Day 387 - I am, I stand, I create

In the last post, I began to just dive into this specific point of waiting for external environment to guide, shape and influence my walk of life, my decisions. Of course, this is natural to a degree, but my experience of myself is that I'm constantly just going with the flow, being swayed to and fro. I'm much less taking the initiative to create my life, to create opportunities and situations with Self as the Authority. As I walk this my process through the mind, utilizing the Desteni tools, I am garnering self-trust that I can and will create situations that are best for all. This is the unwavering principle that I commit myself to learn, practice, and live as my updated self-expression. The old programs in my mind, the structure of my thinking, are self-interest based and outdated.

 Here, I'm going to continue with the self-correction statements from the last post, but before I do, I'm going to specify, "I forgive myself for just going with the flow." Thanks for the feedback Adrian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just go with the flow, wherein I limit my self-expressive capacity through only moving myself within reaction to external stimuli. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give to myself the responsibility to consider all relevant points, and from within that, take initiative and direct myself to create my myself and my external to become the highest potential. I no longer accept and allow myself to passively wait for life to hand me lemons. I commit myself to  go buy lemons and plant a lemon tree, considering what is best for all, here, now and in the future. This is an example of how I am starting taking the initiative in my life, an example of Creation, with and as, Self and All.

When and as I see myself in a state of uncertainty where I am waiting for my external world to tell me how to be, how to act, what to say, I stop I breathe. I realize that I, alone, and responsible for what I think, say and do. I commit myself to direct and create my life despite how uncomfortable it may seem at first.

When and as I see myself going with the flow of life because I see this as a form of stability, safety, freedom from judgement as I am not responsible for the direction my life takes, I stop I breathe. I realize that this belief about 'going with the flow' as a form of stable and safe living is only valid from the perspective of my ego that prefers to be infallible, and so making decisions becomes a risk where others can potentially judge me. I commit myself to continue expounding upon this specific point of fearing judgement from others as a catalyst for indecision. And I commit myself stop the pattern by recognizing when I'm awaiting external stimulus to react/respond to, take a breath, consider how I can create/initiate a best for all outcome and put it into action. Self-movement.

I commit myself to stop creating myself to be a victim of my environment, swaying through the tides of life instead of standing a pillar, standing on principle.

When and as I see myself desiring the easy way, to have the responsibility of guidance in my life to be given to me, I stop I breathe. I realize that by taking responsibility to direct my life, I am giving myself the greatest gift I could give myself: participating by co-creating life on planet earth.  I commit myself to giving myself this gift and working through any limitations that bar me from receiving this gift.

I commit myself to pushing through all limitations and self-sabotage points that keep me from realizing my utmost potential and contributing the the betterment of humanity on a global scale.

When and as I see myself in a state of complacency, assuming that my life direction is superb and that I will be remembered as a great man, I stop I breathe. I realize that it actually requires hard work and dedication to create value in this world. I realize that I can not passively glide through life AND leave a legacy behind that I can be proud of, so I commit myself sit and wait no longer. Every day, every hour, every breath, I have a decision to make: Will I be honest with myself and move to create value in alignment with what is best for all, or will I spend another moment deluding myself in a temporary realty wherein I only see a much smaller picture of myself, my potential and the world around me.

When and as I see myself in a state of fear of failure and/or rejection, I stop I breathe. I realize that this fear limits me from taking the initiative to express myself and create outcomes that are best for all. I realize that fearing rejection/failure is self-interest, protecting myself as ego. I commit myself to push through this fear over and over and over, until the prospect of failure and rejection does not unnecessarily weigh me down and become my directive principle. I commit myself to let myself risk failure/rejection in moments where I see that I can insert myself within a starting point direction of creating what is best for all.

When and as I see myself reacting to my environment with a perceived certainty and control within my reactions, I stop I breathe. I realize my reactions for what they are: reactions. I commit myself to stop justifying my reactions, however valid they may seem in a moment. I realize that by breathing in, I can take into consideration the relevant facts of any situation and who I am within it; and as I breathe out, I move myself to initiate and create the best possible outcome for all life.

photo source

Day 342 - Who am I in relation to Bernard Poolman?

I've now had a week to process the death of Bernard Poolman. The aspects of myself that this man had brought into view for me were tremendously supportive. He showed me how my anxiety can be stopped with a simple breath and 'yes or no' perspective. Simple. He called me out on my selfish, egocentric way of seeing myself in the context of all that is around me, explaining how all I've really been caring about is the 'me' in my head, placing all other beings as irrelevant (unless they could benefit me, obviously). He assisted me in understanding just how severely compromising this self-importance design I created for myself is. How I have actually separated me from the physical reality to such a degree that I inflate the view of myself, feel powerful, and thus trap myself within my own illusion, while in reality I am damn near powerless.

He spoke of potential. That was the perspective he spoke from. He would see the potential in everyone and he took responsibility to assist us in seeing how we're holding ourselves back within our skewed views. He didn't allow himself to be anything less than than Life, one and equal with all life, and so he wasn't about to allow the rest of us stand as anything less than the Life we all truly are. And he wasn't about to walk our Journey to Life either! "You created it," he would say.

He devoted his life to living the principle of what is best for all. He investigated what is here and found many systems that support inequality and the enslavement of the human. Very few actually understand that the physical reality is what matters. These people are the elite. The difference between the elitist perspective and Bernard's perspective is fear. Bernard recognized the fear reactions within him and questioned "why not best for all?" He was relentlessly compassionate, saw the problem, and stood as the solution. And perhaps the most significant part was that he understood what had to be done, and he did it.

The Desteni group is the result of his efforts to bring about a better world. The few that knew him understand the authenticity of Bernard without question. What he stood for came through in every word that he spoke. Sure he was a funny guy, but his humor was never dry, always specific in revealing the odd to atrocious nature of man's existence. Before I had met him in real life, I had listened to many of his talks on YouTube, and even though he sounded...unattractive, scary even, I was listening to what he was actually saying. Where he was coming from. His words came from a place I could not easily dismantle. I had to continue my investigation.

Now, I stand with clarity. I am here to carry on in the name of Life. Bernard shared how he realized himself as Life through self-forgiveness, self-honesty and practically living the the solution within the principle of what is best for all. He created an organization of people who care. Small as we may be, I guarantee this is only the beginning. The fears and justifications do not stand a chance against the movement of life; but the test of time will prove that.

I commit myself to accept and allow nothing less than Life within myself, so that I may stand as a pillar of support for all to realize Equality and Oneness.

Here's my brick of SF from the day he died:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself in relation to Bernard. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a relationship of dependence with him, that I can't do it alone, despite the nature of the core message. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that Bernard is superior to me as life embodiment. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself believe I am less than life. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my personal issues and time loop many times because I fear I cannot stand as the directive principle of my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my inability. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I cannot do it, that I can not do what he has done. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel a need to suppress points in relation to him that might make me cry if I look at them self-honestly. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that I can stabilize myself in any and every moment with a single breath. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold to memories where he had supported me so well, and believe that I cannot stand and effectively support myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I can honor him by playing Candy Crush, and not be self-honest about the point to see that I am avoiding facing the emotional reactions that I chose to not face immediately. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face my reactions immediately. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to quantify self-forgiveness and focus on my application, so that I may optimize and walk my process steadfast.

In the next post, I'll correct and expand on how I decide to live here onward. Thanks for investigating.

See also: The Measure of a Man & how other's expressed themselves in relation to Bernard here on this thread in the desteni forum.