Day 387 - I am, I stand, I create

In the last post, I began to just dive into this specific point of waiting for external environment to guide, shape and influence my walk of life, my decisions. Of course, this is natural to a degree, but my experience of myself is that I'm constantly just going with the flow, being swayed to and fro. I'm much less taking the initiative to create my life, to create opportunities and situations with Self as the Authority. As I walk this my process through the mind, utilizing the Desteni tools, I am garnering self-trust that I can and will create situations that are best for all. This is the unwavering principle that I commit myself to learn, practice, and live as my updated self-expression. The old programs in my mind, the structure of my thinking, are self-interest based and outdated.

 Here, I'm going to continue with the self-correction statements from the last post, but before I do, I'm going to specify, "I forgive myself for just going with the flow." Thanks for the feedback Adrian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just go with the flow, wherein I limit my self-expressive capacity through only moving myself within reaction to external stimuli. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give to myself the responsibility to consider all relevant points, and from within that, take initiative and direct myself to create my myself and my external to become the highest potential. I no longer accept and allow myself to passively wait for life to hand me lemons. I commit myself to  go buy lemons and plant a lemon tree, considering what is best for all, here, now and in the future. This is an example of how I am starting taking the initiative in my life, an example of Creation, with and as, Self and All.

When and as I see myself in a state of uncertainty where I am waiting for my external world to tell me how to be, how to act, what to say, I stop I breathe. I realize that I, alone, and responsible for what I think, say and do. I commit myself to direct and create my life despite how uncomfortable it may seem at first.

When and as I see myself going with the flow of life because I see this as a form of stability, safety, freedom from judgement as I am not responsible for the direction my life takes, I stop I breathe. I realize that this belief about 'going with the flow' as a form of stable and safe living is only valid from the perspective of my ego that prefers to be infallible, and so making decisions becomes a risk where others can potentially judge me. I commit myself to continue expounding upon this specific point of fearing judgement from others as a catalyst for indecision. And I commit myself stop the pattern by recognizing when I'm awaiting external stimulus to react/respond to, take a breath, consider how I can create/initiate a best for all outcome and put it into action. Self-movement.

I commit myself to stop creating myself to be a victim of my environment, swaying through the tides of life instead of standing a pillar, standing on principle.

When and as I see myself desiring the easy way, to have the responsibility of guidance in my life to be given to me, I stop I breathe. I realize that by taking responsibility to direct my life, I am giving myself the greatest gift I could give myself: participating by co-creating life on planet earth.  I commit myself to giving myself this gift and working through any limitations that bar me from receiving this gift.

I commit myself to pushing through all limitations and self-sabotage points that keep me from realizing my utmost potential and contributing the the betterment of humanity on a global scale.

When and as I see myself in a state of complacency, assuming that my life direction is superb and that I will be remembered as a great man, I stop I breathe. I realize that it actually requires hard work and dedication to create value in this world. I realize that I can not passively glide through life AND leave a legacy behind that I can be proud of, so I commit myself sit and wait no longer. Every day, every hour, every breath, I have a decision to make: Will I be honest with myself and move to create value in alignment with what is best for all, or will I spend another moment deluding myself in a temporary realty wherein I only see a much smaller picture of myself, my potential and the world around me.

When and as I see myself in a state of fear of failure and/or rejection, I stop I breathe. I realize that this fear limits me from taking the initiative to express myself and create outcomes that are best for all. I realize that fearing rejection/failure is self-interest, protecting myself as ego. I commit myself to push through this fear over and over and over, until the prospect of failure and rejection does not unnecessarily weigh me down and become my directive principle. I commit myself to let myself risk failure/rejection in moments where I see that I can insert myself within a starting point direction of creating what is best for all.

When and as I see myself reacting to my environment with a perceived certainty and control within my reactions, I stop I breathe. I realize my reactions for what they are: reactions. I commit myself to stop justifying my reactions, however valid they may seem in a moment. I realize that by breathing in, I can take into consideration the relevant facts of any situation and who I am within it; and as I breathe out, I move myself to initiate and create the best possible outcome for all life.

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Day 386 - Who's Creating My Life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to be directed and determined by external events.

This is the key understanding of this post. I will continue to specify the what, why and how through self-forgiveness statements. If you are able, I invite you to join with me in speaking these statements aloud:


I forgive myself that I have relinquished the responsibility to direct my life because it is easier to just go with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that going with the flow is the best way to live my life, not realizing the perpetual victimhood this creates for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire an easy life with minimal responsibilities and obligations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I want to create a life that is highly rewarding, and leave a legacy behind that will best benefit this world, I must create it to be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am destined to do great things. In this belief, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special and able to achieve this greatness and recognition merely because I am special, that my perception and point of view is superior.

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to realize and OWN my personal responsibility to willfully direct my life.

