Day 386 - Who's Creating My Life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to be directed and determined by external events.

This is the key understanding of this post. I will continue to specify the what, why and how through self-forgiveness statements. If you are able, I invite you to join with me in speaking these statements aloud:


I forgive myself that I have relinquished the responsibility to direct my life because it is easier to just go with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that going with the flow is the best way to live my life, not realizing the perpetual victimhood this creates for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire an easy life with minimal responsibilities and obligations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I want to create a life that is highly rewarding, and leave a legacy behind that will best benefit this world, I must create it to be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am destined to do great things. In this belief, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special and able to achieve this greatness and recognition merely because I am special, that my perception and point of view is superior.

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to realize and OWN my personal responsibility to willfully direct my life.

I forgive myself for just going with the flow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself according to the circumstance within which I had fallen into with little or no effort. Specific example: I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to try harder in school, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to leverage my intelligence to simply get by with passing grades without really applying myself to discover my highest potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to really push myself to discover my true potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be passive and to wait for external events to react to in a calculated way ensuring that I could achieve my self-interested goals. Specific example: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for another to initiate relationship advances so that I could protect myself from fear of rejection. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a strong negative emotion to failure and rejection, create a fear of failure/rejection, and fear that fear so extensively that I severely limited my expression and potential when interacting socially with peers.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how extensively I've limited my self-expression through allowing my own internal fears guide me on the 'safe track' in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define failure/rejection as unsafe.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace failure, rejection and weakness within myself, such that I could then grow, improve and strengthen myself in the bigger picture of my life...instead of concerning myself so very much with the small/immediate picture of myself / my life that I couldn't see how narrow my life path is.

This is an important point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand that a life lead by reactions to immediate circumstances, wherein I am accepting and allowing myself to define myself by each consequence (i.e. failure), is not a life at all. Living in such a way is like living as a program that doesn't comprehend the highest potential as a possibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself into thinking that I am creating my life lead by reactions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am not my reactions; to realize that these reactions are mental programs that drastically limit who I become in this life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for directing my life within a stable consideration of all things relevant.

I forgive myself that I have not yet fully accepted and allowed myself to stop the reactive, self-interested programming, BREATHE, and create my life path through a self-honest consideration of what decisions and actions will contribute to creating what is best for all life and ultimately allow humanity to reach our highest potential.

Self-corrective application commitment will be placed in the next post.

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Day 384 - Mini-Day Scheduling: Resistance Dimension

In my last two posts, Day 383 - Directing Uncertainty & Day 382 - Uncertainty Flavored Resistance, I began to examine my relationship with uncertainty. Although it was more in relation to being halted by a fear of failure in some way, I realized that there is more that must be looked at within it.

Lately, I've been taking a more specific look at how to most efficiently structure my daily responsibilities. There is a methodology that I came across when I was only in the 6th grade that was referred to as the Mini-Day Schedule*. I'm taking a second crack at it now! I found it to be a little over my head when I was younger. So far, I'm finding that again, I'm facing similar resistances to putting this concept to work in my life. What's different this time is having many more explicitly known responsibilities. I can't afford to allow the uncertainty of how this new schedule functions to get in my way from practically applying this supposedly invaluable tool. Here's another dimension of how I've accepted and allowed uncertainty to sway me: procrastination. This is one of the very points that establishing this new Mini-Day schedule will support me to stop. This self-sabotaging game is done here.

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I've been sabotaging myself through giving into the resistance and delaying my active effort to create an efficient schedule of my daily living participation.

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and delay implementing new/foreign techniques that I do not have a mental certainty of the successful use and outcome thereof.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be defined by my mistakes when trying something new.

I commit myself to now face this point and walk each step of creating a mini-day schedule for myself, so that I may establish a foundation from which I can make improvements until I am consistently effective in applying this tool of structuring my responsibilities.

Now, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist holding myself accountable for my use of time. I realize that to record all the physical movements throughout my day to day living requires self-honesty and the grace of accepting that I'm not as perfect as I think I am. (weakness & strength polarity) I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist facing the self-honest truth of what I actually do with my time.

When and as I see that I am trying to protect and defend myself from the honest truth of how I currently spend my time, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it's not something to take personally. Taking it personally is why we get stuck in reactive mode. I realize that many of my decisions are made by the programs in my mind that I've established over time through intricate and specific fears and desires. Within this, I realize that the key is to identify each Decision Maker Program that does not contribute to my ultimate interest, that which is best for all, and shut it down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing parts of myself when I am faced with the moment of making a decision either as a self-interested program or as a self-honest awareness of all relevant factors. Too often short term interests seem to be too appealing to deny. I do not want to deny myself something apparently 'great'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about the bigger picture for a moment of weakness where I allow a mental program to make a decision for me, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the moment of self-dishonesty where I allow myself to delude myself for long enough to allow the program to choose for me.

I commit myself to self-honestly look at my day, record my actions, and begin this process of grouping my actions into fluid physical movements, allowing me to move swiftly through my daily responsibilities.


Thanks reader.
Leave a comment to share any perspectives or questions you may have.


*Credit for the Mini-Day Schedule concept goes to the writings of Mark Hamilton. For a brief overview, you can check out this blog post by D. Trauterman. Credit for the Self-Forgiveness process obviously goes to Desteni and the Desteni I Process.

Disclaimer: No tool can help you unless you are willing to use it properly.