I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping the negatively associated indulgences.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stopping the mind and ending the pursuit of a higher energetic experience stimulus.
^ This is the point that I want to capture. It's broadly applied as the ending of the seeking a positive reward. A bunch of things come up. For me the first ones that come up are: taste of candy, taste of certain foods, sexual orgasm, winning video games, feeling of tobacco/drugs/alcohol, looking physically fit, successful status in society, parents, and peers eyes, and so on.
The problem with these experiences is that they dominate my time. If I'm being self-honest and responsible within my relationship to completing work, I can certainly still allow myself to enjoy life. So the real issue here is self-direction vs mind-direction. The moment of allowing my mentally impulsed desire to manifest into decision, directing me, instead of me moving from the awareness of my breath and doing what I know needs to be done. How do I know what needs to be done?
It's all about building structures of support for myself and then for others. Building support structures within the principle of Best for All, is it. So, when my time is being directed by my mind to get a simple positive reward, I realize I am mind-controlled. I commit myself to standing up within my desire, just as a fear, and laughing at it, giving perspective to it, and breathing...I stop I breathe.
And when the common sense direction isn't clear, I ask myself:
How can I best use my time right now that is supportive to myself, and ultimately all?
..to be continued.