I forgive myself for just going with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself according to the circumstance within which I had fallen into with little or no effort. Specific example: I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to try harder in school, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leverage my intelligence to simply get by with passing grades without really applying myself to discover my highest potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really push myself to discover my true potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be passive and to wait for external events to react to in a calculated way ensuring that I could achieve my self-interested goals. Specific example: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for another to initiate relationship advances so that I could protect myself from fear of rejection. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a strong negative emotion to failure and rejection, create a fear of failure/rejection, and fear that fear so extensively that I severely limited my expression and potential when interacting socially with peers.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how extensively I've limited my self-expression through allowing my own internal fears guide me on the 'safe track' in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define failure/rejection as unsafe.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace failure, rejection and weakness within myself, such that I could then grow, improve and strengthen myself in the bigger picture of my life...instead of concerning myself so very much with the small/immediate picture of myself / my life that I couldn't see how narrow my life path is.

This is an important point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that a life lead by reactions to immediate circumstances, wherein I am accepting and allowing myself to define myself by each consequence (i.e. failure), is not a life at all. Living in such a way is like living as a program that doesn't comprehend the highest potential as a possibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself into thinking that I am creating my life lead by reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am not my reactions; to realize that these reactions are mental programs that drastically limit who I become in this life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for directing my life within a stable consideration of all things relevant.

I forgive myself that I have not yet fully accepted and allowed myself to stop the reactive, self-interested programming, BREATHE, and create my life path through a self-honest consideration of what decisions and actions will contribute to creating what is best for all life and ultimately allow humanity to reach our highest potential.

Self-corrective application commitment will be placed in the next post.

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Day 357 - The Decision to Decide

A very cool point to consider is who we are when making decisions. Maybe it makes more sense to ask: "Where am I in this decision process?" Whatever language you use to see yourself in the moment of making a decision, the important part is to really consider all the motivating factors. Writing can help to slow things down and open up the space for more clarity in this process. When I don't write out my internal process for making an important decision, I notice I am more susceptible to just go with whatever I feel in that moment without considering all the relevant points.

It's those darn feelings that just come up. They're not typically based in common sense, and it's even less likely that we would realize this simply because we don't consider the common sense when we're just quickly going by our gut feelings. We make many, many, many decisions all day, every day. It would make sense to automate the decision process because then our cognition would be less tasked, and that's what we do. The framework for how we have automated our many daily choices is based on the many memories we have stored where our decisions have resulted in a scenario that is has some positive value for self.

Really consider that for a moment. We've spent our whole lives programming our minds to make decisions for us, based in self-interest as what produces the most favorable outcome for me. Maybe we will occasionally consider a few others in an immediate environment, or perhaps even the world, but if we are self-honest about why we are making that decision, we will commonly find a thread that connects our self-interest within that decision. An example, vacuuming the common area so my roommates will like me/not hate me. This action is even benevolently aligned, but my starting point within it was based in self-interested backchat, a subtle form of manipulation even.

So now imagine having to deconstruct this decision framework and rebuild it with intention. The self-interested decision framework that we've been building for our whole lives, happened pretty much automatically, and why question it? Automated as it may seem, I can remember moments where I created, accepted and allowed a new decision parameter because I benefited from it...NOT because I considered all things and chose what is BEST. My benefit could be as simple as feeling good after eating a whole bag of candy or wasting the whole day playing an exciting video game.

HERE

I must realize that I am responsible for the decisions I make.
I must practice and develop my awareness of who I am while making decisions.
I must answer to every question I ask myself with a thorough consideration of all relevant points.

Draw out a map of consequences if that's what it takes. If I delay my writing my blog until the night, I may end up not doing a blog at all because other things will come up, even excuses like "oh, I just don't feel up to writing right now."

My core point of this is to move self through making decisions. If I'm indecisive, sit down and write. Taking the time to consider what is best for all before making a physically lived decision, is the key here. If I don't decide to decide, I could let life slip right by me while my automated decision frameworks controls every aspect of my (regretful) existence. This relationship to decision making needs to be clear and direct. I will no longer stand by and watch my life play out according to some outdated mind program I created back when. This is a new moment, a new breath, and I commit myself to decide who I am within my decisions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my decisions on how I am best able to get a positive reaction from others so that I will be liked.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be liked through the external validation of how others respond to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define who I am according to how others respond to me, never realizing that I am the one that is actually deciding who I am within each and every decision that I make. For example, I decide to allow my roommates to determine if I'm socially accepted. Through this, I take responsibility for this point of allowing others to tell me who I am, and I correct my self-definition through the process of determining for myself, what I accept and allow myself as.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand who I am within making decisions, and within that, not seeing all the relevant criteria that I should really consider when making any particular decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just go with the flow and not question my decision process from a self-aware perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the results of my decisions because I didn't want to see my responsibility within that circumstance.

I forgive myself for accepting allowing myself to fear making a decision...

...And this can be opened up quite a lot. To be continued.

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