I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become discouraged and submissive when a personality design becomes accentuated and intensified as I begin to examine it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from particular personality designs and places them as greater and more powerful than myself, and so I submit.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as one and equal with each personality design that's amalgamated within me.
So this is kind of a big, primary design for me. I wrote about it on Day 2! The point of multitasking...I find that it mostly begins because of a lack of patience or willingness to wait even a single moment. If I'm not doing something I need to be doing something. Anxious to be efficient.
In the moment I make a decision to act, sometimes I don't even allow myself the time to commence. I just have another thought and move on that one. I've dealt with this for a long time, so it's no wonder that I'm still struggling with this point. It's pervasive and intrusive...and here I am separating myself from "it" again, apparently.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my anxious personality in separation of myself where I perceive it as more than, or in control of, me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take responsibility for myself as this anxious character.
So, what will it take to stay focused? Ah, yes. There is a notable fear of forgetfulness. It's like I'm consumed by fear that I'll forget the new, secondary task, so mindlessly, I start doing that to get it done or at least started. The problem is that this can happen repeatedly and before I know it, I've not even started the primary intention/task and several hours have past by.
I think that the key component to this equation is perceived simplicity/complexity. Rudimentary math has a clear answer, while this self-purification process seems highly complex. In reality, it may be extensive and quite involved, but the solution is simple: Self-honesty and self-forgiveness. Hmm, why then does self-change seem so hard to do? I could come up with a ton of reasons, but they're all just excuses...fascinating.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive process from the perspective of difficulty instead of breathing and realizing that I MUST walk one point at a time, breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not remember to do the secondary tasks, and that I have not allowed myself to simply write it down and bring my focus back to the primary task.
That is the key. If all I did was commit myself to write down what comes to mind and act only within the direction that I have already set out for myself, I will have overcome this tendency to allow the mind to direct me. This is too extensive for one commitment to be simply stated. I have more to explore before I can seriously commit myself to this application. I do not want to create a bunch of compounding consequence of self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to uphold my commitments, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to make a commitment from an energetic starting point instead of investigating and clearing the relationship(s) to make a stable choice of self-direction that stands throughout all of time.
When and as I see myself moving from task to task, within and before completing my primary task, I stop I breathe. I realize this is my mind within an avoidance/ADD pattern. I commit myself to recognizing and becoming well acquainted with this dimension of myself. When and as it becomes unbearable, I remember to breathe. I understand what it is to be the self-directive principle. I commit myself to writing where & why I allow secondary tasks to commence with a dismissal of my previous & primary direction.
For the most part, I am still opening up my relationship to "Attention Deficit Disorder" (not that I actually think I have a "disorder" that needs treatment in the form of pills. I have the tools of self-forgiveness and breath to help me focus and permanently change my attitude/attention as my work ethic). Chipping away, one bite at a time, no more running, here I go! :)