as wasted opportunity.

Here, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear running out of time because I can't get my act together quickly enough.

Here, I breathe, and commit myself to remember to return to my breath when I am lost in an energetic experience. And I realize just how gripping these experiences can be (i.e. telling myself to stop biting my nails while consistently and continually refusing to obey my will), so this matter of stopping within breath and directing myself is an grandiose challenge and yet simplistically a matter of common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to confuse myself by flipping between the polar perspectives of 'should do' and 'shouldn't do' wherein I compromise my awareness of myself as life where only common sense is acted on. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wish that my mind would just stop and remove myself from the responsibility that must and will be considered as I walk out of my illusionary reality mind creations and into the one physical dimension, where I stand for equality of all physical components.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that this process can happen automatically, and I forgive me for allowing myself to fear that I can't (do it myself).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I won't be able to stand up in the face of my fears and resistances or that I will fail in trying.

I re-commit myself to this process of writing myself out. I see now that automatizing this process is not an option, that it is not a point and click, easy install (or rather uninstall), and I have my work cut out for me within taking responsibility for all of my creation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the end...to fear the end of my limited existence as the programs in my mind that I've so long trusted to guide me through my life experience.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize how I have been creating this world experience within my mind, and not realizing how I've been creating without me being present. I simply just went with the flow and stuck to positive thinking as it seemed to work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my innards as the inner workings of my mind that aren't positive and that have contributed to my life experience. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse positive thinking to live on a cloud, or a positively augmented version of reality that I closely identified with. I thank myself for recognizing this point.

And now, I forgive myself for falling into the intensifying energy addiction of mind as positive and negative experience, and not standing as the end of me as my abusive, self-interested method of life.

I commit myself to standing absolute.

I commit myself to taking into consideration the points of which I repeatedly fall into without any conscious physical direction (like nail biting and entertainment/delay), so that I may work out for myself the relationship to the point and walk the forgiveness and corrective application.

Thanks to all.