Day 181 - Physical aside vs. Mental jump

Thanks Kitty!  pic from Day 10

When I don't know what to write or how to begin one of these entries, I have realized the effectiveness of just simply beginning to write. This was a particularly cool moment of deciding what to write on today because my cat helped me out. I was just beginning to get into my writing about how it is that I jump from one task to the next in a moment of even the slightest resistance toward the initial task, and my cat that I call "kitty" interrupted me. I talked back to her, "you just creep up to me, cast a single 'meow' and get my attention so easily." I realized that I was just writing about distractions, but this was a different caliber of distraction.

Physically induced aside vs Mental jump. This is what I wrote verbatim in my journal after excitingly thanking her for helping me achieve the insight that inspired today's post :)

A physical distraction is much different than my own mental thinking distractions, yet also very similar in how they both take my attention away from the present task. A physical distraction is more acceptable in my opinion, and when a physical distraction is unwanted, it's easier to say no to. A mental distraction with an energy attached, for instance, the energy of curiosity, is very easy to follow, especially when faced with a more mundane alternative, primary task.

So, the prevalent point I've been working with: "Procrastination," has a new perspective that I intend to utilize to cross-reference when I am having trouble focusing on a task or daily set of tasks.

Adding perspective:
Why do I follow the mentally induced distractions? Appealing, interesting, more interesting, don't want to forget it, fear I won't get around to it, now or never, only productive in pursuing these mental asides while procrastinating a primary task. Ok, some good stuff to work with here.

Why do I allow myself to deviate from primary task? Resistance (could be many reasons; case-by-case exploration here): Unsure, uncertain, fear of wrong, fear of criticism, fear of less than great...[note here, mental haze into vague guessing of what others will think of my writing as I bite skin on middle finger, right hand], too much work, straining. Ok, I have work to do in demystifying* external work. I've placed all sort of pre-conceived notions of experience likelihood onto external work (in separation of myself).

*"demystifying" is a vocab term I learned from Neo-Tech, a $100 book I bought from a mail-flyer when I was in 6th grade, haha. It was a very hard read that I never finished, but I pulled some pretty helpful concepts of how mind/reality operates. I consider it to be one of the first stepping stones of my truth-seeking journey. As I remember it, to demystify was essential to freeing oneself from the mind-controlled way of life where we just follow suit with the rest of the populace. ...It's actually quite like the notion behind self-forgiveness, now that I look at it. Interesting. General mindset toward Neo-Tech from outsiders: "cult," haha.

Back to here. Now in this example of writing about 'demystify' as a distraction or side-track time sink: it was physically induced through writing. I suppose I kept it going via a mental choice, but how else would I write. I am writing from the starting point of free-flow-figure-it-out, so it's chill. It's not an extensive distraction within avoidance of the primary task of writing this post.

...another distraction, physically induced by music, I started a search on YouTube for the original version of Our Day Will Come. As I was watching the video, I realized myself within the distraction, traced it back to how it started, then decided to let it keep playing in the background while I log what just happened. Back to here, I realize that I can always come back to myself to direct myself. I can always trace the source of my distraction in self-honesty. Bring self back to here is THE KEY of keys.

So, all my struggles with procrastination can come down to self remembering self here; just before writing this sentence, I started closing open tabs that I no longer needed. This was a secondary task that was physically induced by sight, after responding to the end of the song and turning on another version of the song. All it takes is that moment of "what am I doing?" "what was I doing?" Self-check.

Now, furthermore and interestingly, I've been checking myself because of the content of my writing. As I continue to develop my relationship to myself within my physical breath, I will have a more stable cross-referencing point of self-honesty. That's the goal anyways.

Regardless of the type of distraction, I realize that I can always stop, breathe, and check why I have allowed my self to move within the deviation. Sometimes, this can feel out of control / overwhelming. Self-forgiveness need be applied here for allowing the energy of overwhelmingness to take control and misguide oneself into helplessness.

Ok, enough for now. Thanks for reading, and I'll continue tomorrow with the self-forgiveness and corrective application statements.