Day 191 - The Power Struggle

Desire for Control --
Powerlessness and fear of loss:

Yesterday, I went through an episode of anger. I found that the anger was related to being out of control. I had no way to control the outcome of this interaction, and reacted with anger. So beneath the anger was a desire to be in control. Why the need to be in control? Fear of loss. Inferiority. Powerlessness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire power and superiority.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am  powerless, inferior and limited.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear & believe that I am inherently inferior to others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be competitive so that I can be the winner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to flee the scene as a sore loser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to work for a win, not considering the other person's happiness or well being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to win recklessly without regard for when I hurt others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that competition is a power game based in polarity of the mind, rendering no true win as what's best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carelessly pursue a self-interested power gain.

--
When and as I see myself yearning for power; I stop I breathe. I realize that I can not win this struggle within the principle of what is best for all. I commit myself to noting every time I struggle for power to find out where I have defined myself as powerless. I commit myself to walking this process of self-investigation and self-forgiveness to clear myself of senseless notions of who I am as less or more than life.

When and as I see myself in fear of being powerless, I stop I breathe. I realize that this is not who I am. I realize myself as all. I commit myself to finding the best for all answer in situations where my personal power struggle is activated. I do this from the starting point of my breath.

When and as I see myself competing with another individual, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am life, one and equal as the other individual. I commit myself to stop fighting for a personal win, as the fleeting moment of satisfaction is an energetic polarity of mind and not best for all.

When and as I see that I have won a power struggle, I stop I breathe. I realize that I have missed an opportunity to stop myself in a moment, and also have missed many breaths. I commit myself to investigating why I acted in such a way where I was utterly consumed by my desire for control.

When and as I see myself pursuing an argument to be in a position of control, I stop I breathe. I realize that I want to win. I realize this is of the nature of my preprogramming. This is me as mind. I stop I breathe. I commit myself to the best for all stance, and when I miss this point, investigation time.

Until the solution as what's best for all is clear in every moment, as every breath, I commit myself to continue to walk out of my deluded and inconsiderate mind with the tools of self-forgiveness and writing.