Yesterday, I revisited 'planning' and how I haven't been considering the all of the details of following through with a plan. I also found that I have been weak with the moment-to-moment planning, like with a very small window of time. Now, I'm thinking how I haven't really yet considered the planning of the long-long term. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so ambitious and disconnected from choosing one focus for my first career path. I actually haven't realized how extensively I've participated in half-ass planning my whole: The notion of being removed from my intentions, like not true to my word or myself and others.
The whole idea with moment-to moment planning is being able to structure my immediate plans for the next 5 minutes or less. For instance, I started this paragraph with the intention of explaining what I mean by moment-to-moment planning, something I'm not very well acquainted with. I usually just allow a mental flow to commence and run with it. On the fly, semi-editing my phrases and direction as I go. I do not intend to plan every action and movement...or do I? To not lose spontaneity, yet be self-directive. This is possible. I can plan to allow and not allow particular actions/reactions, and I can change my plans from a self-honest starting point assessment of my reasoning. I didn't plan the second half of this paragraph where I went into questioning myself, which leads me to believe that my curious character could use a little/lot of investigation.
Planning on the fly can only happen intentionally, or else I'm floating along planless or within this experience of vague planning. To bring the plan to the ground and consider all of the necessary aspects crucial to meeting the objective is the point that I haven't really been considering. Example: In college, I'd go out to party and meet girls, but often I didn't have an exit strategy that would successfully lead to sex. I remember imagining how bachelors must have a quiver of on-the-fly plans to be able to bring home lots of sex. Regardless of the scenario or the goal, without a plan, I get side-tracked more easily, I'm less confident, less of a leader of self and others. In my process of becoming the directive principle of this physical body, I plan to see where & when my mind leads me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not set a stable plan from moment to moment, and just going with the flow all the time, not realizing how this could get me nowhere quickly.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how procrastination and vague planning is me abdicating my responsibility to be the self-directive principle of/within my life. Yesss, nailed it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply go with the flow and be lead by the feelings of grandeur, excitement, curiosity, and many others, not realizing that I'm not on track in accordance to my will.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider planning from a multi-dimensional perspective, where I know what I'll be doing in the next 5 minutes and how that relates to my day, month, year, life.
I could laugh at this photo for days. To me it symbolizes a lack of multi-dimensional planning awareness. To avoid ending up like this fellow, I commit myself to planning my day to include taking breaks and sharing moments with nature/people/pets.
When and as I see myself unintentionally going with the flow of things, I stop I breathe. I realize that I am currently not the directive principle of my life. I commit myself to exposing my mind's favorite habitual directions so that I may realize how I've been existing without awareness of my breath as life.
When and as I see myself moving through a vague plan or creating one, I stop I breath. I realize that I must ask myself: who am I within enacting this plan? Without awareness of self in each moment, I am existing as a programmed organic robot. I commit myself to stop casually roboting (rotting) through existence.
Layer by layer, I commit myself to revealing all of my programs, so that I can once and for all get with the program of life, here, on Earth.