Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Day 183 - Going into resistance

There are several dimensions of resistance that I need to clarify here. There's the feeling of resistance that is to be pushed through when facing hard work. There's the reason for resistance as the why/how I've defined it to be 'hard' work. Ok, moving this into an outline format:

  • The feeling
    • it is undesirable
      • sleepy
      • "the last thing I want to do right now"
      • fear
    • it is accepted and allowed
      • Why?
  • The reason
    • definition toward ______
      • based in past experiences
    • fear
      • of judgment
      • of wasting time / incorrectness
  • The alternatives
    • are more fun
      • stimulate a positive reaction
    • are a distraction
      • delaying & creating compounding consequence
And that about sums it up (for now). To place this into a practical consideration: Prevent consequence by stopping the acceptance and allowance of the energetic feeling of resistance. Why do I allow resistance to direct and control my expression? It's like my dad always said, "electricity takes the path of lest resistance." That's how I imagine my mind to operate within and according to the pre-designed life I had for myself, but with the unforeseen tools of self-forgiveness and corrective writing application, I am empowered to fully understand my mind's natural operations and stand up from inside of myself within a deliberate breath, and direct myself as life.

I could just go on reacting, take the easy way, do and say whatever suits my self-interest, but where's the fun in that? I'm here to face all fear. I'm here to unravel the layering of constructed mental embodiment. Until I stand clear. Until doing what's best for all life as who I am is my natural expression through and with every breath. Until I am breathing and stable with every breath. Until then, I have work to do, and I'm not going to allow resistance to stop me. It might slow me down a little, but that's part of the consequence for allowing it to direct me for most of my life.

Goal: Run at resistance, not away from it.

Interesting how the tendency is to empower resistance by trying to ward it off with a temporary fix. You would think we'd learn all on our own that if our solution doesn't work permanently, then it's not really a solution. The answer to this dilemma is to be self-honest through time. Also, we need to know that a permanent solution exists...and if we haven't found one going into our adult years, I could imagine becoming jaded and skeptical with a hopeless submission to 'life on earth' as it is perceived to be...inescapable.

OK, back to me. I'm not jaded and skeptical...I'm enthusiastic and gullible..? Maybe lucky? Whatever. My birth conditions allowed me to hear the desteni message. And with that, I digress.

Also, interesting how I've been on a tangent, resisting getting to my self-forgiveness. So for that I say to self, "eh, eh, eh, not this time." And begin,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define resistance as more than I, allowing it to direct me and direct me and direct me, as if I am powerless to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going into an investigation of a resistance through a mere decision within a single breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I can re-direct myself within any moment through, with, in, and as my breathing. Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by the energy of resistance and not consider who I am or what I am accepting within each movement.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to forget to breathe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cross reference past experiences to validate and empower the resistance experience, and ultimately to submit to it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will be unsuccessful, and through that fear manifest the resistance that contribute to manifesting that fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how resistance is holding me back, weighing me down, and serving to move me only toward a temporary, experiential fix, not a real, permanently standing solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go for the easy, quick fix, instead of breathing and making the choice to move myself according to what the best available option is for me and ultimately for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run away from resistance, not realizing that this is the design of action that resistance exists for and renergizes with.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to move into a more desirable activity for an extended period of time when I do not consider how/why I deviated from the initial task or when I plan to get back on track.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose to delay and compound consequence, instead of breathing through the resistance as consequence, here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to just breathe through the feeling of resistance as consequence, instead of allowing myself to create more, new consequence through postponement.
--

When and as I see myself within resistance energy, I remember to stop and breathe. I realize that this is the most effective way to stop creating more consequence. I commit myself to stop simply allowing the energy of resistance to guide me through life.

When and as I see myself enjoying an quick fix, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am always aware of myself even to the slightest degree. I commit myself to seeing who I am within what I do in self-honesty as the awareness of myself as I breathe. Haha, this is ideal, and I can already see myself creating it in my imagination in separation of myself. SO, I breathe, and I get practical.

When and as I see myself submitting to resistance, I stop I breathe. I realize that I would have to selectively consider my current circumstance or deliberately ignore/downplay aspects of my reality to allow the resistance to move me. I commit myself to investigating what I have missed or chosen to ignore/downplay in my present reality when I allow resistance. - - (Better. If I keep making commitment statements in separation as an ideal within a hope that if I say it enough it will become a part of me, I realize that I will make this process longer than if I just stick to practically working with one point at a time through real, grounded commitment statements as an expression of myself in self-honesty)

When and as I see myself creating consequence or delayed consequence, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am here to get this done, not dick around. I commit myself to working with myself seriously. Here, I realize that me 'dickin' around' = putting on a show for others. I wouldn't dick around if I was alone with myself.

When and as I see myself resisting change, I stop I breathe. I realize that I can work with the resistance in exposing me to me. I commit myself to run toward resistance and investigate it. I commit myself to no longer spend extend periods of time within a resistance re-direction where I am not aware of my breathing and my total circumstance, including all potential consequences.

When and as I see myself within postponement, I stop I breathe. I realize that there was an experience of resistance prior. I commit myself to investigating the resistance behind the postponement.

Goal: To stay focused at will.



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