Day 163 - Time Dimension: Nail Biting

Continuing with the theme of planning/time/delay, I would like to further investigate and open up how I am relating with Time. There is a lot going on so, I'm just going to start ranting. Enjoy!

First to mind: Nail biting = delay in so many ways. I have received feedback along the lines that biting nails = halting self-expansion. Personally, I believe my nail biting stems largely from a worry or fear of not enough time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become anxious at the thought that there isn't enough time to figure/sort it all out and reach the goal or successful completion of anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mindlessly enter into the anxious state of chewing my nails, and disregard the physical reality: my breath and my actual nails/flesh.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek and receive psychological comfort within biting my nails.

Now, I realize the nail biting as an outlet for the anxiety. What is the source of the anxious orientation to time?  In my DIP lesson material, I am discovering common trigger point of the energy of haste and how it doesn't actually serve me. My whole life, I've utilized that "fire under the ass" to do what NEEDS to be done. Typical design is procrastinate until there is no time left. This way I don't ever have to push myself to do anything. I just relax while confidently assuming my anxious state will take care of things later, haha.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself within the energy of haste, where I direct the responsibility of completing a task into that very last moment when I can possibly complete it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize this separation and take responsibility for my work within every moment of possibility.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to go off into my mind within haste energy or anxiety, effectively separating myself from my breath where I can most effectively apply myself in completing a task.

When and as I see myself biting my nails while anxious about completing some work, I stop I breathe. I realize this as an energy participation of mind that is self-limiting. I take responsibility for my decision to bite my nails, use it as an indicator for energy participation, and I forgive myself for the specific entry point into that energy. I commit myself to recognizing the break in continuity that exists when my time orientation jumps forward and energy takes hold of my beingness.

When and as I see myself prioritizing 'nail maintenance' when I am attempting to do work, I stop, breathe, and realize that this is a form of delay and general neglect of who I want to be in that moment. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create friction within me by placing myself where I do not want to be (i.e. nail biting), and releasing that friction-energy of cognitive dissonance by getting frustrated at myself. I commit myself to simply stop, breathe and no longer separate myself by getting anger at myself. Obviously, self-anger is separation. I am anger towards me. It takes two selves to stand in anger towards a part of me. Stop it. Here, I am one. I chose to bite my nails. I stop biting my nails. Simple.

Tomorrow, I will continue with more detail of the anxious energy that spawns the nail biting outlet. Tonight I continue with self-investigation in my side-journal, and you will see the results through straight up Self-For'gift'ness and corrective application statements. C ya.